the list

so i started carrying my list of procedures i still need to do. today i wanted to get signed off on starting an IV. but my patient was post-chemo so my resident spared him the torture of me trying to stick him. but i did get signed off on a rectal exam. the attending was no less than my favorite GI doc :).

Pogi points

Ate Bebe called me today. She was wanting to confirm my London itinerary. She also happily shared that she is getting married soon! She just started dating the guy in December but they are really wanting to be married as soon as possible. Granted that she has known the guy since way back her college years, I still asked her if she's sure. She said that once you know, you just know. Isn't that terribly romantic? :) I told her that maybe she should schedule the wedding in December since PB and I will also be in the Philippines then. But no can do. They want to get married pronto! The best part is that he's also Iglesia. He automatically gets extra "pogi points" for that ;).

match day

i know that daddy is tired of the "free food" post so i'm writing again for him :).
but before i leave the subject of food, let me talk about my food cravings. last night, i craved for tira misu cheesecake so i bought a whole cake! i'm still working on it, i have only eaten about 3/4 of the cake. earlier today, i had a craving for lechon kawali so i drove to the filipino carinderia and got myself a pound. since i was already there, i also got an order of caldereta. yum!

thursday was match day for my roommate. match day is the day when the seniors find out where they will be doing their residency. she will be going to memphis. it was a bit of surprise for her but she's happy nonetheless.

last night, i tried to play matchmaker. i have a couple of single friends who i thought might be a good fit for each other. so we went to see the colin farrell movie, in bruges. it's hard to tell if it was indeed a match. but at the very least, both of them have gained a friend. i'm planning a bowling outing for them. i guess some matches simmer for a time. others are more you're-perfect-for-me,-i-can't-wait-to-marry-you kind even only after a few months. i think though that both are equally romantic :).

free food

i love free food. our head deacon celebrated his birthday today at a buffet restaurant called "the journey". (it's interesting that in our culture the birthday celebrant pays for the bill. for non-filipinos here, the birthday celebrant usually gets the free meal). i've heard so much about their food but when i finally ate there, i wasn't all that impressed. that's the second time this week that i have not been impressed by restaurant food. last friday, i went to a spanish restaurant and tried dishes that have filipino counterparts: paella and embutido. i like our version better. i miss the days when i was just living on a $1.06/day for food. everything was just so tasty :). what did i get for $1.06? 2 apple pies!

for dinner, karla invited me over at her place just across the street from my apartment. (i will actually be subletting her place next). her mom visited and brought filipino food. we had pancit, longanisa and kalabasa! i also raided her bookshelf. i got a couple of surgery books, a book about the history of france and a book about a brahmin's son and his search for happiness and meaning of life.

her sister is also here for spring break. she relayed the news that johnny depp is shooting a movie here in indiana. i thought he was so cute in chocolat. of course, i had to google what kind of role he might be playing. it looks like he is playing a bank robber in the '30s, john dillinger who was actually born in indianapolis. i believe the man is buried in the cemetery not too far from my house. i haven't had a chance to visit the cemetery but they have tours to highlight famous people buried there. but anyways, i'm skipping school this friday to go to chicago to get my visa for france so i might try to stop by where johnny depp was seen. i didn't think he was cute before. it's funny how your definition of "cute" changes over time ;).

death

o Father, may You love me,
and count me reconciled,
forever thinking of me
as your devoted child.
and death is but a slumber,
sweet rest when all is done
awakened by the wonder
of Your returning Son...

i am always moved when we sing this hymn. we admit our frailties. we beg that our repentant prayers be heard as we lay bare our hearts. despite our unworthiness, we have the sure faith that God will always wait for us to draw near to Him.

i found out from pb that one of the ministers i know just passed away yesterday. he was battling cancer. while i was visiting the redwood city congregation last december, the brethren were amazed that he had enough strength to go up the tribuna during the worship service and lead a prayer. he used to be our district minister when i was in philadelphia. a decade ago, he was a youthful, charismatic minister. the person i saw last december was just a shadow of him. but for us, death is just a slumber..

my day

the alarm clock rang at 3:45 AM. i stayed in bed until 4 AM. i took a shower, ran to the hospital, and got there by 4:45 AM. as the lowly med students on our team, our main job is to start a note and record the vital signs for the patients in our service. by 6:00 AM, we start rounding with our residents and fellow. by 7:30 AM, we are in the operating room. this morning, i got to see ureter/kidney stones removed and kidney stents placed. we also have this robot that helps with the removal of the prostate and other minimally invasive surgery. i got to maneuver the robot today. i thought that was super-cool!

then off to lunch. i usually have lunch in the cafeteria and i often bump into classmates who are in other rotations. we chat about the specialties we are considering and our schedules for our 4th year. in the afternoon, i got to participate in removing part of a kidney. the patient has kidney cancer so we took out the affected part. my job was mostly to retract tissue and cut sutures (and also pretend that i know my anatomy ;)). on other days, i also suction, zap tissue, and close the skin either by suturing or placing staples. i can't say that i love the OR but it has definitely grown on me.

we got done with the last surgery by 5:00 p.m. i had dinner plans at 6:00 PM so i ran home, while calling friends to confirm that we are still pushing through. i took a shower and waited for a friend to pick me up. we also picked up a friend and met another at the restaurant. we had dinner and talked about interesting stories from our rotations. again we talked about specialty choices and our schedules for the 4th year. we try to keep up with our ritual of regular get-togethers. it gets harder as we get busier doing different things. but it always feels great to catch up and stay connected.

i'm home now, getting ready for bed and will be sleeping soon.
i have to be at the hospital by 4:45 again tomorrow. so that's a glimpse of my day. good night!

accidental invite

as i was rushing to go to church this evening. i suddenly blurted out to my roommate, "hey, wanna come to my church sometime." i don't know what made it easier. maybe because, i already told her for sure that i'm moving to the next place when my month is up. i pretty much come in with a mindset that i am only staying for a month. it's still sad halfway through the month when i realize that just when i am starting to connect with the roommate, it's about the time to move again. this time i will soon be leaving not only a roommate but also a pet. it's always nice to come home with pabu waiting by the door. i never thought i would like a dog licking my face :).

but anyways, my roommate said that she will come to church with me! yay for me having the courage to invite.

may movies

i got to thinking about movies. here's a couple of my must-see movies this may:
indiana jones and sex and the city.

somebody was telling us the other day that he used to coach kid's baseball. on his team was the son of mr. and mrs. green. they named their son, forrest. he felt bad shouting during the game, "run forrest, run!". :) i wonder if he has a brother named hunter...

does anyone have strong objections if i named my son - indiana cruz (something-something, insert father's name here)? and no, i will not have a daughter named carrie. carrie cruz something-something sounds too much like a coin flip :).

dirty dancing

patrick swayze has cancer :(.
II-dahlia ('89-'90)performed a dance at the front lobby based on the movie. i remember wearing a pink balloon skirt. i can't remember who my partner was.
i didn't see the movie until much later. baby, the female lead was planning on going to mount holyoke and joining the peace corps. her real name in the movie is frances. she was named after frances perkins who attended mount holyoke and who was the first woman to hold a cabinet position. incidentally, the current secretary of labor, elaine chao, is also a mount holyoke alum. i just thought i'd share some college trivia :).

elusive faces

there are some faces that i find hard to remember. i worked with a couple of residents today in the OR. i knew i was going to forget their faces. i tried my best to "memorize" their faces. since they were wearing masks for the most part, i even tried to focus on their hair, their built and even their bellies. it was useless.

later in the day, i saw a friend who just finished the same rotation. as he was explaining stuff to me, he noticed a resident who just sat next to us. he told him that he was giving me some tips. after my friend left, i then asked the resident if he's on the service i'm on. he said, yes. i then asked him, what his name is. and of course, he was the resident i worked with earlier in the day. i was so embarrassed.

so now i'm looking intently at their department photo. i probably still won't recognize my residents tomorrow. but at least, i'm trying :).

surgery theme song

one of our residents heard this song one day on her way in. we've been singing part of this song every surgery since then (to ward off too much bleeding, of course :)).

it goes:

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

---
btw, my favorite patient is doing just fine. we transferred her from the icu to the regular unit today.


play keep bleeding ringtone here

our class

i was googling a classmate's name and it brought me to these comments by one of our deans just before we began medical school. i just want to post it here so that i'll always remember. iusm will always have a special place in my heart.


WHITE COAT CEREMONY - AUGUST 'O5
Dr. Stephen Leapman's Closing Comments

Ladies and Gentlemen, you may have noted the music that accompanied our entrance into this beautiful auditorium. What you probably don't know is that the composer of this piece is sitting in the audience. He is Benjamin Lippincott and is one of very talented matriculants in the Class of 2009. Thank you Benjamin.

One of greatest joys and privileges I have as chair of the admissions committee is access to the stories that our students tell us regarding their reasons for choosing medicine and sharing their plans for the future. All medical school applicants are required to write personal statements and comments that will convince us why we should admit them to medical school. This past year there were 2,760 such stories shared with us, an increase of 25% over last year. Medical school applications are certainly on the rise.

The stories of the 280 students we matriculated are poignant, contemporary, and in many instances bring tears to my eyes. I see in them, the generous hearts and souls of the physicians of tomorrow, I see bright scientists and humanitarians, inspired by the past but armed with the technology of the future. I see a new physician emerging, one that will be a master over an ever expanding knowledge base but satisfied only if the humanistic approach to medicine is part and parcel of his or her practice.

With your permission I would like to share a few of these stories largely because I think they are representative of this Class of 2009. You have some remarkable people in your class, not just because of their scholastic aptitude but because they are just nice men and woman. Take Elizabeth Hay, a recent graduate from Northwestern University who is an ethicist, a physicist (and guys she understands auto mechanics better than most of us), and was a varsity member of the NW crew team, practicing on the Chicago river or in the basement of some dark forgotten gym before 5:30 every morning for 4 years. She relates the following story about the human touch of medicine:

The summer before my senior year of high school, my step father was diagnosed with a lung cancer. He had less than a year to live, even with the most aggressive treatments. My mother became his primary caregiver, and I gave what support I could. Mostly I just listened. She would often talk about how his doctors actually treated them like human beings with brains, or how some doctors just wanted to hustle them around like children while never explaining what was happening. I listened and I learned something quite unexpected. Above any other consideration that my parents held was that the doctors who gave them straight answers and compassion were the ones they most admired. It was more than ability; it was the ability to take the time and give my stepfather some control over his life and death. I came to understand that doctors are meant to do more than repair broken bodies, they are meant to comfort. My stepfather's death didn't cause me to make some grandiose plans about finding a cure for cancer. I'm not that naïve. What I took away from that hellish year was quieter and more personal. I took away a new resolve that I would be more than a good, competent doctor. I would be a doctor who listened and trusted with mutual respect. Elizabeth Hay will be at our Muncie campus.

Now let me tell you about Daniel Greene. Daniel is a non-traditional student; he's a graduate of Notre Dame University who served with our armed forces in Kuwait during the First Gulf war and later in Bosnia (and we thank you for your unselfish service to this country). He is a licensed EMT and found his way to medicine through the following poignant story. He writes:

I visited a mass grave near Srebrenica, Bosnia. The site was being excavated by the UN and guarded by US forces. The UN archeologist was an Australian professor, who warned us that what we were about to see was not for the faint of heart. Sgt. Alten, our driver, decided to wait in the Hummer. The forest gave way to a large clearing sectioned off with a white tape to make a grid over a large gray hole in the ground. The stench was horrible and stayed with me for weeks. The hole was filled with skeletons of women and children. They had been part of a mass execution during the conflict between the Muslims and the Serbs. In the days following that experience I realized I wanted to devote my life to healing, not destroying; not to tearing apart, but to making whole. Daniel will be at our Indianapolis Campus.

There are other stories that moved me and inspired me; like all the students who are trilingual or bilingual. We have students that are fluent in over 25 languages including Spanish and French, Korean, Ertu, Chinese, Swahili, Hebrew, Russian, Farsi, and one student, Jamin Yoder, who speaks fluent Pennsylvania Dutch. And we have Vera Vavinskiy, who came to the United States only three years ago from Belarus, speaking fluent Russian but no English. In three years she learned English, majored in Computer Science with an almost perfect GPA from IUPUI, applied to and was accepted into the Indiana University School of Medicine. Who says this isn't the land of opportunity and we don't have incredible students.

Take Allison Mayer, perfect GPA from Purdue, a Howard Hughes Scholar who has been pursuing her interests in molecular biology while exploring the effects of different cytokines on the level of BATH, an AP-1 transcription factor in t-lymphocytes. Allison, what does all that mean??

And not every one of you always knew they wanted to be physician. Some of you found this calling but only after looking at many other professions and jobs. Take Samuel Oyer, a very bright young man who started his college career at Washington University in St. Louis but wasn't sure which direction he wanted to head. He took some time off after his freshman year, worked in a cabinet factory learning to relate to people that were not the same as he; then he switched jobs to become an assistant for some moguls in an investment banking and advising firm, people who were really different than he. Realizing he wanted a career requiring plenty of thought and problem solving, but one that resulted in benefit to others, he chose medicine. He speaks fluent computerize.

Our students are incredibly talented, like John Krol, a music major who felt his original calling was to be an operatic singer but soon learned he had different talents as a nursing assistant and chose a path that led him to medicine. We have ball room dancers, flute, trumpet, violin, organ and piano players. This is a widely diverse class; there are African American, Hispanics, Asian, Native Americans, and Caucasians. We have small people and tall people, even a former IU basketball star in the class. Our age range goes from 17 to 44 (in fact, we have 3 matriculants over 40 in the Class of 2009 and an additional 10 who are over 30 something). 56% of you are men and 44% are women. Of the 92 counties in Indiana, 53 are represented in the Class of 2009. Fifteen percent of the Class comes from 18 states across this great nation of ours.

You are incredibly bright with overall GPA's of 3.68 and an average cumulative MCAT of over 29. More importantly, you are all nice, caring, warm people. Stay that way. Medicine needs you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if medicine is the profession of the heart and the soul of providing service, then this Class rightfully belongs in our profession.

Students: Please rise and face your relatives and friends.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I present to you the Indiana University School of Medicine Class of 2009.

Thank you for joining us today. Please remain seated while the class recesses and then join us for refreshments in the lobby.

8th birthday

maligayang kaarawan, dearest mel..
how does it feel to be 8 years old? ;)

gynormous

we were able to take out the most gynormous pair of ovaries that you can imagine. we also collected 20 liters of fluid from her belly. the badness was just everywhere. we also found possible colon cancer. the general surgeons had to be called in to resect that part. i had to leave for church so i don't know how the additional surgery went. but i hope that she is doing well. i'll be seeing her first thing in the morning. a month ago she was just blissfully going through life when she noticed her leg swelling up. she also complained of tightness in her abdomen. two weeks ago, she got a CT scan and bilateral ovarian masses were seen. she was referred to the clinic and i took her history just last monday. we ordered some labs and her surgery was scheduled soon after we received the results. ovarian cancer typically just sneaks up on you. her long journey of surviving the badness is just beginning.

love handles

i was studying with a friend and she suddenly commented that i have no "love handles". by genetic luck, most of us filipinas have petite frames prior to bearing a child. americans come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. tomorrow, we are operating on a 300 lb patient. i had an "ally mcbeal moment" looking at her belly when i saw her in clinic the other day :). i thought that i can probably fit in her belly if i assume the fetal position. no, i'm not making fun of her, of course. it's quite sad actually, we're highly suspicious that she has ovarian cancer.

our dining tables at mount holyoke had these tentcards with various facts and figures raising awareness about eating disorders and the ridiculousness of the media's portrayal of a woman's body. naomi wolf's book, the beauty myth, concerning the negative effects of these unrealistic images of beauty on women, just came out the year prior.

i wonder if men care about other men's love handles. i guess i do notice other women's figures sometimes. i wonder how much a woman's self-esteem is related to her weight. for some, it seems that the past history of being overweight still affects their confidence even after they have lost the weight. i try to be vigilant with my girls in sunday school. i want them to love their bodies. one day, one of them was crying because someone called her fat. i had a long talk with her to reassure her that she is beautiful the way she is. i felt obliged though to tell her that pb has a big crush on her. that was probably a mistake on my part. we shouldn't really be defined by how a man sees us but rather how we see ourselves.

11 Planets!

What happened to the good old days of 9 planets? And I thought Pluto is no longer considered a planet? A friend was worried that the assignment of astrological "ruling planets" will be messed up if Pluto is no longer there :). And now there are 11 of them! Well, at least we still retain the moniker of being the "third rock".

kumusta ka na?

that tender attachment,
the fondness,
without the expectation of anything
but heartwarming, nonetheless.
the affection freely given with no thoughts of possessing,
but just the gratitude of knowing a beautiful person
knowing you my friends, makes me feel beautiful.

wrong door

coming home after my dentist appointment tonight, i was surprised that my previous parking spot was still empty. hmmm, what are the chances? my new dentist told me that i have an abscess on one of my molars :(. the same one that i just had a crown put on last year. he referred me to an endodontist. so i was thinking maybe i can request a half-day off sometime this week to get my tooth taken care of. so in my usual la-la-la mode, i went up the stairs. my key could not open our door. i tried and tried again. well, the door said "I", but the door seemed bare. i thought we had a ribbon on our door. then, i realized that i must have been in the wrong building! so i got out of there as fast as i could :).

senior photo

we received proofs of our senior photo today. i'll make sure that all of you, my fans, will receive an autographed copy ;). just make sure i have your current mailing addresses.

london bridge is falling down..

falling down, falling down
london bridge is falling down,
my fair lady.

we got our tickets to london! we decided that we'll skip germany this time and just focus on england and france. i started watching movies set in france. i just saw paris, je t'aime, next are chocolat and before sunset.

now back to my paper on the ethics of artificial insemination for lesbians and the physician's right to conscientious refusal.. and for the record, i sincerely don't have a problem with my lesbian friends availing of artificial insemination. for a long time, i even thought that i, as a single woman would consider it. but i do realize that fathers are essential to daughters. so, i think i will get pregnant, the old-fashioned way ;).