September pics

9/3/2006 Wyndham Hotel- Schaumburg, IL
Still waiting for the one to teach me how to swim :).



9/4/2006 Sack race-Team Indianapolis (Round Lake Beach, IL)



9/11/2006 Viand Bar and Kitchen - Magnificent Mile, Chicago
Mini-reunion with high school classmates Mich Z. and George P.

Pity Party is Over

This post is for my family and friends who might be worried that I am still sad. I have been praying a lot lately asking for guidance on how I can better manage my emotions. (Incidentally, we had a whole lecture in Psychiatry class about defense mechanisms!). I think I am ok now. It started last night, we had an online exam to take this weekend. I was fully expecting to fail on first try (we have 2 chances of passing). I have only studied one week of 3 weeks of lecture. But thankfully, I passed. So instead of stressing about retaking and studying for the test on this fine Sunday afternoon, I am posting here once again :). I still have to study the other 2 weeks eventually but being the procrastinator that I am, I will gladly delay that task. I went to bed happy that despite all the grief going through my head I have managed to still learn my neuroanatomy. I even wondered that maybe all this emotional turmoil is helping me retain the material hehe.

Then I woke up early. Very not typical for me on a Sunday morning. I even had time to straighten my hair. Drove to church for the 10:00 AM service. We have choir practice right before the worship service. The hymns sounded more special than ever. One chorus goes - " O to be near the Father I adore, And to hear the love in his voice, Will end my heartaches and my tears; And forever more I will rejoice."
After performing in the adult worship service, I then changed into my white uniform for the Children's Worship Service. The lesson was about the time our Lord Jesus Christ sent his eleven disciples to make disciples of people everywhere, after his resurrection, before he ascended to heaven. I felt very energized. We had lots of children attending from as far away as Kentucky. The children recited verses after the service. I also congratulated those who participated and won medals in the districtwide Family Olympics held in Round Lake Beach, IL (1 hour north of Chicago) last Labor Day.

After the service, we had a meeting for all Binhi/Kadiwa members. These are the organizations for the unmarried baptized members of the Church. Being the Kadiwa President, I enumerated to the attendees our planned activities for the next few months. We are planning to go to GreatTimes where they have miniature golf, go-karts and games. We will also go bowling and ice skating.

After the meeting, I went to my car and took out my doctoring instruments. I practiced taking blood pressure on several people at Church. It was really fun knowing that I am acquiring new skills. I then realized God has placed me exactly where I need to be. I may not be married to a minister but that does not mean I cannot accomplish my missions in life. One of which is to be a blessing to other people. The other could be to say something funny at least once a day :). So there, I am appreciating the good things I have in life, knowing that I am making a contribution. And yes, daydreaming sometimes hope against hope that there may still be a minister out there for me when I am ready :).

Crying in Public

I didn't realize that I was in so much pain until I cried in public today. I have joined a noon time Bible study group at school. We read a couple of passages today. One of which is Proverbs 31:10-31. The one about the characteristics of a good wife. God knows how I so want to be a great wife and mother. I also want to be a great doctor. I had an 8-year on-again, off-again relationship with A. I thought he was the one. I was looking forward to being a great minister's wife. With the stresses of my first year in medical school plus the burden of a long distance relationship, I lost faith that things could work out between us. After all, there was no certainty that in case we would get married that I can still continue to be in medical school and work afterwards. Typically the ministers' wives do not work. There are some who do so there is a small possibility that something can be worked out. Long distance marriages are also not common. My medical school is here in Indianapolis and he is in Calamba, Laguna. I have heard of ministers in some Asian countries and the Middle East who do not bring their wives with them. So in theory, there's also a slim chance that a long-distance marriage while I am in medical school can be worked out. But again the possibility is very slim.

I thought I was over him. He had said some hurtful things in the past, the last of which was in June. I had the willpower not to call him for about 2.5 months. He told me way back in June that he thinks he might be falling for someone else in the congregation where he was assigned right after his graduation last March. When I spoke to him the other day, he said he thinks that she might be the one he would marry. I thought it was so unfair. For 8 years, it took a lot of effort from me to make the relationship work. Now, he meets this girl for 4-5 months and he's ready to marry her? My first instinct is to fight, fight, fight! I have worked so hard to make the relationship work. But maybe that is a red flag. I should not have to work hard for a relationship to work. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I think this is my insecurity in life. I am afraid that I will end up marrying somebody that I am not passionately in love with. Is it better to be with someone you love or to be with someone who deserves your love? I know God has a special plan for me. I look back in the past 8 years and the "bad times" in the relationship have actually led me to this day, one day closer to becoming a doctor. If things were always so rosy between us, I would have not have left Philadelphia where we met. I really feel privileged to be in this path of being able to help others in their suffering. I just need to not dwell in the state of my relationships or the lack thereof.

Anyways, at the end of the Bible study, we had some prayer requests. And I requested that may God show me the right path to sort through this rough emotions. One of my classmates prayed for me. It's typical for people at Church to shed a tear or two during heartfelt prayers since everybody's eyes are close anyways. I don't think everybody's eyes were closed during the Bible study so it was slightly embarassing for me to show emotions. But I could not help that the silent tears just kept coming. I don't know what the tears were really for, for losing an idealized imperfect love, for the fear of not loving again or for the guilt that I lack faith that God will provide for all my needs?

First Couple of Days

I just finished Day 2 of my sophomore year in medical school. It's great to be back. I was a little anxious last week of the amount of work that lie ahead. But slowly but surely, I am back to my carefree ways. I figured if I have made it this far, the next year should be manageable. :)

I am trying something new this semester. I am totally focusing on schoolwork! Since my senior year in high school about 15 years ago, I have worked while being in school. It's great not to have to work this time around.

I am also excited that I get to know more classmates in depth this year. I still hang out with close friends from last year. It's nice to get to know them even more. I also get to meet other classmates through school activities. I love meeting new people and connecting with them. Almost always there's something about them that inspires me. More often than not, they are sweet, caring and fun. They truly make medical school more enjoyable.

Castaway Ending

I just caught the last few minutes of the ending of this Tom Hanks movie.
"Who knows what the tide could bring?", he rhetorically asked. I echo his hopefulness as I am about to begin my second year in medical school.

I remember last year we took the Myers-Briggs test as a tool to enhance our self-awareness. I'm the ENFP type, otherwise categorized as "most optimistic".
What's your type?

Ghetto Life

Yep. I live in the ghetto. By choice, really. It gives me satisfaction that I own my little house. I currently don't have to worry about mortgage nor rent. I sold half of my duplex house to an old friend. So, essentially I live in a one-bedroom house (more like an apartment) about 600 square feet in area plus basement. The space is plenty for me as I hardly own much plus I rarely entertain guests. I did not grow up in an "entertaining" house, we're more accustomed to being guests rather than hosts. I have lived here for more than a couple of years now. There has been no major incidents so far in terms of threats to my personal safety. There are the occasional annoyances: stolen burning car next door, stolen outgoing mail, stolen center caps of my hubcap, and most recently shredded car antenna. No big deal, really.

So what has inspired me to write about my neighborhood? Today, I was playing hookie from work. Or I should say, I'm working from home :). So, I decided to walk over to the bank as I usually do. I typically don't carry my purse around just by common sense. I just bring the check I need to deposit plus my photo ID. The bank as well as the grocery store is just a short walk from the alley behind my house. I then noticed a couple of police cars at the bank's parking lot. Inside the bank, I saw the officers talking to an old lady. It turns out that she was robbed in broad daylight a few minutes before I got to the bank! The bank tellers were saying that it was the 5th robbery in front of the bank in the last 3 months (not even counting actual robberies inside the bank). They told me to be careful. I told them that I need not worry since I typically don't have any money on me.

So, I walked back home and I see this car parked behind my neighbor's house. I just know that new neighbors had recently moved in. The woman in the car said hello. So I chirpily responded to the woman and the man with her, "Oh, are you my new neighbors?". She said no and that they were just looking at the house. I asked if the house was for sale. She said no. And then it hit me that she must be one of the "pretty women" plying my neighborhood.

So, that's a slice of my life here in the 'hood. I don't mind living here at all. It certainly makes for colorful stories. :)

Best Dad in the World

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

It's my dad's 58th birthday today. I used to think of my dad as the anti-romantic hero. No flowers to my mom ever. No chocolates. No sweet nothings. But throughout the years I have appreciated him more and more. :) His devotion to family is matchless! He is God-fearing, selfless, hardworking, loyal, faithful, and loving. What could be more romantic than all of that and more combined?

Bridesmaid Dresses

I am scouting for good tickets to California for a friend's wedding in October.
I am really happy for her that she found her "the one". As I think about weddings, I count the number of times I have been a bridesmaid. Six times! Here are a couple of pictures.



Channeling Marilyn in Bloomington, Indiana (July 2005)



Wedding by a Seattle beach (June 2005)

Sixth Grade

I went back to my old school for sixth grade. I'm standing third from left, again right next to my good friend from grade school, Rosalyn (2nd from left).

My grandmother in my father's side died when I was in sixth grade. We attended her funeral in Bulacan. From my home province of Bataan, our family traveled by jeepney to pay our respects. I did not really know her that well. From what I hear, we could have a lot of similarities. She was a very independent woman. Her faith was central to her life. I guess that's part of the reason I am writing my memoirs here in my blog. Maybe my future grandchildren and greatgrandchildren will be able to read this and through my stories understand themselves better.

Happy Birthday, Wewe!

My brother Vincent (nicknamed Wewe) celebrates his 29th birthday today. My youngest sister Viva affectionately calls him Kuya (Big Brother) Attorney. He passed the bar exam in 2003. His girlfriend also passed the bar recently so wedding bells for them might be ringing sooner than later. My dad always jokes around that he is a frustrated lawyer. He is really proud that we have a lawyer in the family.

When we were about 8 and 9, Wewe and I used to quiz each other about capitals of different countries. We had these 2-volume Grolier's Encyclopedia/Dictionary where we got our information. When we got done with the capitals, we combed the dictionary for entries on U.S. Presidents. I don't know why we were interested in learning them in chronological order.

Statistically Speaking

For all those so inclined...

http://www.guzer.com/animations/100_people.php

Fifth Grade

My dad lost his job at the bank a few months before my fifth grade. We couldn't afford the house payments so we moved from our lower middle class existence in the village to our old house in the town proper of Mariveles, Bataan. My mom's parents had given us this house built on rented land. The landowner apparently did not want to sell off the land. So, in theory we could have been evicted at any point. My mom felt guilty when one day the landowner fell off the roof of his house. She wasn't sure whether she's partly to blame for thinking that the landowner was very mean.

I guess my parents could not afford to send me to private school that year so I attended the local public school. It was a totally different experience. The new school is really huge. There was at least 8 sections of 30 students in my grade.
I did not have problems at all fitting in at the new school. I even learned a very important lesson that year. That it is no big deal to "fail". I have gotten top academic honors the 2 prior years at the old school. It was a shock to me that at the end of the fifth grade, I only finished second. I was still number one academically but somehow the overall marks also depended on "character". It was not clear to me that I was assigned to clean the windows. Since apparently I did not clean the windows, I did not get a good grade for "character". That was the last year they graded "character" that way. We grew up mostly having household help so up to this day you still can't expect me to volunteer for household chores :).

Grades 3 and 4

Apparently, we don't have a copy of the third grade pic, so I'm jumping to 4th grade. Can you guess which one is me? I'm standing at the third row, second from right.

The classmate to my left was B. I'm not sure if he was also in our third grade class. He had seizures so ever so often we would witness one of his episodes. It was very sad. The class would be quiet as the teacher places a spoon in his mouth to prevent him from biting his tongue. I think he passed away when we were just in high school. I was already studying in the city then so I was not able to go to his funeral.

Grade 2

I'm the 5th one from the right, with bangs and shoulder-length hair.

Hmmm what do I remember from 2nd grade? I remember learning the musical multiplication table. I remember playing Monopoly at a classmate's house. I had fun there and I was so impressed that they had an ice cream maker. Anybody else remembering anything from second grade?

First Grade

Thanks to my grade school classmates for scanning and posting this class picture. I don't even remember having a copy of this picture. I'm sitting at the second row, far left, the one with chubby cheeks and long bangs.

I can't say I remember much from the first grade. I just remember being in kindergarten one day and then the next day I was transferred to first grade. I still know all my teachers from the picture. They were still teaching at Mt. View even after we finished grade school. I still recognize most of my classmates, most of us stayed at the same school until 6th grade. Our village was relatively small. Everyone pretty much knew everybody. We just walked to school by ourselves. We played in the streets. We visited each other's houses. We caught dragonflies in the fields. All in all, we pretty much led simple lives.

Good for another 100,000 miles

I was sitting at the reception area of the cardiologist's office today. My appointment to train him for the hospital's computer system was supposed to be at noon. He got called to the wards so I ended up waiting for at least 45 minutes. While waiting, I noticed an elderly man sitting across the room. I was reading my book, the one about reflections of women doctors, to pass the time. A few minutes later, in my peripheral view, I saw an elderly woman come out to the reception area. I heard the elderly man who I am assuming to be her husband say, "So, you're good for another 100,000 miles?". I looked up at him since I thought that his comment was really funny. He had such a warm loving smile directed to his wife. He glanced at me briefly, he must have noticed that I was also smiling. His wife didn't hear him at first so as he approached her he said again, "good for another 100,000 miles?". His wife laughed and they walked off to the sunset.

The Road to Becoming a Domestic Diva

Hello family and friends! I did not realize that it's been a month since my last posting. So, what have I been up to? I just bought my first cookbook today! I am determined to learn how to cook :). I am pretty sure I can follow recipes. How hard it can be? I have a degree in Biochemistry, ahem ahem. I can follow complex molecular biology protocols. I have studied apoptosis in traumatic brain injury in rats. I have worked in elucidating the controls of angiogenesis in the chicken eye. I have studied signal transduction pathways in leukemic cell lines. My credentials can just go on and on ;). It is just a matter of finding the motivation to actually cook everyday. And no, Mr. Right has not come knocking at my door. If I wait to cook until he finds me, I might not learn in this lifetime hehe. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am cooking and it's all for me.

There are about 300 recipes in this book. I'll start with recipe #1 which is longanisa. I can probably easily buy that at the store. But for the sake of being able to say that I can cook longanisa from scratch, I will try it tomorrow. For tonight, I got some fish to fry and I have red ripe tomatoes to go along with that. Yum! Yum! So, don't be surprised if you see me 20 pounds heavier the next time we see each other. :)

A Piece of My Childhood

Guess what came to my doorstep today? The 24 volumes of Disney's Wonderful World of Knowledge (copyright 1973)! When I was trying to update my profile for this blog, I remembered that one of my favorite books is volume #14 of this series. As I flipped through the fairytales now, I can remember myself as a little girl reading the book over and over again. I fantasized about being Cinderella, Rapunzel, Princess Briar Rose, the Little Mermaid, the girl with the red shoes, etc. I lost this book at least 20 years ago. You see, in our house everything disappears ;). Our family is just not very particular when it comes to neatness and orderliness. At least that's the excuse I say to myself whenever I come home to my place that always looks like a tornado has just passed by hehe. If ever you have wondered why I have not invited you to visit, that is the reason :). But anyways, thank goodness for eBay, I now have my favorite book again. I just need to get a bookcase for the collection so it will have a proper place in my house. I am saving it for my future daughter(s). But don't you fret my feminist friends. I will not let them grow up to be damsels in distress. They will also hear the politically correct bedtime stories where women are so capable and there's no "living happily ever after" myth with Prince Charming. :)

Coming Home

Greetings from South Hadley! Ten years to this date I graduated from Mount Holyoke College in this lovely town in western Massachusetts. It's great to be back, to see old friends and walk familiar paths of times past. My journey here in the United States started in this place. I can't help but to shed a tear or two as I reminisce where I have been and look forward to where I am going, excited about all the promises of the future that still lie ahead. I was sixteen when Mount Holyoke gave me a life-changing scholarship. From a small town in the Philippines, I was given the chance to cross the seas to a new world. I look to and draw upon that 16-year old self whenever the going gets tough, whenever the future seems so uncertain. I remember how I was back then, so certain that I will get to wherever I want to go, certain that the path I am taking is the path that God wants me to walk on. They say that to whom much is given, much is expected. I have been truly blessed with so much. I think I am ready to give as much as I can now. Maybe this is what growing up is all about. I can feel within me that I am ready to be transformed to be a nurturer after years of being nurtured. I am ready to share and live my faith unapologetically. I am ready to strive for what is best for all concerned. I may not have the answer to the problems of this world but I surely want to be of help to you as our paths cross. I know it's hard to reach this ideal self but I just want to say for the record that I am trying :).

Weekend Update

George just sent me this pic from our mini-reunion in Chicago! (7/12/06: Gracias George!)

I spent the last weekend in Chicago. I attended a special worship service geared towards the unmarried brothers and sisters in the faith from the whole district of Northern Midwest. It was a very spiritual service, a good reminder that I am indeed truly one of God's children :).

During the socializing afterwards, I met a sister from Milwaukee, WI who will be applying to medical school this year. I told her to try Indiana. Maybe God wants us all to study in Indiana since there's another sister in my class from the Portage, IN group worship service. I also finally met the sister from Chicago who is a neuroradiologist. She got her fellowship from Harvard so she was encouraging me to apply there when the time comes for me to do a fellowship. Long shot probably, but like she said prayers are powerful.

I was also able to attend the Sunday service in Park Ridge, IL. It was my first time to attend service there so I was really excited. I can now check it off my list of places of worship. I also saw a family there who used to attend the Boston congregation. I have not seen them since I graduated from college so it was really nice to see them again. Interestingly enough, I am actually going back to Boston next weekend for my 10th year college reunion!

After the service, I then headed to the Magnificent Mile to meet a high school classmate. I have not seen him since high school graduation,14 years ago. He said he was wondering why I never showed up at homecoming reunions. He didn't even realize that I just live in Indianapolis. He thought I was coming to Chicago all the way from the Philippines. We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory by the Hancock tower. He is now almost in his last year of residency for Family Practice. It was nice of him and his wife to spend some time with me that day. It was actually their wedding anniversary. Thanks George and Julie!