Mount Makiling

I was studying a radiology lecture today. It said that the risk of mammography is equivalent among other things to 1/3 minute of mountain climbing. I remembered the first mountain I climbed way back during my senior year in high school. Our biology teachers organized the climb up Peak 2 of Mount Makiling. I went with a handful of schoolmates. I don't think I asked permission from my parents. They probably would not have allowed me to go. I think my parents saw me as very unathletic. During grade school, I pretty much stayed inside and read. My mom was really surprised when I showed her a picture of me my first year of high school almost winning a distance run competition.

So up we went, 3756 feet! I think it took us half a day to climb. We camped overnight at the summit. It was really cold but I was so excited that I could see my breath for the first time. I've always described the mountain as a tropical rainforest. I remember that it was rainy and there was a good variety of flora. But I looked it up today. The proper description seems to be that it is a "dipterocarp forest" and the summit is a "dwarf mossy forest" (whatever that means :)).

Belly Dancing (Queen)

I have always wanted to learn how to belly dance. Love the music... love the costume. My gym where I hardly go to offers classes periodically. So today I went on a mission to try to discover my inner Shakira ;). Unfortunately, it looks like even though my hips don't want to lie, they just don't have the natural ability to shimmy :). But it was a fun workout nonetheless. I might still come back next time. I might even get a belly ring ;). Just kidding!

My Fake Coach Bag

One of my friends love signature bags. I have never really cared for signature stuff since I can't really afford them. She said she was selling Coach bags for a really cheap price. I hate disappointing friends so whenever they sell me stuff it's hard for me to refuse. I figured that it's just a few dollars for the merchandise, I can never repay them back for all their kindness. So I paid $70 for a fake Coach bag. It's a cute bag. Whenever people compliment the bag, I always tell them it's just a knockoff. So it was one of the things the burglars took from my house. I didn't notice right away that it's missing since I'm not really attached to the bag.

So tonight, I was coming home after visiting a classmate's church. I saw Ms. D, a lady of the night who "walks" my street. I've known her since I moved in the neighborhood 3 years ago. I told her that someone broke into my house. She asked me what was taken. I told her that my old camera is gone along with my fake Coach bag. Also, they took my food, 1 CD, 1DVD, 2 bottles of shampoo, 1 bar of soap and 6 rolls of toilet paper. I think this is the final list of all the missing items :). She said that somebody was just selling her a bag. She said that she will go talk to them and try to retrieve my bag. So she came back a few minutes later with the bag. She said she paid them $10. I only had a $20 bill so I gave her that. I'm hoping that that's equivalent to one less man she has to sleep with. She said that she was going to look after my house. She also updated me that the house across which used to house maybe 10 people has been empty since last July. I have been oblivious all this time! The people who rented rooms there just used to sit out on the porch so nobody has ever messed with my house before.

So there are a couple of things I can remember from the speaker at my classmate's church. One is the word "reframing". It's basically turning every situation to a positive situation or looking at things in a positive light. My optimism is off the charts so I do this automatically without too much effort. Now I have a word for it :). Maybe I can use it when I try to remind people that the situation is really not that bad. He also had a Walmart story. He said that his dad lines up in the checkout lanes next to somebody who he thinks needs some cheering up. I think that that is an easy and worthwhile thing for me to do. I like talking to people. I might just try that whenever I am shopping :).

Yesterday, I attended a rock concert with a couple of my friends from school. Both of them were saying that they are dreading our Psychiatry rotation. They said that it would be so boring for them. I told them that it's funny that I just met a doctor who singled out Psychiatry as the area he liked the least. I sheepishly told my friends that I think I will enjoy Psychiatry :). As a matter of fact, Myers-Briggs said that the fields of Psychiatry, Family Medicine and Pediatrics will suit me best. I asked one of them what her Myers-Briggs profile is. I didn't really know her our first semester when we got our results. It was interesting to me that she is also my exact opposite like another friend who could not come last night. They are both ISTJs and I'm an ENFP. I told her that I didn't understand why I got along with them :). But maybe opposites do have affinity for each other. Maybe in friendships the differences are as important as the commonalities. Until here, I'll sign off for now and attempt some studying. Cheers!

Friendships

I am fascinated by friendships. I try to trace the origin of relationships. When and how did people meet? Did they go to the same school? Were they in the same small group? Do they have a common friend? Do they study in the same place? Are they part of the same school organization? I try to analyze why the friendship works. Do they share the same humor? Are they intellectually matched? What interests do they have in common? Which of their qualities complement? What's the gender distribution of their friends? What does it mean if a woman has more friends of the opposite gender? Is she less of a girlie girl (whatever that means :))? What does it mean if a guy has a lot of female friends? Does it mean that he's a flirt? Or is it more like he just has a general caring personality? Can you stay friends with a single ex who you obviously find attractive but just can't imagine spending the rest of your life with? How does it happen that one thinks there is more to the friendship but the other is oblivious? Should you remain friends with somebody who you suspect is attracted to you but you know you could not possibly date? Or the opposite scenario, do you stay friends with somebody you are attracted to, who couldn't care less about you that way? Why do some friendships remain platonic and others progress to something more? How different are people's definition of what a friendship is?

A friend once told me that she didn't have too many women friends at Church while growing up. She was one of 4 sisters, all beautiful and smart. She realized later that part of it is that she was content hanging out with her sisters. She didn't really see the need of branching out to make new friendships. Some people may also have felt intimidated by "the sisters" who seem to have it all. I told her that I never really had any problem finding my group of friends. For the most part, I was the "average" girl, average looks, average smarts, average boy magnetism ;). Nobody really had any reason to envy me. I am pretty much happy with myself so I never really had any reason to envy anybody. Also, since I have lived apart from my family, I learned to get along with most people. Somebody asked me if I get lonesome. My gut answer was I'm used to being alone. A more appropriate answer probably is that I have been blessed with such rich friendships. I may not be with my nuclear family but I have an extensive Church family who genuinely cares for me. Throughout my journeys I have met and kept fascinating friends. They have all helped me to grow, experience new things, hear different perspectives. So to borrow from a sitcom theme song, to all of you, "thank you for being a friend!" :)

Crime Scene

So the inevitable happened today. Somebody broke into my house. I left for school around 9:40 a.m., got home around 6:30 p.m. I saw broken glasses on my front porch and then noticed that the glass on my front window has been smashed. My door was unlocked and I saw drops of blood on the floor. I immediately went outside to talk to some of my neighbors to ask if they have noticed anything but they said they were at work. Funny how before they always ask me if they can do some work for me since they don't have jobs. They asked me if anything was taken. I said I don't think so since there is really nothing to take. I went back into my house. I saw my stethoscope is still here. My doctor's bag with all my diagnostic tools are still here. My digital camera is still here. Obviously, my computer is still here. My passport is still here. My clothes seem to be all here. And to play into the Filipina stereotype, yes all my shoes are still here :).

I did notice that my leftover Taco Bell from last night was eaten. The person must also have been thirsty since my liter of Coke is now half-empty. I also noticed that my 4 bowls of instant noodles which I keep as emergency food are all gone :). Now I feel bad for the person. It seems that he's really hungry. Unfortunately for him, I don't keep food in the house. I don't really go grocery shopping. There's only Chinese leftover in my tiny refrigerator. And the only reason I still had the instant noodles is because I did not like how they tasted.

I have called the police so they should be here shortly. I probably also need to call somebody to have the glass replaced. Maybe it is also prudent to sleep at a friend's house just in case they come back tonight. Today was really not the best time for them to break in. I was planning on an intimate night with my Pharmacology notes. Oh well, what can you do, life often throws you a curved ball. I just always think a new experience is always a good experience :). So don't worry for me. I am just thankful that at least I was not here when it happened. Maybe it is also time for me to reassess my living situation. I hope your day was better than mine. And it looks like I'll keep on blogging. Here I was thinking the next few weeks will be boring but I guess I really do not know what lies ahead. I can think my brains out on what the future will bring but really life as God intended it to be just happens. I do enjoy my journeys and thanks for sharing it with me by reading my blog :).

Oh yeah, I was really touched by a lunch talk I attended today. A guy who used to head the World Food program spoke. He really has such a passion in alleviating world hunger. He commended one doctor from our school who has labored for a successful HIV treatment/community development program in Western Kenya. He described him as being a doctor "for all the right reasons". Sometimes I forget what really called me into medicine. It was really nice to hear inspiring talks like this.

PDA

No, not that kind. I'd like to think that I am a warm and affectionate person but I'd really rather not hold hands in public :). I'm shopping for a personal digital assistant that we are required to have for our third year. I was just walking home with a classmate who I met during orientation. We instantly bonded since she also comes from a foreign country. She has this very lovely French accent. We just reminisced on that first day and we can't believe that we now just have a few days of classes left. Time really flew. So by the numbers... 11 days of classes and 1 exam before finals, 6 exams to pass in our 2-week finals and then 3-4 weeks of studying for the BOARDS!!! These next few weeks are going to be busy so I can't promise too many posts. Quick tip, I know that at least a couple of people have subscribed to my blog. I don't really know how they did it. I think one is through Bloglines. This way you don't have to check my blog daily, you can just be alerted whenever I have a new post. This way, you won't ever feel disappointed that I haven't posted something new :). I think the next few weeks will just be all about studying so I probably won't have anything interesting to share. Don't miss me too much!

Partnerships

I think I am more of a solo worker. My default tendency is to go at it alone. No expectations, no disappointments, everyone's happy. My dad used to say to me that "no man is an island". I never really understood what he meant then :). I just looked it up today and it said that human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. It's apparently a quote from John Donne. I first heard of him while watching Wit starring Emma Thompson on HBO. Incidentally, a portion of this film was shown to us in an ethics exercise last year. The professor said that she has shown a Star Trek episode for this exercise in years past. I would have enjoyed that as well :).

So it always amazes me when partnerships do work. Sometimes partners choose us, sometimes we choose our partners (though I can't recall ever choosing one). Sometimes the circumstances choose the partners for us. I think the key for me is that I need to know my own strengths and my partner's strengths. I need to be able to delegate things that I may not be good at and take charge of the things I do well. I need to know my partner's limitations so I can serve as the backup troubleshooter. I need to humbly acknowledge that other people can have more creative and novel ideas. I don't have that particular strength. But you can give me an idea that I agree with and I can run with it. The idea might not have originated from me but I can make that idea concrete. I like making sure that little details fall perfectly in place. So here's to partners that rock and successful projects accomplished :).

On Eloping (The Faith of our Spouses)

My dad eloped with my mom (with my maternal grandparents' permission, they quickly add!). My only married brother also eloped about 8 years ago. So I teased my brother last night, maybe he should also elope. His fiancee's baptism has been delayed because of some silly paperwork. He teased me if I would ever consider getting married outside the Church. I teased him back that my faith is "stronger". Of all my brothers and sisters, he is probably the only one who did not hold any office in the Church. The rest of us all sang in the children's choir. My sisters and I still hold duties in the Church. All my brothers do attend church actively. The extra X chromosome probably makes all the difference :).

My dad and my brother were expelled from the Church (II Corinthians 6:14). They were able to return after their wives got baptized. I guess my brother's fiancee is questioning why they can't just proceed with the wedding since they have already set the date. (I tell my brother that he is silly for setting the wedding date before the baptism!). After all, it looks like it is just so easy to return. I guess it is hard for him to explain to her what "holy fear" is in terms of transgressing God's commandments. Joining the Church for the purpose of marriage instead of fully understanding and believing the teachings is plain silly. My mom and my sister-in-law remains faithful. But for every happy ending like that there are countless spouses who have turned away. They have stopped making God as the center of their lives. We are taught that you should seek a spouse who would bring you closer to God. The corollary must be that for you to be a good spouse you should be able to bring the other person closer to God. The word synergy comes to mind, it is not simple arithmetic anymore. The two of you together becomes much better servants. To end, I wish my brother well. May his fiancee mature in faith. I wish them a blessed marriage, full of faith and understanding.

Philanthropy

There is a picture of two brothers who died before their prime. One died while doing humanitarian work during the Rwanda refugee crisis. The other died before fulfilling his dreams of becoming a medical missionary. I remember thinking the first time I passed through that it must be nice for the privileged to have this "luxury" of carving a life fully devoted to service. I would surely be honored to have sons who have hearts like that. For some of us, it seems that just making sure the extended family's basic necessities are met would seem to comprise most of life's work. But maybe at the end of the day, we don't really need as much as we think we need. And there is really plenty of energy and resources left to pursue your passions as long as you are clear who you are trying to honor through your work. Maybe the most challenging part is just defining what gives you joy and where you can be most useful. I think I may be starting to form ideas what my ideal situation would be say 10 years from now. And I must say, the scenario in my head is markedly different from when I saw this picture my first semester of medical school. But first, let me study for my exams so I'll be sure to get there. :)

Mountains Beyond Mountains

For my birthday last week, a friend of mine sent this book by Tracy Kidder. I've been trying to get back to reading so this gift is really well appreciated :). The cover reads: the quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a man who would cure the world. As I think about what things are truly important to me, this book promises to be really inspiring.

Love is All Around

I need to renew my passport. One requirement is to submit a copy of my birth certificate. As I search through my piles of paper, I came across a poem written by my first boyfriend K circa 1995/1996. As I was reading the poem, this song by Wet Wet Wet came on the radio. This was one of the songs he used to sing to me. It brought me back to bittersweet memories of my first love.

Here's the poem:

a poem to discard
(missing you)

lolling on a
midsummer bench
wet-painted with
sultry sun long overdue
on red brazen carpet
of molten cobblestones
like barefoot embers
where butterflies dance,
dance their dandelion game
of find the coolest gust
a bit of hide-in-shade
while the rulebook
spells only futility
lolling i squint at full bloom faces
colored like the sun,
and worshipper spirits
jumping skywards as
the very smiles perspire
in cloudless searing pastel
hot-drowned stillness,
thinking this was just
what happines meant
last winter.

He said he wrote this poem in downtown Stockholm. So what was the dealbreaker with K?
Early in the relationship he mentioned in passing that he did not really believe in God. It must have not registered in me. After all, how can one not possibly believe in God? Surely I thought, if I invite him to Church, he will eventually believe that there is a God. (His dad who was one of the leaders of the Communist Party of the Philippines is a political exile in Sweden.) He did start attending church but in the end he said that he did not see himself converting into my religion. Flashbacks of my dad's only relationship instruction to me when I left home: never date anybody who is not a member of our Church. I read somewhere that women always look for a lesson learned in a failed relationship. I think what I have learned from this one is that people believe what they believe in. There is no amount of love that can change someone's fundamental beliefs. Of course, you always pray for grace that the other person finds his own truth.

Put Your Records On

I just heard this on the radio. This is my song of the moment.

Put Your Records On
Corinne Bailey Rae

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong,
but it's alright
And nothing seems to change,
and it all will stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that awful hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead,
let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere,
somehow.

Just more than I could take,
pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake,
I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise,
that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blog Anniversary

I just realized a few seconds ago that today is actually my blog's one year anniversary! It's funny that I am once again in the library on this day procrastinating on studying. The big difference is I don't have a big test coming up next week. So I don't feel so bad sharing you a story. Like I said in my very first post, I thought of finally having a blog in the summer of 2005. Sometime in 2004, 2 of my high school classmates (Mel and Vero) started their own blogs. I thought it was really cool. My primary reason for having a blog is to share my journeys. I envisioned that I will try to visit all the houses of worship of the Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ) all over the world. I would then post pictures of the chapels and the brethren. With that in mind, in the summer of 2005 I bought a digital camera and planned on a cross-country trip before the beginning of medical school. I meant to write about the trip on my very first post but I didn't get around to blogging until February of last year. So here it is, better late than never (story of my life! ;))

Gypsy is one adjective my friends used to describe me since I moved around so much. I have been here in the US for about 14.5 years. I have lived in Massachusetts, California, New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Georgia. I was listed in the following Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ) congregations: Boston, MA; Redwood City, CA; Philadelphia, PA; Baltimore, MD; Dayton, OH; Indianapolis, IN; Louisville, KY; Portage, IN and North Atlanta, GA.

Here are some pictures from my 9-day cross-country trip from Indianapolis to California and back in the summer of 2005. I drove by myself with my trusty 2001 Ford Focus. I lost my cell phone on my trip to Seattle a few days before so I drove w/out one. I also do not have a clue how to change a tire. Not very ideal but nothing would have stopped me from taking the trip. I was just armed with the passion for travel and the faith that God will not let anything untoward happen to me. The stops I planned out along the way were places of worship. I figured if anything bad would happen, I have the Pasugo (God's message) magazine with the congregations' contact numbers, and I am sure one of the brethren would "rescue" me. So I was not worried.

Oopsy I am having technical difficulties, I can't seem to upload the pictures. Oh well, I'll try again sometime.

Spare Keys

You would think everyone should have them, but unfortunately I don't. Maybe it's the risk-taker in me. Ok, I will grant you that there's a touch of stupidity in not getting them. Why did I not duplicate my house keys? I don't really now. Maybe I thought there was no way that I would lose my keys because they were attached to my Kubotan. But my kubotan was confiscated at the airport way back in October. I meant to get another one but I just didn't get to it.

So yesterday I was at my friend Joe's house for the Superbowl (Indianapolis Colts, won!). He and his wife just got this hi-def 50-inch plasma TV. He invited our other friend Wei and her husband. He also wanted to invite Heidi but she was working. We were all classmates in the MS Biology program in IUPUI and we all eventually made it to medical school. I drove to Wei's house first and decided to carpool with her. Somewhere along the way, I lost my keys. Yes, all of them car, house, locker keys, etc.

Wei was so upset for me. But I think I'm always calm in the face of disaster. So, I told her not to worry. I think I might even like being face to face with disaster, specifically a new disaster. I think being face to face with the same disaster twice is not smart at all. But the first time, I think you learn a lot in many ways.

Fortunately, I did some rummaging through my stuff this past summer and found my duplicate car key. I set it on my dining table just exactly for when this sort of disaster might happen. It was under a pile of lots of paperwork but I knew it was somewhere in there. I also knew that my bedroom window is broken so you can actually open it from the outside. I always hope for the best and expect the worst. Although I did not get spare keys, I have sort of rehearsed in my head what I will do in case I get locked out. So I calmly asked Wei's husband to drive me to my house. I also borrowed a chair that I can climbed on to reach my window. He was so afraid that the neighbors will think that we are burglars. So, last night at about 11 pm, I actually had to break into my own house :).

I was hoping somebody in Wei's apartment might find my keys so I haven't changed my locks. I actually just left my kitchen door ajar this morning so I can get back in. I just hope there will be no surprises when I go home tonight. My house is freezing cold. I didn't even have hot water in my bath this morning. I think my pipes are frozen! I don't think an intruder will survive in there ;). I will probably change the locks tomorrow. I already planned out before this disaster happened that I will be studying in the library tonight until midnight. It's kinda hard for me to change my plans once I have set my mind. I was thinking of fixing the locks this Saturday but that might be too late so maybe I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call a locksmith or if I can do it myself. But yeah, from now on I'll never be without spare keys!

Today's Recap

Just to give you an idea how a day goes for me...

7:45 AM I finally hear my alarm ringing. Take a shower, get ready for school

(what to wear? what to wear? my clothes seems to be disappearing. did i leave them at the laundry mat? :))

8:35 AM Out the door, into my car

(shoots, it snowed again. i forgot that i am out of windshield wiper fluid. i'm running late so i just have to drive with an icy windshield. :))

9:00 AM Lecture on Cardiac Arrhythmia

10:00 AM Lecture on Anti-arrhythmic drugs

(oh by the way, the professor tells us after all that, these things are not all that useful.)

11:00 AM More lecture about the heart, heart valves and infective endocarditis

12:00 Noon Free lunch! Sponsored by the Emergency Medicine student interest group.

(One of the best lunches I have ever attended. The professor presented 50 cases that have come in through the emergency room doors. Really cool!)

1:15 PM Prepared and mailed PB's job application

(I hope he learns to cook before he gets here!)

2:00 PM Check e-mail at the library. Made sure I officially passed my exams.

(I scored above the mean on my pulmonary medicine exam. Can put that in my very short list of specialties I might actually be good at, along with psychiatry and rheumatology :).)

3:00 PM Lecture on cardiac imaging

4:15 PM Met with Danielle to discuss logistics for the AMWA Spring Dinner

4:30 PM Back at the library, waited for almost half an hour for a first year who wants to buy AMWA glasses.

(I didn't think she was going to show up but she came in just as I was walking down the stairs).

5:00 PM Free dinner hosted by Med-Peds SIG.

6:00 PM Meeting for the Vagina Monologues

(I'm helping with getting sponsors for the school production.)

7:00 PM Yoga at NIFS

(I just love to stretch and stretch!)

8:30 PM Returned Glenda's call on the drive home, picked up washer fluid

9:00 PM Called home

9:30 PM Ironed white coat and white uniform for Sunday school

10:00 PM Organize notes

10:30 PM Browse through chapter on Peripheral Vascular System

(We see patients at the VA so we might see a number of diabetics tomorrow.)

11:00 PM Watch Sex and the City (I have no cable so just the PG version.)

11:30 PM Write this post

12:00 PM Get ready for bed, maybe catch a little bit of Leno or Letterman

Good night!

One Down!

We finished our first set of exams today. Thankfully, I think I passed them all. When it comes to academics, I have embraced the good enough or the passing grade. It would just take so much effort for me to remember all the details. I think as long as I know the major concepts I should be ok. The top 15-20% of our class get Honors. The next 30-40% get High Pass and the bottom 40% get Pass. I am definitely in the bottom 40%. And I think I am ok with that. From past experiences, I know that class rank does not really prevent you from doing what you want to do. My college grades spanned the whole alphabet. I got As, Bs, Cs and Ds :).

Having survived the first series of exams, I would like to revise the imagery of this semester. I think likening it to an abyss is a bit too negative :). It is more like a dimlit tunnel. There are 146 of us traversing this tunnel. We lost about 10% of our Indianapolis class in the last 3 semesters for various academic and personal reasons. In this tunnel, you meet a lot of interesting people. For the most part, everyone is excited about learning and eventually being able to help others. This is the last semester we are on the same schedule so we are still journeying on the same path. We pass milestones together. For example, we did our first pelvic exam on a standardized patient this month. We are focused on accomplishing the same tasks like passing the Boards in May or June. I think I am going to miss a number of people when we go our separate ways after this semester. We do get to meet new people as the other half of our class from other campuses join us for clinics.

Since right before every exam I try to focus, there's usually a long list of delayed tasks that I need to work on. Here's a partial list this time:

1) Send PB's job application for his working visa
(Hopefully, he'll be here this September!)
2) Call home/get details of brother's wedding planning
(I wonder what color my bridesmaid dress is..)
3) Return calls from Nu, Tala, and Glenda
(It's great that I have such low-maintenance friends :))
4) Complete business tax returns
(Such a pain..)
5) Send pictures of the children's field trip to Bro. Ross
(Long overdue!)
6) Schedule dentist appointment
(The appointments never end..)
7) Catch up on Cardiology
(The heart is my least favorite organ right now ;))
8) Get plane ticket to the Philippines/ mail passport renewal
(Home sweet home soon!)
9) Start looking at Qbank
(I really do have good intentions..)
10) Pluck my eyebrows
(Hmm, why? Apparently that's what girls do :))

To end, things are well for me here. I hope things are well for you all, too. Drop me a note sometime so I'll know what's happening with you. I'll try to post again tomorrow on what my schedule is on a typical day. Stay tuned. I heart you all! :)

The Retreat

Quite unexpectedly, in medical school, I find myself meeting and drawn to a number of people who profess faith in the Bible and our Lord Jesus Christ. Growing up in the Philippines, most people described themselves as Catholics or Protestants like Methodist, Baptist, etc. And of course we describe ourselves as Iglesia ni Cristos or members of the Church of Christ. Someone explained to me that "Christian" can refer to a denomination or it could mean that the church they belong to is non-denominational. And over the radio, I heard some people call themselves Catholic Christians. But a classmate I sit next to who is a devout Catholic said that that is a very rare combination. As Iglesia ni Cristos, we firmly believe that we are the "true Christians". We were not really encouraged to listen to any sort of religious instruction.

I remember in grade school we were supposed to leave the classroom whenever the nun comes for the religion class. But I guess, even at an early age, I was interested in what other people believed in. I remember distinctly that I stayed one day and the nun told the story of the prodigal son. The story of the prodigal son is the story of the prodigal son whichever you look at it so I did not see any harm in staying. Our school was next to a church so whenever it's breaktime and the American priest would happen to pass by, most children will run to the priest to be blessed. I didn't really care for the priest that way. I knew that the Catholic church is not the same church our Lord Jesus Christ established. I did like some of their hymns so sometimes I would sing along with them. Our house was just shouting distance from the church. I don't remember thinking much about salvation then. It's not like I went around and told everybody else that they are going to hell. I just reveled in the fact that I am child of God and I am so blessed to be a part of his chosen people.

In high school, we did not talk about religion much. Most of us lived in the dorms. We shared a room with 3 other people. One friend said that there is no point of talking about faith. We believe in different things and a discussion would just lead to arguments. So I just went about by merry way, attending worship services Thursdays and Sundays. Then I went to college in Massachusetts. There was no campus Christian activity whatsoever. There were all sorts of clubs except for a Christian club. Faith did not seem to enter in most of the conversations. I did find out that one of my classmates is "Christian". We were both doing an internship at the New England Medical Center in Boston then and we got to talking about faith and such. I just saw her last reunion. She is now working in this fabulous Christian health care center called Lawndale in Chicago. She still remembered that I went to Boston every weekend for Church. It was a 4 hour bus ride.

So I find myself now in the Midwest. It seems that family values are actually perceptively better preserved. In school we actually have an organization called Christian Medical and Dental Association. I attend the Women's Bible Study every week. Mostly to learn about other people's faith. In our church, we are big about inviting people to Bible studies and worship services. I figured if I understand where they are coming from it would be easier for me to extend an invitation to them.

So this past weekend, I attended a retreat with 4 wonderful first year students from the Women's Bible Study. It was just such a great thing to enjoy fellowship with them. We talked about school and faith. It was a luxury that is rarely available to us. One of the organizers of the retreat jokingly said that the IU people would get the reputation of being "non-participants". It's because at the end of the structured talks we ended up not mingling with other schools. We ended up just enjoying each other's company until way past midnight. We got back to our cabins and everybody else were asleep!

What was great about it too is that I was able to share some of beliefs of the Iglesia ni Cristo. I tried to explain why we believe that there must be one true Church. I think their reaction was that idea is impossible. They expect that they cannot possibly agree with all the teachings in their church and all denominations are just the same. At the very least, now, they know that there is a Church who believes that every teaching should have a Biblical basis. It should be possible that there is a Church that is doctrinally sound. Of course, with all humbleness and respect, we think we are that Church.

I also told them that we do not believe in the Trinity doctrine. We believe that there is only one God, he is a spirit with no flesh and bone. He is our Creator. He has no end and no beginning. Our Lord Jesus Christ is our Savior. He is a man in nature. He is the greatest and firstborn of all creations. He is not an ordinary man for he did not sin. We also worship Christ but not as equal to God. Our Almighty God is the Supreme Being who exalted Christ so that every knee should bow before him. But Christ himself would be subjected under God. I also asked them what would change for their faith if they think of God and Christ as distinct entities. One of them said that she's confused about the Trinity but it is to be expected because it is a "mystery". I may not have said it exactly but I was trying to say that the knowledge of the true God is important because that would lead to eternal life. Of course, I could not approximate the level of explanation a minister can offer to them. So hopefully, I can be like the Samaritan woman who said that she has heard the good news and instead of preaching the good news herself she invited the people to listen to the one who teaches.

I read some Christian blogs sometimes. It could be paralyzing. I marvel at the way they put their words together. They express their thoughts so well. So beautifully. So profoundly. They also talk about these great humanitarian acts they are doing. What do I have to say that could even compare? Then I read more carefully and then I realize that I can just write about simple truths that are so obvious to me and all the Iglesia ni Cristos. One particular blog mentioned that she was embarassed for Jesus who did not initally want to help this woman at first and quite possibly compared her to a dog. Embarassed for Jesus? Wow! Totally unthinkable. This story is in the book of Matthew. I would read it as another validation that our Lord Jesus Christ was not sent by God for everybody. God always sets apart His own and that is evident from the time there was a distinction between Seth and Cain.

At the retreat, the speaker introduced a "provocative" idea. Apparently to him, the idea that the main thing that God wants us to do is to glorify Him is a new revelation. Even my Sunday school kids probably already know that. If you ask them, what is the reason for our creation. They should be able to answer that we were created to honor and glorify God. It's just the way it is.

I feel I still have a lot to stay but I think it's time for me to sleep. Until next time then...

What's in a name?

You're probably wondering why I am writing so much. I just feel that I should write something before I sink into the abyss that is medical school, more specifically the last semester with the Boards looming over. You won't probably be hearing from me for a while. At least you shouldn't because as it is I am already behind one week in school :).

So I went to a retreat this past weekend. I will write about that next. I met two Esthers. They are both Koreans. Esther must be a common name for Koreans who describe themselves as Christians. I told both of them that my mom's name is Esther (her full name is actually Estrellita) and that I hardly meet any Esther in my age group. My dad's name, by the way, is Pastor. Not a few times I have been asked what my father's name is. I would say it and they would ask me for his first name. I would say Pastor is his first name not his title.

So on the drive back from Michigan, I started thinking of females I know personally who have Biblical names. For females I know Eve, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Deborah, Miriam, Elizabeth, Priscilla, Mary, Maria, Magdalena, Ruth, Naomi, Keziah (one of Job's daughters), Martha among others. There are also the feminine forms like Jesusa, Danielle, Emmanuelle, Josephine, etc. I also know Faith, Charity, Hope, Joy, Grace, Love. There are also the gems like Ruby, Pearl, Gold. There are also names of places and one of which is my name in Acts 27:5. The city is now part of SW Turkey. It's definitely on my list of places to visit.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave camp to attend church in Detroit, the other girl who also woke up early asked me for my name. She then told me that her mom's name is also Myra. I told her that I hardly meet people here in the US who have the same name. I commented that it must be an older woman's name. She said that she did meet a 4-year-old Myra. The name must be regaining popularity :).
It was funny later on that the name of the minister's wife in the Detroit congregation is also Myra.

Growing up my parents told me that my name means "wonderful". So for the most part I just reveled in the fact that I have been named so aptly ;). In college, I met a Malaysian girl who told me that my middle name Tajan, means "to bear" in Malay. In Filipino, it means not to cry or stop crying. And of course my last name is Cruz which means cross. So if you put it all together my name means "wonderful to bear cross." I just hope that everyday I can live up to that :).

Shotgun Weddings

I got a call from a good friend in Philadelphia just a few minutes ago. She informed me that Armando got married last week. She was wondering if I knew about it. I still kept in touch occasionally with him even after I realized that I could not give up medical school for him. I remember calling him after failing my second Biochemistry exam sometime early November of my first year. Prior to that, I was thinking that I will just go through first year then drop out just to prove to myself that I could have been a doctor if I wanted to. I would just have happened to choose being a minister's wife because that's the more noble thing to do. But med school did not turn out to be a piece of cake. And I actually enjoyed learning. And at that point, I haven't even seen Armando for 2 years, who knows if I still liked him? There was also the nagging thought that there were only a couple of things I admired about him. One is that he is really dedicated to his duty. His ministry would be all that he would live for and he would always be content. I hardly meet people who are just always content with whatever they have or whatever they are doing. The other is that he is really good about making other people feel that he cares about them and their problems whether or not he does. Were those two qualities enough for me to spend the rest of my life with him? (I probably should also add that he is always on time and he loves to cook and clean. Also, my mom is going to kill me for this, but I thought he was a good kisser.) What about honesty, integrity, self-reliance, appreciativeness, sincerity, genuine good-heartedness? Only one thing was clear then, I was fixated on being a minister's wife at all cost. I somehow thought that if I marry a minister, that would validate that I am a "good girl". After all, all good girls marry ministers, right? It sounds all so incredulous now. But at one point, I must have fully believed that in my heart.

So that Novermber I told him that there's really no point of me hanging on to the relationship when I knew it could not be my priority at the moment. He also understood that being the firstborn in my family I had the obligation to support them financially. He used to say that he would send the official request to marry me as soon as he graduates. But he then realized a lot of factors were working against us. He said he would not send the request for me since he knew I will just say no. Besides he figured that I would have not been happy being a stay at home wife and mother just fully devoting my time to taking care of my family. He said that I would just have regrets. Plus, of course, he said his mom doesn't like me for him because "hindi niya ako kaya". That roughly translates to that I am too independent for her to control. Armando is 34 years old. It is such a shame that he puts so much stock to his mom's irrational thoughts. But in a way, I am glad that she feels that way. I would have been so laden with guilt if my pursuit of education would have been the only reason why I was not marrying him. I did ask him later, if I were to decide right then and there to pack up my bags and go would he have married me? He said no. It hurt a lot then but I am glad that he did say no. He essentially made the decision for the both of us. It is somehow comforting that I did not have to make the final decision.

So I told my friend in Philadelphia that I last spoke with him in October and at the time no date was set yet. He had requested permission from the Church administration to court the girl back in August. He just arrived in the congregation April 2006. He was resolute that he would marry soon. They are granted permission to marry upon graduation from ministry school. He just felt that it was time and there was no reason for delay. Apparently, he started talking to her in May. So, he only knew the girl for almost 4 months before he made the decision that she was the one he would marry. I asked him how did he know she was the one. Apparently the minister in his congregation encouraged him to marry this girl. Of course, I had to ask him if she was "better" than me? You know, I am just so full of myself. I cannot possibly believe that he could find a nicer,smarter, sweeter person than me so quickly. He said that he agrees but he was not necessarily looking for someone "better". He just wanted someone "good enough". And she happens to be so. And he did pray for guidance on this. He just felt that God has given her to him as an answer to his prayers. So, how can I argue with that? I guess to end this ranting, I must say that I am happy for them. I think love in whatever form is always a blessing. I am sure that God has brought them together because they are perfect for each other. So I wish them well..

Also, one of the other ex-bfs, (i dated him briefly after one of my breakups with Armando) called last week (yes, mom, the navy guy). I had to break up with him because I thought I still had feelings for Armando. Plus of course, our personalities just did not match. Apparently he went home to the Philippines last month for a vacation. He met this girl who he thought was madly in love with him. He married her within 4 days of meeting her! Of course, I had to ask again if she is "better" than me? I could really be so childish sometimes. Interestingly enough he said no but she was "puwede na" or good enough. So, I couldn't help but wonder (borrowed from a Carrie Bradshaw line), at what point do we settle for "good enough"?

You Wanted Pictures

Here goes some pictures from last December...


Multinational Women of Mount Holyoke
Glenda, Dallas, Tx; me, Philippines; Edith, El Salvador; Krysia, Peru
Upper West Side, New York City


With honorary nephew/little buddy James (Glenda's son)



With Glenda, Edith and their kids
American Museum of Natural History


Ladies who Lunch in Medical School
L-R Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, Carrie ;)
(Christi, Molly, Wei, me)
Wei's birthday dinner, Maggiano's Indianapolis

Moms of St. Louis, Missouri Group Worship Service who kindly adopted me for the New Year's weekend


New Year's Eve 2006 with friends in St. Louis