why i can't get things done

subtitle: life as a 4th year

i have this radiology paper that i need to submit for publication soon. but it's really hard to find the motivation to prioritize working on it.

i had good intentions to work on it today. our lecture finished early. but on the walk back home, a friend asked me if i want to go shopping. how can i resist? :)
after shopping, another friend called to ask me if i want to go running. i need exercise, right? after running, i got a message from a friend wanting to go to dinner. i need to eat, right? :)

so we're all 4th years now. our thoughts are preoccupied by things like applying to residency programs. we need to finalize our CVs and personal statements. most of us pretty much know which specialty we are going into. we're narrowing down our list of places where we want to be. it's an exciting time for us. in our last year, we are trying to learn as much as we can. soon enough, we'll be responsible for a lot of things. we'll probably look back to this last year as the best of times. good luck to all of us as we journey on!

Risktaking

oops.. i was writing something about risktaking yesterday, but decided not to post it. but the title posted itself somehow :), so here goes..

Somebody commented today that I must be a risk taker. I personally don't think so. I don't like taking risks really. I don't jump off planes.. I don't gamble... Obviously, no sex, drugs and alcohol :). I think that I have a pretty conservative approach to life. Risktaking somehow has negative connotations for me. I think of a risk taker as someone who throws caution to the wind; someone who goes through life haphazardly. I'm pretty cautious actually. I like making plans, deliberate plans at that. So please, you may call me adventurous but please do not call me a risk taker :).

I had to check Webster for the definition of adventurous: "characterized by unknown dangers and risks (an adventurous journey)". Is being adventurous and being a risk taker the same then? Wait, there's a fine point, "adventurous implies a willingness to accept risks but not necessarily imprudence". So I guess I should qualify my statement then, I am not an imprudent risk taker.

new place

hello, friends and family! just a quick hello from my new place.

las vegas was great. moore and i stayed at planet hollywood. we reminisced about the good old grade school days. we even joked about getting hitched while in vegas ;).

here are some pics from the wedding:





that's it for now. back to watching... Hopkins!

D.C. pictures

wow! 2 comments since my last posting. thanks for sharing in my journeys :).
here are some pics from my D.C. trip:

with Edith and Amaya


with Glenda and James


with Sofia and Caroline


Lincoln Memorial at night


Blurry Washington Monument in the background


Fun times at the pool


Anteaters at the National Zoo


National Cathedral


Free hotel room after missing my connecting flight in Boston

first day of pilates

so i can now count three fitness activities i enjoy. walking, yoga and pilates!
the studio is about 5 blocks away from my new place. they are running a 2-week special so it's a great time to begin pilates.
alissa (australian "hostel-mate") and i actually woke up very early this morning to go to the studio only to discover that they were closed. we just ended up walking on the monon trail starting at the south broad ripple area (54th street) this morning. we also had omelets and biscuits at a local diner afterwards. it was an enjoyable walk with profound conversations about love, spirituality,and philanthrophy among other things.

i took a quick nap and shower after we got back and got ready to go to school. today was my first day of radiology clerkship. exciting times! i decided to take a walk to the hospital and catch the people mover. after our orientation lecture, i met with my research advisor and discussed my research project. yes, i actually do some hard work aside from all the fun stuff i write about here :). after promising her that i'll get the project done, i took the people mover again and walked home. after a couple of hours working on my research project, i then walked to my pilates class.

one new thing about me, i started wearing tank tops. i used to not like showing skin since i didn't want to risk being "provocative". but i realize that i'll be in my 40s soon. i think that there is a huge difference between being provocative at 16and when you're 32 ;). when you're older, you're probably more concerned about being fit rather than just looking good for vanity. i must say though, i take a second look now of guy's biceps and abs. i hope that's ok :).

my hostel home

hey hey hey! this is my first post from my new home for the month. this is the sixth, yep, sixth place in six months! amazing, huh?

i'm now living in the old northside of indianapolis about 7 blocks north of downtown where i used to live. my place is sort of a hostel with students and professionals from all over. there's a big house where the owners live with the other renters. i'm staying in the 3-bedroom carriage house at the back. i currently share the house with two guys from india. they are consultants for a software firm and are temporarily assigned in indianapolis. i haven't met all the people who live in the big house except for one woman from australia. she's a real estate investor, here for 3 weeks looking to snap up foreclosed homes. the environment has an international feel and the owners are super welcoming. they promote a home away from home atmosphere. i think that i'm really going to enjoy this month.

yesterday, one of my roommates tagged along with me as i ventured into the
monon trail . i've lived here in indy for so long and i had never been on the trail. we don't live far from the beginning of the trail so this is a good time to begin. it's a 10.5 mile trail. my goal is to be able to run the trail this month. i bought running shoes the other day. but i really don't think that i have a runner's personality. yesterday, we just walked leisurely for a couple of miles or so and headed back. i'll probably run/walk again later tonight.

i haven't really talked much with the other roommate. he apparently works at night. but the roommate i hanged out with yesterday is pretty cool. he said that he does yoga most mornings so i told him to wake me up when he does. i start my radiology rotation tomorrow and i don't have to be at school till noon. oh yeah, he also cooks! he seems to be an all-around decent guy.

the australian woman is pretty friendly too. we're actually going to do pilates tomorrow at a nearby studio. it seems that a lot of people i meet now is into eating healthy and staying fit. i guess, they are really not bad company to keep :).

so yeah, life is fabulous. i just finished a great month of medicine. i start radiology tomorrow. i'm heading to washington d.c. this weekend to meet up with my college friends, glenda and edith. then of course the week after is the wedding in vegas.

so that's the update for now. i don't know if anybody is still reading this. how come, nobody leaves a comment? :)

surreal

(i was supposed to post this yesterday but blogger suddenly went down as i was typing, not a good sign haha. i'll just post it anyways since i already wrote it..)

our health center emailed me the results of my recent varicella titer this morning. i had them drawn as a requirement for my away rotation. i opened the attachment and i zeroed in on the age part. it said: 32 years. wait a second, i thought to myself. they must have sent me the wrong results. i'm not 32. wait, how old am i? i AM 32. yikes! i forgot. and i'm not married yet? solution: "little church of the west" las vegas, july 12 ;).

what to eat

i can't help but be curious about what other people eat. the grocery store kinda overwhelms me. i don't really know what to buy. today, i went to a small store that prides themselves of selling reasonably priced organic stuff. one of my ex-roommates have taken me there before. i didn't really have a list. i knew i wanted to get some hummus and chips that one of my friends have shared with me recently. otherwise, i just planned to wander around and explore.

as i wandered around, i heard somebody call me. who knew that the grocery store is a great place to socialize? i immediately reached into my classmate's basket to see what's in there :). i got some of the same stuff for me. happy cooking to me :).

sawasdee

that's hello in thai. it looks like i'm going to be restaurant-hopping this summer so i want to share with you my gastronomical adventures. there were a lot of choices in the menu tonight but i still gravitated to my favorite thai dish: pad thai with shrimp. yum! good food, good company, good conversations. a night that made me smile ear to ear as i constantly reminded myself that there's really no need to think about tomorrow ;).

the next trip

you might be wondering where i'm headed for my next trip. i'll be viewing the 4th of july fireworks at the nation's capital!

i haven't posted the paris pictures here, so here are some:
(btw, one of my memorable experiences in paris involves a public toilet. i know, gross :). i really had to empty my bladder. we finally found a working one as we were looking for the metro (subway) stop. i went in and the stall was fairly clean. i did notice though that the bowl did not have a hole. hmmm, how am i supposed to flush? but i really had to go, so i went. i told my friend that it was so weird that the bowl didn't have a hole so i had to show it to her. as we walked back, the stall door was closed and we can kinda heard water noises. so after all the noise was gone, we opened the door and voila, the toilet was clean! it must have been a self-cleaning toilet. i should google that to find more information about its mechanism. :).)

downtown living

i was daydreaming down the hallway on my way out to throw the trash. i only realized that i might have missed the exit once i smelled the pool. as i walked back, a friendly voice asked me if i'm looking for where i need to throw the trash. (everyone in this building is so friendly)! i looked up and the guy looked really familiar. for the last 3 years, he has been a host at our medical school talent show. i am starting to feel that the city is getting smaller. :)

earlier in the day, i walked to my future home for next month. it turned out that the previous tenant is from my school as well. i recognized the name since he is going into radiology. i have not met him personally, but i will be on-call with him later on this month. (i'm doing an elective inpatient month in the hospital where i hope to apply for my transitional year.) he is in his last month of his transitional year. the transitional intern i'm working with this month is also going into radiology. (diagnostic radiology is a 5-year program: 1 transitional year + 4 years diagnostic radiology). it's nice to start getting to know people in the field.

lately, for dinner, i've been frequenting this cajun creole place across my building. but when i got there tonight they have ran out of food. so i decided to walk down the avenue to try to find another place. as i was walking, i ran across one of my classmates. it seems that everytime i walk around, i either run across somebody or i spot them in the outside seating area of the various eateries.

i love this area. very urban! i can pretty much walk to where i need to go. it's a side of indianapolis that is very lovely and very appealing to young professionals. the closest grocery store which i finally found in my random walk is a bit pricey, though. but the walk there and back to my place was very nice.

here are some pics of my current place:

this is my 5th place in 5 months. it's getting hard to explain to people why i move every month ;). ummm, who said that there needs to be a rational reason? :)

Caregiver

Yep, I'm a Sharonian. Blame it to my mom who used to take me to her movies as a little girl :). When I visited my cousins in England, one of them mentioned that Sharon was just there to shoot a movie. Of course, I had to google the film. I just watched the trailer and it made me cry. It portrays the life of a Filipina caregiver there. I met a true-to-life caregiver. I was delivering a package for her from her daughter. She, in turn, sent money back. I can only imagine her sacrifices in pursuit of a better life.

Here are some pics from the London trip.


The London Eye


Stonehenge




Reunions with Dancel and Ate Bebe




Tower Bridge and Tower of London


Windsor Castle

passport

after numerous calls to the post office and the french consulate, i finally got my passport today. whew! i thought that i would have to cancel my trip due to a lost passport. but it looks like the trip to london and paris is a go :).

i stopped by the house today, it looks like someone has taken up residence there. it seems like somebody has been sleeping on the bed. they still continue to strip the place down. my ancient tv and microwave is gone. my nice desk is gone. my books and papers are all over the floor. what a mess! i'm realizing that i probably won't go back there anymore.

i did find my 5th apartment. i'll be subletting a classmate's apartment in june. the condominium complex is a former five-story factory building located in the current arts district of indianapolis. the factory manufactured women's silk hosiery. at its peak in 1929, they sold 12 million pairs! however the discovery of nylon in the 1930s spelled doom for the company. in the '80s, developers renovated the space into 69 unique units. in 2008, i get to live there :).

Langit

I left the apartment at 4 o'clock in the morning. I was in the unit by 4:20 a.m. I glanced at his room knowing that something was amiss. I looked for his chart and it was nowhere to be found. Every morning for the last week or so, I have been afraid that it would be the day. His nurse saw me. She asked me if I already knew. I shook my head. She recounted the events of yesterday. She told me that his body is still there. We went in and there he was, all bundled up, looking very yellow. I didn't think I would cry. We all knew it was coming. By the time he was my patient, he was already fastly deteriorating. I told the nurse that I'll just stay for a little bit to say a prayer. The tears started coming. I know we don't pray for the dead. But I just felt like asking God for grace, for grace that babies go to heaven.

Somebody just asked me the other day if I think that babies go to heaven. I said that I don't know. If they are not in the body of Christ, only God knows of their fate. Only God knows.

4th apartment

Yep. I'm writing from my 4th apartment since January! I haven't quite decided where I'll be next. Most likely, it still won't be home yet. I'm way having too much fun living in different places :). I love these month-to-month arrangements. Other than the constant move, there's not much new. I did promise someone that I'll cheer him on for the Mini-Marathon this Saturday. It looks like I'll be taking up running soon ;).

Aftershock

Most people here in Indiana have not experienced an earthquake. Today was their lucky day. At about 5:30 a.m. this morning, a 5.2 magnitude quake was felt in Indianapolis. I did not feel it. I was on overnight trauma call and was assisting a resident hold a patient down as he inserted a chest tube to drain blood from the patient's chest. The patient had significant hemothorax after being involved in a motor vehicle accident.

But later this morning, as I was trying to catch some sleep at my current apartment, I definitely felt the aftershock. At first, I wasn't sure if I were just dreaming. But yep, a 4.5 magnitude aftershock was recorded. This is perfect timing as next week I will be moving to our very own twin towers here. The two towers are the tallest residential buildings in Indiana, each with 30 floors. Imagine experiencing an earthquake while living there. That should be interesting ;).

British visa

I got a call from UPS letting me know to expect mail today. I mailed my visa application last Thursday after getting my biometric finger scans and digital photograph at the local application support center. I'm on my anesthesia rotation right now so I'm typically done for the day before noon. So I went home and waited for the UPS man.

Everytime I go home, I feel that I should really move back. Despite the house's rundownness and clutter, there's still a serenity to the house.

[Loud knock at the door.]

UPS man: UPS!

[I opened the door.]

UPS man: I need your signature here.

[I signed for the envelope.]

UPS man: The bank behind you just got robbed yesterday.

[I just withdrew some money there last Monday].

Me: (rolling my eyes) That's why I don't live here anymore.
I just came back to wait for the mail.

UPS man: I can't blame you.


Sometimes I think about what lead people to commit crime. It's sometimes easy to blame them if you assume that they have addictions and need to support these addictions. Some for sure are on the lazy side. What if they are trying to work but just can't make ends meet? What's their hurdle for not getting a better-paying job? How do I see myself in the future making an impact in education promotion, job creation, and community revitalization? Certainly, the impact will not be made by fleeing the 'hood.

March pictures

the view from my bedroom



one snowy morning


piqua, oh GWS: first Holy Supper


birthday pictures




celebrating match day with my roommate at the jazz kitchen





this afternoon with pabu

the list

so i started carrying my list of procedures i still need to do. today i wanted to get signed off on starting an IV. but my patient was post-chemo so my resident spared him the torture of me trying to stick him. but i did get signed off on a rectal exam. the attending was no less than my favorite GI doc :).

Pogi points

Ate Bebe called me today. She was wanting to confirm my London itinerary. She also happily shared that she is getting married soon! She just started dating the guy in December but they are really wanting to be married as soon as possible. Granted that she has known the guy since way back her college years, I still asked her if she's sure. She said that once you know, you just know. Isn't that terribly romantic? :) I told her that maybe she should schedule the wedding in December since PB and I will also be in the Philippines then. But no can do. They want to get married pronto! The best part is that he's also Iglesia. He automatically gets extra "pogi points" for that ;).

match day

i know that daddy is tired of the "free food" post so i'm writing again for him :).
but before i leave the subject of food, let me talk about my food cravings. last night, i craved for tira misu cheesecake so i bought a whole cake! i'm still working on it, i have only eaten about 3/4 of the cake. earlier today, i had a craving for lechon kawali so i drove to the filipino carinderia and got myself a pound. since i was already there, i also got an order of caldereta. yum!

thursday was match day for my roommate. match day is the day when the seniors find out where they will be doing their residency. she will be going to memphis. it was a bit of surprise for her but she's happy nonetheless.

last night, i tried to play matchmaker. i have a couple of single friends who i thought might be a good fit for each other. so we went to see the colin farrell movie, in bruges. it's hard to tell if it was indeed a match. but at the very least, both of them have gained a friend. i'm planning a bowling outing for them. i guess some matches simmer for a time. others are more you're-perfect-for-me,-i-can't-wait-to-marry-you kind even only after a few months. i think though that both are equally romantic :).

free food

i love free food. our head deacon celebrated his birthday today at a buffet restaurant called "the journey". (it's interesting that in our culture the birthday celebrant pays for the bill. for non-filipinos here, the birthday celebrant usually gets the free meal). i've heard so much about their food but when i finally ate there, i wasn't all that impressed. that's the second time this week that i have not been impressed by restaurant food. last friday, i went to a spanish restaurant and tried dishes that have filipino counterparts: paella and embutido. i like our version better. i miss the days when i was just living on a $1.06/day for food. everything was just so tasty :). what did i get for $1.06? 2 apple pies!

for dinner, karla invited me over at her place just across the street from my apartment. (i will actually be subletting her place next). her mom visited and brought filipino food. we had pancit, longanisa and kalabasa! i also raided her bookshelf. i got a couple of surgery books, a book about the history of france and a book about a brahmin's son and his search for happiness and meaning of life.

her sister is also here for spring break. she relayed the news that johnny depp is shooting a movie here in indiana. i thought he was so cute in chocolat. of course, i had to google what kind of role he might be playing. it looks like he is playing a bank robber in the '30s, john dillinger who was actually born in indianapolis. i believe the man is buried in the cemetery not too far from my house. i haven't had a chance to visit the cemetery but they have tours to highlight famous people buried there. but anyways, i'm skipping school this friday to go to chicago to get my visa for france so i might try to stop by where johnny depp was seen. i didn't think he was cute before. it's funny how your definition of "cute" changes over time ;).

death

o Father, may You love me,
and count me reconciled,
forever thinking of me
as your devoted child.
and death is but a slumber,
sweet rest when all is done
awakened by the wonder
of Your returning Son...

i am always moved when we sing this hymn. we admit our frailties. we beg that our repentant prayers be heard as we lay bare our hearts. despite our unworthiness, we have the sure faith that God will always wait for us to draw near to Him.

i found out from pb that one of the ministers i know just passed away yesterday. he was battling cancer. while i was visiting the redwood city congregation last december, the brethren were amazed that he had enough strength to go up the tribuna during the worship service and lead a prayer. he used to be our district minister when i was in philadelphia. a decade ago, he was a youthful, charismatic minister. the person i saw last december was just a shadow of him. but for us, death is just a slumber..

my day

the alarm clock rang at 3:45 AM. i stayed in bed until 4 AM. i took a shower, ran to the hospital, and got there by 4:45 AM. as the lowly med students on our team, our main job is to start a note and record the vital signs for the patients in our service. by 6:00 AM, we start rounding with our residents and fellow. by 7:30 AM, we are in the operating room. this morning, i got to see ureter/kidney stones removed and kidney stents placed. we also have this robot that helps with the removal of the prostate and other minimally invasive surgery. i got to maneuver the robot today. i thought that was super-cool!

then off to lunch. i usually have lunch in the cafeteria and i often bump into classmates who are in other rotations. we chat about the specialties we are considering and our schedules for our 4th year. in the afternoon, i got to participate in removing part of a kidney. the patient has kidney cancer so we took out the affected part. my job was mostly to retract tissue and cut sutures (and also pretend that i know my anatomy ;)). on other days, i also suction, zap tissue, and close the skin either by suturing or placing staples. i can't say that i love the OR but it has definitely grown on me.

we got done with the last surgery by 5:00 p.m. i had dinner plans at 6:00 PM so i ran home, while calling friends to confirm that we are still pushing through. i took a shower and waited for a friend to pick me up. we also picked up a friend and met another at the restaurant. we had dinner and talked about interesting stories from our rotations. again we talked about specialty choices and our schedules for the 4th year. we try to keep up with our ritual of regular get-togethers. it gets harder as we get busier doing different things. but it always feels great to catch up and stay connected.

i'm home now, getting ready for bed and will be sleeping soon.
i have to be at the hospital by 4:45 again tomorrow. so that's a glimpse of my day. good night!

accidental invite

as i was rushing to go to church this evening. i suddenly blurted out to my roommate, "hey, wanna come to my church sometime." i don't know what made it easier. maybe because, i already told her for sure that i'm moving to the next place when my month is up. i pretty much come in with a mindset that i am only staying for a month. it's still sad halfway through the month when i realize that just when i am starting to connect with the roommate, it's about the time to move again. this time i will soon be leaving not only a roommate but also a pet. it's always nice to come home with pabu waiting by the door. i never thought i would like a dog licking my face :).

but anyways, my roommate said that she will come to church with me! yay for me having the courage to invite.

may movies

i got to thinking about movies. here's a couple of my must-see movies this may:
indiana jones and sex and the city.

somebody was telling us the other day that he used to coach kid's baseball. on his team was the son of mr. and mrs. green. they named their son, forrest. he felt bad shouting during the game, "run forrest, run!". :) i wonder if he has a brother named hunter...

does anyone have strong objections if i named my son - indiana cruz (something-something, insert father's name here)? and no, i will not have a daughter named carrie. carrie cruz something-something sounds too much like a coin flip :).

dirty dancing

patrick swayze has cancer :(.
II-dahlia ('89-'90)performed a dance at the front lobby based on the movie. i remember wearing a pink balloon skirt. i can't remember who my partner was.
i didn't see the movie until much later. baby, the female lead was planning on going to mount holyoke and joining the peace corps. her real name in the movie is frances. she was named after frances perkins who attended mount holyoke and who was the first woman to hold a cabinet position. incidentally, the current secretary of labor, elaine chao, is also a mount holyoke alum. i just thought i'd share some college trivia :).

elusive faces

there are some faces that i find hard to remember. i worked with a couple of residents today in the OR. i knew i was going to forget their faces. i tried my best to "memorize" their faces. since they were wearing masks for the most part, i even tried to focus on their hair, their built and even their bellies. it was useless.

later in the day, i saw a friend who just finished the same rotation. as he was explaining stuff to me, he noticed a resident who just sat next to us. he told him that he was giving me some tips. after my friend left, i then asked the resident if he's on the service i'm on. he said, yes. i then asked him, what his name is. and of course, he was the resident i worked with earlier in the day. i was so embarrassed.

so now i'm looking intently at their department photo. i probably still won't recognize my residents tomorrow. but at least, i'm trying :).

surgery theme song

one of our residents heard this song one day on her way in. we've been singing part of this song every surgery since then (to ward off too much bleeding, of course :)).

it goes:

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

---
btw, my favorite patient is doing just fine. we transferred her from the icu to the regular unit today.


play keep bleeding ringtone here

our class

i was googling a classmate's name and it brought me to these comments by one of our deans just before we began medical school. i just want to post it here so that i'll always remember. iusm will always have a special place in my heart.


WHITE COAT CEREMONY - AUGUST 'O5
Dr. Stephen Leapman's Closing Comments

Ladies and Gentlemen, you may have noted the music that accompanied our entrance into this beautiful auditorium. What you probably don't know is that the composer of this piece is sitting in the audience. He is Benjamin Lippincott and is one of very talented matriculants in the Class of 2009. Thank you Benjamin.

One of greatest joys and privileges I have as chair of the admissions committee is access to the stories that our students tell us regarding their reasons for choosing medicine and sharing their plans for the future. All medical school applicants are required to write personal statements and comments that will convince us why we should admit them to medical school. This past year there were 2,760 such stories shared with us, an increase of 25% over last year. Medical school applications are certainly on the rise.

The stories of the 280 students we matriculated are poignant, contemporary, and in many instances bring tears to my eyes. I see in them, the generous hearts and souls of the physicians of tomorrow, I see bright scientists and humanitarians, inspired by the past but armed with the technology of the future. I see a new physician emerging, one that will be a master over an ever expanding knowledge base but satisfied only if the humanistic approach to medicine is part and parcel of his or her practice.

With your permission I would like to share a few of these stories largely because I think they are representative of this Class of 2009. You have some remarkable people in your class, not just because of their scholastic aptitude but because they are just nice men and woman. Take Elizabeth Hay, a recent graduate from Northwestern University who is an ethicist, a physicist (and guys she understands auto mechanics better than most of us), and was a varsity member of the NW crew team, practicing on the Chicago river or in the basement of some dark forgotten gym before 5:30 every morning for 4 years. She relates the following story about the human touch of medicine:

The summer before my senior year of high school, my step father was diagnosed with a lung cancer. He had less than a year to live, even with the most aggressive treatments. My mother became his primary caregiver, and I gave what support I could. Mostly I just listened. She would often talk about how his doctors actually treated them like human beings with brains, or how some doctors just wanted to hustle them around like children while never explaining what was happening. I listened and I learned something quite unexpected. Above any other consideration that my parents held was that the doctors who gave them straight answers and compassion were the ones they most admired. It was more than ability; it was the ability to take the time and give my stepfather some control over his life and death. I came to understand that doctors are meant to do more than repair broken bodies, they are meant to comfort. My stepfather's death didn't cause me to make some grandiose plans about finding a cure for cancer. I'm not that naïve. What I took away from that hellish year was quieter and more personal. I took away a new resolve that I would be more than a good, competent doctor. I would be a doctor who listened and trusted with mutual respect. Elizabeth Hay will be at our Muncie campus.

Now let me tell you about Daniel Greene. Daniel is a non-traditional student; he's a graduate of Notre Dame University who served with our armed forces in Kuwait during the First Gulf war and later in Bosnia (and we thank you for your unselfish service to this country). He is a licensed EMT and found his way to medicine through the following poignant story. He writes:

I visited a mass grave near Srebrenica, Bosnia. The site was being excavated by the UN and guarded by US forces. The UN archeologist was an Australian professor, who warned us that what we were about to see was not for the faint of heart. Sgt. Alten, our driver, decided to wait in the Hummer. The forest gave way to a large clearing sectioned off with a white tape to make a grid over a large gray hole in the ground. The stench was horrible and stayed with me for weeks. The hole was filled with skeletons of women and children. They had been part of a mass execution during the conflict between the Muslims and the Serbs. In the days following that experience I realized I wanted to devote my life to healing, not destroying; not to tearing apart, but to making whole. Daniel will be at our Indianapolis Campus.

There are other stories that moved me and inspired me; like all the students who are trilingual or bilingual. We have students that are fluent in over 25 languages including Spanish and French, Korean, Ertu, Chinese, Swahili, Hebrew, Russian, Farsi, and one student, Jamin Yoder, who speaks fluent Pennsylvania Dutch. And we have Vera Vavinskiy, who came to the United States only three years ago from Belarus, speaking fluent Russian but no English. In three years she learned English, majored in Computer Science with an almost perfect GPA from IUPUI, applied to and was accepted into the Indiana University School of Medicine. Who says this isn't the land of opportunity and we don't have incredible students.

Take Allison Mayer, perfect GPA from Purdue, a Howard Hughes Scholar who has been pursuing her interests in molecular biology while exploring the effects of different cytokines on the level of BATH, an AP-1 transcription factor in t-lymphocytes. Allison, what does all that mean??

And not every one of you always knew they wanted to be physician. Some of you found this calling but only after looking at many other professions and jobs. Take Samuel Oyer, a very bright young man who started his college career at Washington University in St. Louis but wasn't sure which direction he wanted to head. He took some time off after his freshman year, worked in a cabinet factory learning to relate to people that were not the same as he; then he switched jobs to become an assistant for some moguls in an investment banking and advising firm, people who were really different than he. Realizing he wanted a career requiring plenty of thought and problem solving, but one that resulted in benefit to others, he chose medicine. He speaks fluent computerize.

Our students are incredibly talented, like John Krol, a music major who felt his original calling was to be an operatic singer but soon learned he had different talents as a nursing assistant and chose a path that led him to medicine. We have ball room dancers, flute, trumpet, violin, organ and piano players. This is a widely diverse class; there are African American, Hispanics, Asian, Native Americans, and Caucasians. We have small people and tall people, even a former IU basketball star in the class. Our age range goes from 17 to 44 (in fact, we have 3 matriculants over 40 in the Class of 2009 and an additional 10 who are over 30 something). 56% of you are men and 44% are women. Of the 92 counties in Indiana, 53 are represented in the Class of 2009. Fifteen percent of the Class comes from 18 states across this great nation of ours.

You are incredibly bright with overall GPA's of 3.68 and an average cumulative MCAT of over 29. More importantly, you are all nice, caring, warm people. Stay that way. Medicine needs you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if medicine is the profession of the heart and the soul of providing service, then this Class rightfully belongs in our profession.

Students: Please rise and face your relatives and friends.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I present to you the Indiana University School of Medicine Class of 2009.

Thank you for joining us today. Please remain seated while the class recesses and then join us for refreshments in the lobby.

8th birthday

maligayang kaarawan, dearest mel..
how does it feel to be 8 years old? ;)

gynormous

we were able to take out the most gynormous pair of ovaries that you can imagine. we also collected 20 liters of fluid from her belly. the badness was just everywhere. we also found possible colon cancer. the general surgeons had to be called in to resect that part. i had to leave for church so i don't know how the additional surgery went. but i hope that she is doing well. i'll be seeing her first thing in the morning. a month ago she was just blissfully going through life when she noticed her leg swelling up. she also complained of tightness in her abdomen. two weeks ago, she got a CT scan and bilateral ovarian masses were seen. she was referred to the clinic and i took her history just last monday. we ordered some labs and her surgery was scheduled soon after we received the results. ovarian cancer typically just sneaks up on you. her long journey of surviving the badness is just beginning.

love handles

i was studying with a friend and she suddenly commented that i have no "love handles". by genetic luck, most of us filipinas have petite frames prior to bearing a child. americans come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. tomorrow, we are operating on a 300 lb patient. i had an "ally mcbeal moment" looking at her belly when i saw her in clinic the other day :). i thought that i can probably fit in her belly if i assume the fetal position. no, i'm not making fun of her, of course. it's quite sad actually, we're highly suspicious that she has ovarian cancer.

our dining tables at mount holyoke had these tentcards with various facts and figures raising awareness about eating disorders and the ridiculousness of the media's portrayal of a woman's body. naomi wolf's book, the beauty myth, concerning the negative effects of these unrealistic images of beauty on women, just came out the year prior.

i wonder if men care about other men's love handles. i guess i do notice other women's figures sometimes. i wonder how much a woman's self-esteem is related to her weight. for some, it seems that the past history of being overweight still affects their confidence even after they have lost the weight. i try to be vigilant with my girls in sunday school. i want them to love their bodies. one day, one of them was crying because someone called her fat. i had a long talk with her to reassure her that she is beautiful the way she is. i felt obliged though to tell her that pb has a big crush on her. that was probably a mistake on my part. we shouldn't really be defined by how a man sees us but rather how we see ourselves.

11 Planets!

What happened to the good old days of 9 planets? And I thought Pluto is no longer considered a planet? A friend was worried that the assignment of astrological "ruling planets" will be messed up if Pluto is no longer there :). And now there are 11 of them! Well, at least we still retain the moniker of being the "third rock".

kumusta ka na?

that tender attachment,
the fondness,
without the expectation of anything
but heartwarming, nonetheless.
the affection freely given with no thoughts of possessing,
but just the gratitude of knowing a beautiful person
knowing you my friends, makes me feel beautiful.

wrong door

coming home after my dentist appointment tonight, i was surprised that my previous parking spot was still empty. hmmm, what are the chances? my new dentist told me that i have an abscess on one of my molars :(. the same one that i just had a crown put on last year. he referred me to an endodontist. so i was thinking maybe i can request a half-day off sometime this week to get my tooth taken care of. so in my usual la-la-la mode, i went up the stairs. my key could not open our door. i tried and tried again. well, the door said "I", but the door seemed bare. i thought we had a ribbon on our door. then, i realized that i must have been in the wrong building! so i got out of there as fast as i could :).

senior photo

we received proofs of our senior photo today. i'll make sure that all of you, my fans, will receive an autographed copy ;). just make sure i have your current mailing addresses.

london bridge is falling down..

falling down, falling down
london bridge is falling down,
my fair lady.

we got our tickets to london! we decided that we'll skip germany this time and just focus on england and france. i started watching movies set in france. i just saw paris, je t'aime, next are chocolat and before sunset.

now back to my paper on the ethics of artificial insemination for lesbians and the physician's right to conscientious refusal.. and for the record, i sincerely don't have a problem with my lesbian friends availing of artificial insemination. for a long time, i even thought that i, as a single woman would consider it. but i do realize that fathers are essential to daughters. so, i think i will get pregnant, the old-fashioned way ;).

speed traps

it was soooo ironic.. there i was, in front of the entrance to the indianapolis motor speedway, flashing lights behind me, an officer getting ready to write me a ticket.

i was actually early for church this morning. my car was second to arrive. but soon after, i realized that i had left my choir robe. so after the choir practice, i had to go back to my apartment to get it. on the way back to church, i was clocked going 60 on a 35 mph zone.

that's one thing about moving to a new place. your driving routine gets altered and you have no clue where the cops like to hang out. now, i know :). oh well, as we always say in our family, "charge to experience..". ;)

feels like college

a couple of advantages of living across campus: 1) freezing rain, sleet.. no worries about driving. 2) i can come home in the middle of the day, take a 3-hour nap, be back fresh for my overnight call tonight.

so, what's the price of convenience? ummm, just hundreds of dollars that i have not earned ;).

total eclipse of the moon

primetime view from my window as it unfolds! my fave celestial event though seen from my window was the 2001 Leonid meteor shower. i wanted to make a wish for each shooting star but i was so mesmerized that i forgot :).

a room with a view

one goodbye hug for the road and i was off..

i got here to my new place about an hour ago. i wish i can share with you my bedroom view of the indianapolis skyline at night. it is simply gorgeous! my camera doesn't capture night images very well. but i'll point you to this link so you have some idea. yes, indiana have some tall buildings. we're just not about cornfields, you know :).

so, tomorrow i won't have to drive to school. i'll just cross a street and i'm there. i really like these moving experiences. i get to live in different places. i get to know different people. and this time, my roommate has a tibetan dog named pabu. so i'll even have a pet for a month. i already told her that i'll be interested in walking pabu. quite the bonus, huh? :)

messing with me

i'm sitting here in the library seriously listening to our required modules as i google away. i've been kinda thinking of what i'll be doing for dinner tonight. i have some leftover food from a dinner hosted by one of my classmates the other night. i thought i should be ok just heating that up later. then there's this guy who i have met briefly before who stops by and tells me that someone wanted me to have the food that he is carrying. huh? i tried to look where he was pointing. then he tells me that he's just messing with me. now, i'm hungry :).

inside of you

peering inside the human body is both a revelatory and mystifying experience. you marvel as you look at the symphony of the various parts that composes all of us. the actual surgery though is not a spiritual experience for me. it seems that in a period of time, you may forget the sum of all the parts. you focus on the incision, the stitch, the sterile environment. no part of the body becomes sacred anymore. we prod, we poke, we sponge, we cauterize, with the hopes that when we sew the patient up, all may be well.

favorite smells

the smell of affection that lingers,
the smell of breakfast cooking,
raspberry-scented soaps,
th scent of sampaguita, and lavender, too!

the smell of the earth after a rainstorm,
the clean smell after a shower,
freshly cut grass,
clothes just out of the dryer..

scented candles,
new books,
my grapefruit, jasmine and mango body spray
smell of the ocean,
apples and freshly-baked goodies,
baby's skin..

just some of my favorite smells..

heartbeat

for the last three thursday afternoons, i've been working with dr. m. in her women prisoner's clinic. dr. m. is one of my favorite ob/gyns. she's a mother of 4, happily married to another ob/gyn doc. she's very kind and warm-hearted. she is a popular invited speaker on campus. she's always energetic and gives excellent talks on balancing career and family and women's health in general.

so i went and saw our last patient for the day. she's due in the next couple of weeks. today was the third time i was seeing her. i asked the normal stuff we ask, any vaginal bleeding, contractions, leakage of fluid, baby moving ok, etc. then i tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat. i could not hear it. i assured the mom that i'm still learning so it's taking me awhile. dr. m finally walked into the room. she gives it a try and could not find it either. she asked me to get the portable ultrasound. i started to worry a little. but finally, she heard the baby's heartbeat. the baby just had an unusual lie or position.

the prisoner liaison asked me if i am going into OB/Gyn. my honest response was that i do believe that i will eventually get there. i just don't know when exactly :) while walking in between the clinic and the library, i tried to picture myself as an OB/Gyn doc. surprisingly, i do like that picture of me.

for its own sake

truth...moral...goodness...happiness...health...beauty.

my preceptor had an exhibition of his art pieces the other day. he took up glass-blowing upon his wife's encouragement. in one difficult week at work almost a decade ago, he lost three babies. he needed cheering up.

here's a press picture of a couple of his beautiful creations:

where i live

this is the first of what i presume to be of many places i would live in this year. it's nice to come home to a warm and cozy house. i don't have to wonder whether i can take a hot shower in the morning :). You probably can't read the magnet in the refrigerator. "Kiss the cook.. he's Norwegian!" I thought that was funny since I actually studied Norwegian in college.

switching

i requested to have our teacher class be this saturday instead of tonight. we are having a bible study anyway at one of the brethren's house then. i'm glad i went home sooner rather than later. i got an email from our ob/gyn intern that we are to prepare a little presentation for our rounds tomorrow morning. (by the way, i just learned today that she switched from family medicine into ob/gyn.) our topic du jour is abnormal uterine bleeding. i'm just glad that i have no problems whatsoever with the monthly flow, otherwise that would be bloody awful :).

the european trip this may is slowly getting planned. i will be spending a few days in london/oxford, a few days in paris and a few days in hamburg. i'm excited to catch up with a couple of cousins, an ex-roommate and church friends.

auf wiedersehen for now!

indecision

i don't like being indecisive. there was a time that my most disliked phrase was "i don't know". how could you not know? but maybe sometimes we just really don't know.

maritess e-mailed me today. she ended up going into geriatrics. she is now practicing in amarillo, tx. she is strongly discouraging me from going into ob/gyn. she had co-residents in new york who switched from ob/gyn to internal medicine after being sued during their intern year.

on the way home, i picked up some books from a friend who is going into ob/gyn. she seems really passionate about it. that's my only reservation about radiology. i can't really say that i am passionate about it. i guess, i'll just apply. for all i know, i may not even match to a radiology program.

Fat Tuesday

In honor of Fat Tuesday, I have cancelled my gym membership. It only took me 2 years to admit that I'm not just the type who works out ;).

home early

what was an expected 29-hour work day turned to just a 23-hour day. the hours went by pretty quickly with me participating in 3 exhilarating deliveries and performing countless pelvic exams. i was then supposed to be in the OR this morning. but we don't have a surgical gyn case till 10:30 a.m. so my attending just let me go home. sweet! i have gained 6 hours of my life! :)

a bit of news about my housing situation. i have decided not to go back to my house just quite yet. i did find a new roommate. as much as it is absolutely tempting to stay in my current place, i think it would be best if i move on when my month is up. my new roommate who i also found on craigslist is a 4th year medical student. she lives just right across our campus so i can just walk over to the hospitals. she's actually going into OB/Gyn; i am hoping that she can sway me into the field :). the other day, i was talking to my current roommate who is an Internal Medicine intern about career choices. he said that he almost went into OB/Gyn. i told him that I think i'm passionate about women's healthcare. he did make a point that passions can fade. and when the passion is not there anymore, would I really want to be stuck with the long hours?

laborettes and the lone ranger

at ob/gyn orientation we were told that we should introduce ourselves to the "laborettes" (women in labor) as early as we can. we wouldn't want to be "the lone ranger" (anonymous masked person) appearing unannounced at the delivery party. that was pretty funny to me at 7 in the morning :). Hi-yo silver, away!

tornado warning

a tornado is supposed to be heading our way as i write this. tornado in january! our lights are flickering.

the burglars strike back

i guess since my neighbors know that i am not at home, they have decided to come finish the house off. the broken computer is gone. my printer is gone. my 5-in-one printer/fax/copier/scanner/phone is gone. my modem and wireless router are gone. they even took my diagnostic set! and daddy, remember that sack suitcase we got for my trip over here? they took that, too. well, looking at the bright side, i now have less excess baggage :). this must be the year of traveling through life very lightly.

fortune cookie

"You will be spending time outdoors, in the mountains, near water."

Earlier today, between the mall food court and the theater playing 'Juno', I opened my fortune cookie. I asked out aloud where in Indiana can I find mountains. My friend reminded me that I am going to Guatemala. Oh yeah, how can I forget?

I also got to see my classmates at the annual talent show at school today. (By the way, Mr. OC, one of them was the third-year on your team in Wishard last June :). She gave birth in September.) It is always nice to catch up with good friends.

double standard

i love it that my mom and i can talk about anything under the sun. i don't know if it's our own way of compensating for not seeing each other more often. question du jour: is it ok if the guy already has "experience"? a part of me wanted to hear a resounding no but she doesn't think it's a big issue. i've heard from others that it's actually "better" if the guy has experience. yes, i've been called a prude. i presumed that it was meant to be an insult but i don't remember feeling offended.

brokeback guy

what a way to leave this world.. so sad. maybe high-profile cases such as this make us more attentive to friends and family who might be spiraling down. let's all hug a friend!

unexpected move

i'm here at a sandwich and soup place close to my school. they have free wi-fi here. i have a test this friday so i'm trying to get some studying done. i got a little sidetracked by the other course requirements i needed to finish up. i just finished all of them so i'll attempt some studying now.

so in about a couple of hours, i'll be moving to my new place. totally not what i expected when i woke up this morning. i went to the guy's house earlier today and handed him my check. he seems nice. as it turned out, he has apparently seen me around the hospital. his place is immaculate. he told me to be careful about his expensive pots and pans. i said, "no worries, i don't cook!". ;)

these old pipes

my pipes burst! so i looked into craigslist for temporary housing. i didn't want to fix the pipes since i don't have heat anyway. so i thought i should go live somewhere else until it gets warmer. i found this guy looking for a 2nd roommate charging $450 and it includes everything. it would be an interesting month.

no school today

i'm still up since tomorrow, i mean, today is a holiday. truth be told, for the longest time i didn't know that martin luther king is different from martin luther. sad but really true. we didn't have the internet way back when. now you can pretty much google anything. i really appreciate having information at my fingertips. i google random people, places, events, etc. a little travel update, i'm planning on going to england and germany in may so i'll be googling those places next. i may have found a good travel companion :). so if things work out i would not be traveling solo for a change. imagine that!

online dating

there seems to be something unromantic about it. imagine your grandchildren asking you how you met grandpa. ummm, online matching service :). i'd much rather say that i met him on the plane going somewhere exotic ;).

but by the numbers in the last few years:

1 cousin in England who met her husband online
2 high school classmates happily married to their online match(Phoenix and Australia)
1 high school classmate almost married to someone she met online (Philadelphia)
1 medical school classmate who met his wife online
1 medical school classmate who is engaged to someone he met online
1 medical assistant i worked with in one of the clinics who met her fiance online

pretty good odds, huh?

sorry mom, i still can't do it :).
it's quite tempting though whenever i get a notice that someone is interested. i get to see their profile and all but i would have to be a paying member before i can actually read their emails and be able to communicate with them. maybe they'll have a promo one day for the ladies that they don't have to pay. 1 month costs 34.99. i don't think so! actually even if it were free, that's ok. i'm just looking forward to the next plane ride ;).

is timing really everything?

episode 38.

carrie types on her laptop. i'm now typing on my laptop. life imitating art? ;)
some quotes from the show:

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Miranda: It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.

Samantha: From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.

Charlotte (drunk): I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!

Suicide

I am on my Psychiatry rotation so we always have to ask our patients if they have thoughts of harming themselves. One of my patients said yes today. A friend was just telling me that she was devastated when one of her co-fellows took his own life last year after getting kicked out of their program. She was asking herself whether she would have missed the signs if he was her own patient. It is easy to imagine that when we ourselves are just trying to survive the demands of our professional and personal life, it becomes very difficult to notice when someone is desperately in need of our help. Yesterday, the mother of a former medical student here spoke to us and shared the story of her son who committed suicide when he was a third-year. He was just like us in many ways. At the AA meeting that I attended last night, there was an announcement that one of their own took his life over the weekend. The sadness in the room was palpable. There were probably a number of them asking if they could have done something for him.

The beginning of Canto XIII of Dante's Inferno goes:

The leaves not green, earth-hued;
The boughs not smooth,
knotted and crooked-forked;
No fruit, but poisoned thorns.

On Being a "Girl"

At Mount Holyoke, we were quick to point out that Mount Holyoke is not a "girl's school" but a women's college. Just hearing the word girl made us cringe. When I turned 18 towards the end of my sophomore year, I proudly announced that I was no longer a girl but a woman. I remember this brother from Boston who I had a little crush on. He was 10 years my senior, very kind and handsome guy, just graduated then from Harvard Law School. He looked at me funny and asked with a smile, "What exactly do you mean?" I said, "I am an adult now!".

But somewhere along the way, some of my past posts are good evidence, I somehow reverted to calling myself a "girl". Hmmmm.. Is it a subconscious need for me to fit in amongst my medical school peers? I just got this group email from a friend that began as "hey girls!". I began my previous email to them with "hey ladies!" A "girl" just sound so young, dependent, naive and maybe even unsure of herself. A woman seems to sound more accomplished, more sure of herself and what she wants in life. "I am woman, hear me roar.."

-----

Apparently one of the presidential candidates said that wives should submit to their husbands. One of my classmates was irked that this particular verse was mentioned recently at her Church's service. She said that she couldn't believe that in these modern times this verse is still being read. I didn't say anything. I'm not one to pick and choose which parts of the Bible I would and would not accept. So I wholeheartedly agree that wives should submit to their husbands. Take that with a grain of salt from a single woman ;).

Translations

We got the Holy Supper line-up today. It is always interesting how the hymns get translated, more often than not they are not "literal" translations. Check out the translated titles:

Huwag Biruin ang Pagsamba- Kindly Bless Us Forevermore
Ipinapakiusap- More Than Ever, Lord, I Need You
Huwag Akong Itatakwil- The Meditation of My Heart
Sa Dakila Mong Pag-Ibig- Your Love For Me

Some congregations here still have Tagalog worship services. In Hawaii, I've heard that they even have Ilocano services. In the Southern California area, they have Spanish services. In Central America, at least in Honduras, I was told that they also have Tagalog services in addition to Spanish services. I sent an email to the addresses in the PASUGO before when I was thinking of going to Honduras for a spring break trip. There's one minister who goes to El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras. The minister in Mexico City goes to Nicaragua. This reminds me to email them again. So how did it happen that we have group worship services in Central America? We even have 3 in Nicaragua. Apparently there are no Filipinos there. I suppose the ministers just went there and started preaching. There must be some Filipinos in Honduras since there is a Tagalog service. I wonder what they do there. Ok, I will email Bro. Juan who is mainly based in El Salvador to also find out the scoop in Guatemala and I'll get back to you. It's really exciting to be a potential part of the growth of the Church there.

sorry..

This is the email I just opened for missing a "required" financial aid meeting:

"Although I understand your need for spiritual connection, I doubt seriously that you had to miss our meeting for church beginning at 5:00 p.m. I am disappointed. In any case, I will send the materials we passed out in the meeting."

I wanted to be mad. But I don't think I have the capacity to be mad. Offended, maybe. I get disappointed sometimes but really, never mad. How can he just assume that I am just blowing off the meeting? Maybe I should have sent him a longer email to explain my situation better before today's meeting. So I said sorry for that, for not informing him sooner. I sent a neutral reply that yes, I sing in the choir and that I need to be at church by 6:00 p.m. I'm not even on campus for my rotation. I even mentioned that on days that I have been on-call on a Thursday or Sunday which happened to me while I was on my Medicine rotation, I drove two hours to attend the Wednesday service in Dayton or the Saturday service in Louisville. This is how much it is important to me.

moshe moshe

we had a japanese patient today. i tried to remember my high school japanese but i blanked out. i did remember daddy saying 'moshe moshe' on the phone. so i asked how do i say hello in japanese.

is it moshe moshe?

it's konichiwa!

oh yeah, how can i forget? moshe moshe is just a phone greeting.

i think daddy and i share the fascination for languages/dialects. i remember that we even used to have the kapampangan bible "ing biblia". :) i've studied bits of japanese, german, norwegian and spanish.

pb had also noticed that daddy and i both like talking to people. we ask them where they are from. we try to link them to people we know. i met a deacon in redwood city who is from san miguel which is apparently right next to san ildefonso. his family's last name is pablo and he mentioned two other last names that start with a b and c. daddy must know some of his relatives.

mental hospital

jingle and i liked to go biking around town. we were both in 5th grade then. i was 10, she was 11. we only had one bike. we just alternated between pedaling and being the passenger. one day we decided to bike through the mental hospital. we've seen the "mental" patients wandering about town. there were always "alerts" when one of them escapes. we were curious to see what's inside the hospital compound. we've heard that at least one movie was filmed inside there, showcasing some historic ruins.

i don't remember being stopped by the guards. i guess everyone is free to visit as they please. the grounds were well-maintained. there were lots of trees and flowers. the rooms that we saw looked like jail cells. there were naked patients holding on to the bars. some of the female patients even got pregnant while there. we were horrified. we got out of there as soon as we can.

the psychiatric hospitals here are way different. for the most part, the patients are treated very well. the staff act more like parents. i'm still trying to figure out my style. i don't want to come across as a parental figure. clearly, i can't be the baby, either. i try to be a friend but that's hard sometimes especially if they act up. so, i try to be the detached caring professional. i try to make sure that all their medical needs are met. i try to make sure that i know their individual story. everyday, i try to be a little less afraid. most of them will not be "healed". but just to be a part of the process that helps them to be a little more functional is enough for me to be excited to come back each day.

zsa zsa zsu

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -Carrie

december must be a time for romance. two of my classmates just told me today that they got engaged to their respective significant others over december break!

Today's verses

After a vacation, it's always sweet to return to my Sunday school teaching duties. It reaffirms my purpose of being here. It's such a great privilege to be able to teach these young children. I moved to Indianapolis on November 3, 2002 for the specific purpose of being a teacher. We had the first Children's Worship Service that night.

After the worship service in Dayton that morning, I packed all my belongings into my tiny Ford Focus and drove on. I moved to Dayton from Baltimore three months earlier with the intent of staying there and applying to medical schools but God had other plans for me. They only had 6 kids in Dayton when I arrived. The brethren there were just not "productive" :).

That September, one of my high school classmates happened to visit her brother in Indianapolis. We decided to meet up and of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to attend the worship service in Indy. It turned out that one boy just turned 4 that week. They were waiting to reach a total of 10 unbaptized kids over 4 before they could request to have a CWS. They said that I was just in time. I immediately said yes to the prospect of moving! I had pending applications to medical schools then and I was establishing Ohio residency. It didn't matter, I figured I'll just move to Indiana and establish residency there. My green card application was still pending anyway. So that's the story on how I ended up in Indianapolis more than 5 years ago. The kids have grown so much since then!

You might think that I move haphazardly about the country :). But really, it's a simple formula. I move whenever I feel I would be more useful in the next place in terms of my Church duties. Heartaches also propel me to the next place. And now that PB is here, the other reason to move is to be closer to family. I'll try to make my way to California. But I wouldn't mind getting detoured. I find that detours make this life very interesting! :)

Hebrews 10:5

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

John 8:47

"He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

James 1:25

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Psalms 119:143

Trouble and distress have come upon me,
but your commands are my delight.

New Year's Eve pics

Junjun just emailed me some pics..

California weather

My friend just called me to say that a storm moved into the area last night. They had such great weather just a few days ago. It's been raining heavily and the winds are strong. Her power just went out about an hour ago. I just called PB and he said his area is not affected by the power outage.

Here in Indy, after a couple of days of waking up to 4-degree weather, we're on our way to more warmth! We should be in the high 50s by Monday.

New Job

New year, new job! I just picked up a new job today. I know, I know, where will I find the time? :)

So I am trying to remember all the paying jobs I've held so far:

Library Assistant (First job at 15, Philippine Science)
Food Service Worker (Work/Study Mount Holyoke)
Computer Lab Assistant (Mount Holyoke)
Chemistry Grader (MHC)
Genetics Teaching Assistant(MHC)
Research Associate II (Temple Univ)
Laboratory Assistant (Univ of Pennsylvania)
Tagalog Instructor (Univ of Pennsylvania)
Administrative Assistant, Coupon-Passer, etc. (Today's Temporary temp agency)
Graduate Teaching Assistant (Temple Biology)
Dental School File Clerk (Temple)
Editor/Analyst (BIOSIS, Philadelphia)
Service Coordinator (Indiana First Steps)
Medical Informatics Intern (Methodist)
St. Francis Emergency Extern (Indianapolis)

and now...

Radiology Assistant (Methodist Radiology)

a beautiful mind

i saw this movie with sis. gerlyn when i was in baltimore in 2001. russell crowe is probably my favorite actor. he has some temper issues so i'm definitely not head over heels ;). sis. gerlyn now lives in south africa but soon she and her family will be heading to hamburg, germany. so after graduation, i'm thinking i will visit ate bebe and daisy in london and oxford for a week. then i will head to germany and stay for a week. i also have a college friend who now lives in munich. it will give me a chance to remember some german. hopefully, i will get to see at least 5 chapels on that one trip. wanderlust!

"You can tell people things with just your thoughts, right?" I paused for a second. Certainly, there were times when I felt I was communicating with just a look. Sometimes, I think people are saying something with their eyes. I said, "No.. but wouldn't that be nice?". "You know, you can switch with people, too," the patient added.

"Nah.. why would I want to do that?" Now, who do you think has a narcissistic personality? ;)

Politics

Today was my first day at one of the state's psychiatric hospitals. We got a manual that states things like "use a therapeutic voice". "Do not talk about politics, religion or sex". My thoughts on these subjects are fairly simple, actually. Far from provocative, I would say. When it comes to politics, I really admire good governance. I am keenly aware that politics and the economy are intimately entwined. Without good leaders with integrity, it's difficult for a community to flourish.

Our school has a partnership with a Kenyan medical school. Some of my friends are scheduled to go there this year. So I have been following the news regarding the situation there. Some of the violence has erupted exactly in the town where the medical school is. I just saw in the news that our school has decided to temporarily suspend the program due to the political unrest. It's unfortunate how political instability is deterring the good work that is being done over there.