Shotgun Weddings

I got a call from a good friend in Philadelphia just a few minutes ago. She informed me that Armando got married last week. She was wondering if I knew about it. I still kept in touch occasionally with him even after I realized that I could not give up medical school for him. I remember calling him after failing my second Biochemistry exam sometime early November of my first year. Prior to that, I was thinking that I will just go through first year then drop out just to prove to myself that I could have been a doctor if I wanted to. I would just have happened to choose being a minister's wife because that's the more noble thing to do. But med school did not turn out to be a piece of cake. And I actually enjoyed learning. And at that point, I haven't even seen Armando for 2 years, who knows if I still liked him? There was also the nagging thought that there were only a couple of things I admired about him. One is that he is really dedicated to his duty. His ministry would be all that he would live for and he would always be content. I hardly meet people who are just always content with whatever they have or whatever they are doing. The other is that he is really good about making other people feel that he cares about them and their problems whether or not he does. Were those two qualities enough for me to spend the rest of my life with him? (I probably should also add that he is always on time and he loves to cook and clean. Also, my mom is going to kill me for this, but I thought he was a good kisser.) What about honesty, integrity, self-reliance, appreciativeness, sincerity, genuine good-heartedness? Only one thing was clear then, I was fixated on being a minister's wife at all cost. I somehow thought that if I marry a minister, that would validate that I am a "good girl". After all, all good girls marry ministers, right? It sounds all so incredulous now. But at one point, I must have fully believed that in my heart.

So that Novermber I told him that there's really no point of me hanging on to the relationship when I knew it could not be my priority at the moment. He also understood that being the firstborn in my family I had the obligation to support them financially. He used to say that he would send the official request to marry me as soon as he graduates. But he then realized a lot of factors were working against us. He said he would not send the request for me since he knew I will just say no. Besides he figured that I would have not been happy being a stay at home wife and mother just fully devoting my time to taking care of my family. He said that I would just have regrets. Plus, of course, he said his mom doesn't like me for him because "hindi niya ako kaya". That roughly translates to that I am too independent for her to control. Armando is 34 years old. It is such a shame that he puts so much stock to his mom's irrational thoughts. But in a way, I am glad that she feels that way. I would have been so laden with guilt if my pursuit of education would have been the only reason why I was not marrying him. I did ask him later, if I were to decide right then and there to pack up my bags and go would he have married me? He said no. It hurt a lot then but I am glad that he did say no. He essentially made the decision for the both of us. It is somehow comforting that I did not have to make the final decision.

So I told my friend in Philadelphia that I last spoke with him in October and at the time no date was set yet. He had requested permission from the Church administration to court the girl back in August. He just arrived in the congregation April 2006. He was resolute that he would marry soon. They are granted permission to marry upon graduation from ministry school. He just felt that it was time and there was no reason for delay. Apparently, he started talking to her in May. So, he only knew the girl for almost 4 months before he made the decision that she was the one he would marry. I asked him how did he know she was the one. Apparently the minister in his congregation encouraged him to marry this girl. Of course, I had to ask him if she was "better" than me? You know, I am just so full of myself. I cannot possibly believe that he could find a nicer,smarter, sweeter person than me so quickly. He said that he agrees but he was not necessarily looking for someone "better". He just wanted someone "good enough". And she happens to be so. And he did pray for guidance on this. He just felt that God has given her to him as an answer to his prayers. So, how can I argue with that? I guess to end this ranting, I must say that I am happy for them. I think love in whatever form is always a blessing. I am sure that God has brought them together because they are perfect for each other. So I wish them well..

Also, one of the other ex-bfs, (i dated him briefly after one of my breakups with Armando) called last week (yes, mom, the navy guy). I had to break up with him because I thought I still had feelings for Armando. Plus of course, our personalities just did not match. Apparently he went home to the Philippines last month for a vacation. He met this girl who he thought was madly in love with him. He married her within 4 days of meeting her! Of course, I had to ask again if she is "better" than me? I could really be so childish sometimes. Interestingly enough he said no but she was "puwede na" or good enough. So, I couldn't help but wonder (borrowed from a Carrie Bradshaw line), at what point do we settle for "good enough"?