March pictures

the view from my bedroom



one snowy morning


piqua, oh GWS: first Holy Supper


birthday pictures




celebrating match day with my roommate at the jazz kitchen





this afternoon with pabu

the list

so i started carrying my list of procedures i still need to do. today i wanted to get signed off on starting an IV. but my patient was post-chemo so my resident spared him the torture of me trying to stick him. but i did get signed off on a rectal exam. the attending was no less than my favorite GI doc :).

Pogi points

Ate Bebe called me today. She was wanting to confirm my London itinerary. She also happily shared that she is getting married soon! She just started dating the guy in December but they are really wanting to be married as soon as possible. Granted that she has known the guy since way back her college years, I still asked her if she's sure. She said that once you know, you just know. Isn't that terribly romantic? :) I told her that maybe she should schedule the wedding in December since PB and I will also be in the Philippines then. But no can do. They want to get married pronto! The best part is that he's also Iglesia. He automatically gets extra "pogi points" for that ;).

match day

i know that daddy is tired of the "free food" post so i'm writing again for him :).
but before i leave the subject of food, let me talk about my food cravings. last night, i craved for tira misu cheesecake so i bought a whole cake! i'm still working on it, i have only eaten about 3/4 of the cake. earlier today, i had a craving for lechon kawali so i drove to the filipino carinderia and got myself a pound. since i was already there, i also got an order of caldereta. yum!

thursday was match day for my roommate. match day is the day when the seniors find out where they will be doing their residency. she will be going to memphis. it was a bit of surprise for her but she's happy nonetheless.

last night, i tried to play matchmaker. i have a couple of single friends who i thought might be a good fit for each other. so we went to see the colin farrell movie, in bruges. it's hard to tell if it was indeed a match. but at the very least, both of them have gained a friend. i'm planning a bowling outing for them. i guess some matches simmer for a time. others are more you're-perfect-for-me,-i-can't-wait-to-marry-you kind even only after a few months. i think though that both are equally romantic :).

free food

i love free food. our head deacon celebrated his birthday today at a buffet restaurant called "the journey". (it's interesting that in our culture the birthday celebrant pays for the bill. for non-filipinos here, the birthday celebrant usually gets the free meal). i've heard so much about their food but when i finally ate there, i wasn't all that impressed. that's the second time this week that i have not been impressed by restaurant food. last friday, i went to a spanish restaurant and tried dishes that have filipino counterparts: paella and embutido. i like our version better. i miss the days when i was just living on a $1.06/day for food. everything was just so tasty :). what did i get for $1.06? 2 apple pies!

for dinner, karla invited me over at her place just across the street from my apartment. (i will actually be subletting her place next). her mom visited and brought filipino food. we had pancit, longanisa and kalabasa! i also raided her bookshelf. i got a couple of surgery books, a book about the history of france and a book about a brahmin's son and his search for happiness and meaning of life.

her sister is also here for spring break. she relayed the news that johnny depp is shooting a movie here in indiana. i thought he was so cute in chocolat. of course, i had to google what kind of role he might be playing. it looks like he is playing a bank robber in the '30s, john dillinger who was actually born in indianapolis. i believe the man is buried in the cemetery not too far from my house. i haven't had a chance to visit the cemetery but they have tours to highlight famous people buried there. but anyways, i'm skipping school this friday to go to chicago to get my visa for france so i might try to stop by where johnny depp was seen. i didn't think he was cute before. it's funny how your definition of "cute" changes over time ;).

death

o Father, may You love me,
and count me reconciled,
forever thinking of me
as your devoted child.
and death is but a slumber,
sweet rest when all is done
awakened by the wonder
of Your returning Son...

i am always moved when we sing this hymn. we admit our frailties. we beg that our repentant prayers be heard as we lay bare our hearts. despite our unworthiness, we have the sure faith that God will always wait for us to draw near to Him.

i found out from pb that one of the ministers i know just passed away yesterday. he was battling cancer. while i was visiting the redwood city congregation last december, the brethren were amazed that he had enough strength to go up the tribuna during the worship service and lead a prayer. he used to be our district minister when i was in philadelphia. a decade ago, he was a youthful, charismatic minister. the person i saw last december was just a shadow of him. but for us, death is just a slumber..

my day

the alarm clock rang at 3:45 AM. i stayed in bed until 4 AM. i took a shower, ran to the hospital, and got there by 4:45 AM. as the lowly med students on our team, our main job is to start a note and record the vital signs for the patients in our service. by 6:00 AM, we start rounding with our residents and fellow. by 7:30 AM, we are in the operating room. this morning, i got to see ureter/kidney stones removed and kidney stents placed. we also have this robot that helps with the removal of the prostate and other minimally invasive surgery. i got to maneuver the robot today. i thought that was super-cool!

then off to lunch. i usually have lunch in the cafeteria and i often bump into classmates who are in other rotations. we chat about the specialties we are considering and our schedules for our 4th year. in the afternoon, i got to participate in removing part of a kidney. the patient has kidney cancer so we took out the affected part. my job was mostly to retract tissue and cut sutures (and also pretend that i know my anatomy ;)). on other days, i also suction, zap tissue, and close the skin either by suturing or placing staples. i can't say that i love the OR but it has definitely grown on me.

we got done with the last surgery by 5:00 p.m. i had dinner plans at 6:00 PM so i ran home, while calling friends to confirm that we are still pushing through. i took a shower and waited for a friend to pick me up. we also picked up a friend and met another at the restaurant. we had dinner and talked about interesting stories from our rotations. again we talked about specialty choices and our schedules for the 4th year. we try to keep up with our ritual of regular get-togethers. it gets harder as we get busier doing different things. but it always feels great to catch up and stay connected.

i'm home now, getting ready for bed and will be sleeping soon.
i have to be at the hospital by 4:45 again tomorrow. so that's a glimpse of my day. good night!

accidental invite

as i was rushing to go to church this evening. i suddenly blurted out to my roommate, "hey, wanna come to my church sometime." i don't know what made it easier. maybe because, i already told her for sure that i'm moving to the next place when my month is up. i pretty much come in with a mindset that i am only staying for a month. it's still sad halfway through the month when i realize that just when i am starting to connect with the roommate, it's about the time to move again. this time i will soon be leaving not only a roommate but also a pet. it's always nice to come home with pabu waiting by the door. i never thought i would like a dog licking my face :).

but anyways, my roommate said that she will come to church with me! yay for me having the courage to invite.

may movies

i got to thinking about movies. here's a couple of my must-see movies this may:
indiana jones and sex and the city.

somebody was telling us the other day that he used to coach kid's baseball. on his team was the son of mr. and mrs. green. they named their son, forrest. he felt bad shouting during the game, "run forrest, run!". :) i wonder if he has a brother named hunter...

does anyone have strong objections if i named my son - indiana cruz (something-something, insert father's name here)? and no, i will not have a daughter named carrie. carrie cruz something-something sounds too much like a coin flip :).

dirty dancing

patrick swayze has cancer :(.
II-dahlia ('89-'90)performed a dance at the front lobby based on the movie. i remember wearing a pink balloon skirt. i can't remember who my partner was.
i didn't see the movie until much later. baby, the female lead was planning on going to mount holyoke and joining the peace corps. her real name in the movie is frances. she was named after frances perkins who attended mount holyoke and who was the first woman to hold a cabinet position. incidentally, the current secretary of labor, elaine chao, is also a mount holyoke alum. i just thought i'd share some college trivia :).

elusive faces

there are some faces that i find hard to remember. i worked with a couple of residents today in the OR. i knew i was going to forget their faces. i tried my best to "memorize" their faces. since they were wearing masks for the most part, i even tried to focus on their hair, their built and even their bellies. it was useless.

later in the day, i saw a friend who just finished the same rotation. as he was explaining stuff to me, he noticed a resident who just sat next to us. he told him that he was giving me some tips. after my friend left, i then asked the resident if he's on the service i'm on. he said, yes. i then asked him, what his name is. and of course, he was the resident i worked with earlier in the day. i was so embarrassed.

so now i'm looking intently at their department photo. i probably still won't recognize my residents tomorrow. but at least, i'm trying :).

surgery theme song

one of our residents heard this song one day on her way in. we've been singing part of this song every surgery since then (to ward off too much bleeding, of course :)).

it goes:

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

---
btw, my favorite patient is doing just fine. we transferred her from the icu to the regular unit today.


play keep bleeding ringtone here

our class

i was googling a classmate's name and it brought me to these comments by one of our deans just before we began medical school. i just want to post it here so that i'll always remember. iusm will always have a special place in my heart.


WHITE COAT CEREMONY - AUGUST 'O5
Dr. Stephen Leapman's Closing Comments

Ladies and Gentlemen, you may have noted the music that accompanied our entrance into this beautiful auditorium. What you probably don't know is that the composer of this piece is sitting in the audience. He is Benjamin Lippincott and is one of very talented matriculants in the Class of 2009. Thank you Benjamin.

One of greatest joys and privileges I have as chair of the admissions committee is access to the stories that our students tell us regarding their reasons for choosing medicine and sharing their plans for the future. All medical school applicants are required to write personal statements and comments that will convince us why we should admit them to medical school. This past year there were 2,760 such stories shared with us, an increase of 25% over last year. Medical school applications are certainly on the rise.

The stories of the 280 students we matriculated are poignant, contemporary, and in many instances bring tears to my eyes. I see in them, the generous hearts and souls of the physicians of tomorrow, I see bright scientists and humanitarians, inspired by the past but armed with the technology of the future. I see a new physician emerging, one that will be a master over an ever expanding knowledge base but satisfied only if the humanistic approach to medicine is part and parcel of his or her practice.

With your permission I would like to share a few of these stories largely because I think they are representative of this Class of 2009. You have some remarkable people in your class, not just because of their scholastic aptitude but because they are just nice men and woman. Take Elizabeth Hay, a recent graduate from Northwestern University who is an ethicist, a physicist (and guys she understands auto mechanics better than most of us), and was a varsity member of the NW crew team, practicing on the Chicago river or in the basement of some dark forgotten gym before 5:30 every morning for 4 years. She relates the following story about the human touch of medicine:

The summer before my senior year of high school, my step father was diagnosed with a lung cancer. He had less than a year to live, even with the most aggressive treatments. My mother became his primary caregiver, and I gave what support I could. Mostly I just listened. She would often talk about how his doctors actually treated them like human beings with brains, or how some doctors just wanted to hustle them around like children while never explaining what was happening. I listened and I learned something quite unexpected. Above any other consideration that my parents held was that the doctors who gave them straight answers and compassion were the ones they most admired. It was more than ability; it was the ability to take the time and give my stepfather some control over his life and death. I came to understand that doctors are meant to do more than repair broken bodies, they are meant to comfort. My stepfather's death didn't cause me to make some grandiose plans about finding a cure for cancer. I'm not that naïve. What I took away from that hellish year was quieter and more personal. I took away a new resolve that I would be more than a good, competent doctor. I would be a doctor who listened and trusted with mutual respect. Elizabeth Hay will be at our Muncie campus.

Now let me tell you about Daniel Greene. Daniel is a non-traditional student; he's a graduate of Notre Dame University who served with our armed forces in Kuwait during the First Gulf war and later in Bosnia (and we thank you for your unselfish service to this country). He is a licensed EMT and found his way to medicine through the following poignant story. He writes:

I visited a mass grave near Srebrenica, Bosnia. The site was being excavated by the UN and guarded by US forces. The UN archeologist was an Australian professor, who warned us that what we were about to see was not for the faint of heart. Sgt. Alten, our driver, decided to wait in the Hummer. The forest gave way to a large clearing sectioned off with a white tape to make a grid over a large gray hole in the ground. The stench was horrible and stayed with me for weeks. The hole was filled with skeletons of women and children. They had been part of a mass execution during the conflict between the Muslims and the Serbs. In the days following that experience I realized I wanted to devote my life to healing, not destroying; not to tearing apart, but to making whole. Daniel will be at our Indianapolis Campus.

There are other stories that moved me and inspired me; like all the students who are trilingual or bilingual. We have students that are fluent in over 25 languages including Spanish and French, Korean, Ertu, Chinese, Swahili, Hebrew, Russian, Farsi, and one student, Jamin Yoder, who speaks fluent Pennsylvania Dutch. And we have Vera Vavinskiy, who came to the United States only three years ago from Belarus, speaking fluent Russian but no English. In three years she learned English, majored in Computer Science with an almost perfect GPA from IUPUI, applied to and was accepted into the Indiana University School of Medicine. Who says this isn't the land of opportunity and we don't have incredible students.

Take Allison Mayer, perfect GPA from Purdue, a Howard Hughes Scholar who has been pursuing her interests in molecular biology while exploring the effects of different cytokines on the level of BATH, an AP-1 transcription factor in t-lymphocytes. Allison, what does all that mean??

And not every one of you always knew they wanted to be physician. Some of you found this calling but only after looking at many other professions and jobs. Take Samuel Oyer, a very bright young man who started his college career at Washington University in St. Louis but wasn't sure which direction he wanted to head. He took some time off after his freshman year, worked in a cabinet factory learning to relate to people that were not the same as he; then he switched jobs to become an assistant for some moguls in an investment banking and advising firm, people who were really different than he. Realizing he wanted a career requiring plenty of thought and problem solving, but one that resulted in benefit to others, he chose medicine. He speaks fluent computerize.

Our students are incredibly talented, like John Krol, a music major who felt his original calling was to be an operatic singer but soon learned he had different talents as a nursing assistant and chose a path that led him to medicine. We have ball room dancers, flute, trumpet, violin, organ and piano players. This is a widely diverse class; there are African American, Hispanics, Asian, Native Americans, and Caucasians. We have small people and tall people, even a former IU basketball star in the class. Our age range goes from 17 to 44 (in fact, we have 3 matriculants over 40 in the Class of 2009 and an additional 10 who are over 30 something). 56% of you are men and 44% are women. Of the 92 counties in Indiana, 53 are represented in the Class of 2009. Fifteen percent of the Class comes from 18 states across this great nation of ours.

You are incredibly bright with overall GPA's of 3.68 and an average cumulative MCAT of over 29. More importantly, you are all nice, caring, warm people. Stay that way. Medicine needs you.

Ladies and Gentlemen, if medicine is the profession of the heart and the soul of providing service, then this Class rightfully belongs in our profession.

Students: Please rise and face your relatives and friends.

Ladies and Gentlemen: I present to you the Indiana University School of Medicine Class of 2009.

Thank you for joining us today. Please remain seated while the class recesses and then join us for refreshments in the lobby.

8th birthday

maligayang kaarawan, dearest mel..
how does it feel to be 8 years old? ;)

gynormous

we were able to take out the most gynormous pair of ovaries that you can imagine. we also collected 20 liters of fluid from her belly. the badness was just everywhere. we also found possible colon cancer. the general surgeons had to be called in to resect that part. i had to leave for church so i don't know how the additional surgery went. but i hope that she is doing well. i'll be seeing her first thing in the morning. a month ago she was just blissfully going through life when she noticed her leg swelling up. she also complained of tightness in her abdomen. two weeks ago, she got a CT scan and bilateral ovarian masses were seen. she was referred to the clinic and i took her history just last monday. we ordered some labs and her surgery was scheduled soon after we received the results. ovarian cancer typically just sneaks up on you. her long journey of surviving the badness is just beginning.

love handles

i was studying with a friend and she suddenly commented that i have no "love handles". by genetic luck, most of us filipinas have petite frames prior to bearing a child. americans come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. tomorrow, we are operating on a 300 lb patient. i had an "ally mcbeal moment" looking at her belly when i saw her in clinic the other day :). i thought that i can probably fit in her belly if i assume the fetal position. no, i'm not making fun of her, of course. it's quite sad actually, we're highly suspicious that she has ovarian cancer.

our dining tables at mount holyoke had these tentcards with various facts and figures raising awareness about eating disorders and the ridiculousness of the media's portrayal of a woman's body. naomi wolf's book, the beauty myth, concerning the negative effects of these unrealistic images of beauty on women, just came out the year prior.

i wonder if men care about other men's love handles. i guess i do notice other women's figures sometimes. i wonder how much a woman's self-esteem is related to her weight. for some, it seems that the past history of being overweight still affects their confidence even after they have lost the weight. i try to be vigilant with my girls in sunday school. i want them to love their bodies. one day, one of them was crying because someone called her fat. i had a long talk with her to reassure her that she is beautiful the way she is. i felt obliged though to tell her that pb has a big crush on her. that was probably a mistake on my part. we shouldn't really be defined by how a man sees us but rather how we see ourselves.

11 Planets!

What happened to the good old days of 9 planets? And I thought Pluto is no longer considered a planet? A friend was worried that the assignment of astrological "ruling planets" will be messed up if Pluto is no longer there :). And now there are 11 of them! Well, at least we still retain the moniker of being the "third rock".

kumusta ka na?

that tender attachment,
the fondness,
without the expectation of anything
but heartwarming, nonetheless.
the affection freely given with no thoughts of possessing,
but just the gratitude of knowing a beautiful person
knowing you my friends, makes me feel beautiful.

wrong door

coming home after my dentist appointment tonight, i was surprised that my previous parking spot was still empty. hmmm, what are the chances? my new dentist told me that i have an abscess on one of my molars :(. the same one that i just had a crown put on last year. he referred me to an endodontist. so i was thinking maybe i can request a half-day off sometime this week to get my tooth taken care of. so in my usual la-la-la mode, i went up the stairs. my key could not open our door. i tried and tried again. well, the door said "I", but the door seemed bare. i thought we had a ribbon on our door. then, i realized that i must have been in the wrong building! so i got out of there as fast as i could :).

senior photo

we received proofs of our senior photo today. i'll make sure that all of you, my fans, will receive an autographed copy ;). just make sure i have your current mailing addresses.

london bridge is falling down..

falling down, falling down
london bridge is falling down,
my fair lady.

we got our tickets to london! we decided that we'll skip germany this time and just focus on england and france. i started watching movies set in france. i just saw paris, je t'aime, next are chocolat and before sunset.

now back to my paper on the ethics of artificial insemination for lesbians and the physician's right to conscientious refusal.. and for the record, i sincerely don't have a problem with my lesbian friends availing of artificial insemination. for a long time, i even thought that i, as a single woman would consider it. but i do realize that fathers are essential to daughters. so, i think i will get pregnant, the old-fashioned way ;).

speed traps

it was soooo ironic.. there i was, in front of the entrance to the indianapolis motor speedway, flashing lights behind me, an officer getting ready to write me a ticket.

i was actually early for church this morning. my car was second to arrive. but soon after, i realized that i had left my choir robe. so after the choir practice, i had to go back to my apartment to get it. on the way back to church, i was clocked going 60 on a 35 mph zone.

that's one thing about moving to a new place. your driving routine gets altered and you have no clue where the cops like to hang out. now, i know :). oh well, as we always say in our family, "charge to experience..". ;)

feels like college

a couple of advantages of living across campus: 1) freezing rain, sleet.. no worries about driving. 2) i can come home in the middle of the day, take a 3-hour nap, be back fresh for my overnight call tonight.

so, what's the price of convenience? ummm, just hundreds of dollars that i have not earned ;).

total eclipse of the moon

primetime view from my window as it unfolds! my fave celestial event though seen from my window was the 2001 Leonid meteor shower. i wanted to make a wish for each shooting star but i was so mesmerized that i forgot :).

a room with a view

one goodbye hug for the road and i was off..

i got here to my new place about an hour ago. i wish i can share with you my bedroom view of the indianapolis skyline at night. it is simply gorgeous! my camera doesn't capture night images very well. but i'll point you to this link so you have some idea. yes, indiana have some tall buildings. we're just not about cornfields, you know :).

so, tomorrow i won't have to drive to school. i'll just cross a street and i'm there. i really like these moving experiences. i get to live in different places. i get to know different people. and this time, my roommate has a tibetan dog named pabu. so i'll even have a pet for a month. i already told her that i'll be interested in walking pabu. quite the bonus, huh? :)

messing with me

i'm sitting here in the library seriously listening to our required modules as i google away. i've been kinda thinking of what i'll be doing for dinner tonight. i have some leftover food from a dinner hosted by one of my classmates the other night. i thought i should be ok just heating that up later. then there's this guy who i have met briefly before who stops by and tells me that someone wanted me to have the food that he is carrying. huh? i tried to look where he was pointing. then he tells me that he's just messing with me. now, i'm hungry :).

inside of you

peering inside the human body is both a revelatory and mystifying experience. you marvel as you look at the symphony of the various parts that composes all of us. the actual surgery though is not a spiritual experience for me. it seems that in a period of time, you may forget the sum of all the parts. you focus on the incision, the stitch, the sterile environment. no part of the body becomes sacred anymore. we prod, we poke, we sponge, we cauterize, with the hopes that when we sew the patient up, all may be well.

favorite smells

the smell of affection that lingers,
the smell of breakfast cooking,
raspberry-scented soaps,
th scent of sampaguita, and lavender, too!

the smell of the earth after a rainstorm,
the clean smell after a shower,
freshly cut grass,
clothes just out of the dryer..

scented candles,
new books,
my grapefruit, jasmine and mango body spray
smell of the ocean,
apples and freshly-baked goodies,
baby's skin..

just some of my favorite smells..

heartbeat

for the last three thursday afternoons, i've been working with dr. m. in her women prisoner's clinic. dr. m. is one of my favorite ob/gyns. she's a mother of 4, happily married to another ob/gyn doc. she's very kind and warm-hearted. she is a popular invited speaker on campus. she's always energetic and gives excellent talks on balancing career and family and women's health in general.

so i went and saw our last patient for the day. she's due in the next couple of weeks. today was the third time i was seeing her. i asked the normal stuff we ask, any vaginal bleeding, contractions, leakage of fluid, baby moving ok, etc. then i tried to listen to the baby's heartbeat. i could not hear it. i assured the mom that i'm still learning so it's taking me awhile. dr. m finally walked into the room. she gives it a try and could not find it either. she asked me to get the portable ultrasound. i started to worry a little. but finally, she heard the baby's heartbeat. the baby just had an unusual lie or position.

the prisoner liaison asked me if i am going into OB/Gyn. my honest response was that i do believe that i will eventually get there. i just don't know when exactly :) while walking in between the clinic and the library, i tried to picture myself as an OB/Gyn doc. surprisingly, i do like that picture of me.

for its own sake

truth...moral...goodness...happiness...health...beauty.

my preceptor had an exhibition of his art pieces the other day. he took up glass-blowing upon his wife's encouragement. in one difficult week at work almost a decade ago, he lost three babies. he needed cheering up.

here's a press picture of a couple of his beautiful creations:

where i live

this is the first of what i presume to be of many places i would live in this year. it's nice to come home to a warm and cozy house. i don't have to wonder whether i can take a hot shower in the morning :). You probably can't read the magnet in the refrigerator. "Kiss the cook.. he's Norwegian!" I thought that was funny since I actually studied Norwegian in college.

switching

i requested to have our teacher class be this saturday instead of tonight. we are having a bible study anyway at one of the brethren's house then. i'm glad i went home sooner rather than later. i got an email from our ob/gyn intern that we are to prepare a little presentation for our rounds tomorrow morning. (by the way, i just learned today that she switched from family medicine into ob/gyn.) our topic du jour is abnormal uterine bleeding. i'm just glad that i have no problems whatsoever with the monthly flow, otherwise that would be bloody awful :).

the european trip this may is slowly getting planned. i will be spending a few days in london/oxford, a few days in paris and a few days in hamburg. i'm excited to catch up with a couple of cousins, an ex-roommate and church friends.

auf wiedersehen for now!

indecision

i don't like being indecisive. there was a time that my most disliked phrase was "i don't know". how could you not know? but maybe sometimes we just really don't know.

maritess e-mailed me today. she ended up going into geriatrics. she is now practicing in amarillo, tx. she is strongly discouraging me from going into ob/gyn. she had co-residents in new york who switched from ob/gyn to internal medicine after being sued during their intern year.

on the way home, i picked up some books from a friend who is going into ob/gyn. she seems really passionate about it. that's my only reservation about radiology. i can't really say that i am passionate about it. i guess, i'll just apply. for all i know, i may not even match to a radiology program.

Fat Tuesday

In honor of Fat Tuesday, I have cancelled my gym membership. It only took me 2 years to admit that I'm not just the type who works out ;).

home early

what was an expected 29-hour work day turned to just a 23-hour day. the hours went by pretty quickly with me participating in 3 exhilarating deliveries and performing countless pelvic exams. i was then supposed to be in the OR this morning. but we don't have a surgical gyn case till 10:30 a.m. so my attending just let me go home. sweet! i have gained 6 hours of my life! :)

a bit of news about my housing situation. i have decided not to go back to my house just quite yet. i did find a new roommate. as much as it is absolutely tempting to stay in my current place, i think it would be best if i move on when my month is up. my new roommate who i also found on craigslist is a 4th year medical student. she lives just right across our campus so i can just walk over to the hospitals. she's actually going into OB/Gyn; i am hoping that she can sway me into the field :). the other day, i was talking to my current roommate who is an Internal Medicine intern about career choices. he said that he almost went into OB/Gyn. i told him that I think i'm passionate about women's healthcare. he did make a point that passions can fade. and when the passion is not there anymore, would I really want to be stuck with the long hours?

laborettes and the lone ranger

at ob/gyn orientation we were told that we should introduce ourselves to the "laborettes" (women in labor) as early as we can. we wouldn't want to be "the lone ranger" (anonymous masked person) appearing unannounced at the delivery party. that was pretty funny to me at 7 in the morning :). Hi-yo silver, away!

tornado warning

a tornado is supposed to be heading our way as i write this. tornado in january! our lights are flickering.

the burglars strike back

i guess since my neighbors know that i am not at home, they have decided to come finish the house off. the broken computer is gone. my printer is gone. my 5-in-one printer/fax/copier/scanner/phone is gone. my modem and wireless router are gone. they even took my diagnostic set! and daddy, remember that sack suitcase we got for my trip over here? they took that, too. well, looking at the bright side, i now have less excess baggage :). this must be the year of traveling through life very lightly.

fortune cookie

"You will be spending time outdoors, in the mountains, near water."

Earlier today, between the mall food court and the theater playing 'Juno', I opened my fortune cookie. I asked out aloud where in Indiana can I find mountains. My friend reminded me that I am going to Guatemala. Oh yeah, how can I forget?

I also got to see my classmates at the annual talent show at school today. (By the way, Mr. OC, one of them was the third-year on your team in Wishard last June :). She gave birth in September.) It is always nice to catch up with good friends.

double standard

i love it that my mom and i can talk about anything under the sun. i don't know if it's our own way of compensating for not seeing each other more often. question du jour: is it ok if the guy already has "experience"? a part of me wanted to hear a resounding no but she doesn't think it's a big issue. i've heard from others that it's actually "better" if the guy has experience. yes, i've been called a prude. i presumed that it was meant to be an insult but i don't remember feeling offended.

brokeback guy

what a way to leave this world.. so sad. maybe high-profile cases such as this make us more attentive to friends and family who might be spiraling down. let's all hug a friend!

unexpected move

i'm here at a sandwich and soup place close to my school. they have free wi-fi here. i have a test this friday so i'm trying to get some studying done. i got a little sidetracked by the other course requirements i needed to finish up. i just finished all of them so i'll attempt some studying now.

so in about a couple of hours, i'll be moving to my new place. totally not what i expected when i woke up this morning. i went to the guy's house earlier today and handed him my check. he seems nice. as it turned out, he has apparently seen me around the hospital. his place is immaculate. he told me to be careful about his expensive pots and pans. i said, "no worries, i don't cook!". ;)

these old pipes

my pipes burst! so i looked into craigslist for temporary housing. i didn't want to fix the pipes since i don't have heat anyway. so i thought i should go live somewhere else until it gets warmer. i found this guy looking for a 2nd roommate charging $450 and it includes everything. it would be an interesting month.

no school today

i'm still up since tomorrow, i mean, today is a holiday. truth be told, for the longest time i didn't know that martin luther king is different from martin luther. sad but really true. we didn't have the internet way back when. now you can pretty much google anything. i really appreciate having information at my fingertips. i google random people, places, events, etc. a little travel update, i'm planning on going to england and germany in may so i'll be googling those places next. i may have found a good travel companion :). so if things work out i would not be traveling solo for a change. imagine that!

online dating

there seems to be something unromantic about it. imagine your grandchildren asking you how you met grandpa. ummm, online matching service :). i'd much rather say that i met him on the plane going somewhere exotic ;).

but by the numbers in the last few years:

1 cousin in England who met her husband online
2 high school classmates happily married to their online match(Phoenix and Australia)
1 high school classmate almost married to someone she met online (Philadelphia)
1 medical school classmate who met his wife online
1 medical school classmate who is engaged to someone he met online
1 medical assistant i worked with in one of the clinics who met her fiance online

pretty good odds, huh?

sorry mom, i still can't do it :).
it's quite tempting though whenever i get a notice that someone is interested. i get to see their profile and all but i would have to be a paying member before i can actually read their emails and be able to communicate with them. maybe they'll have a promo one day for the ladies that they don't have to pay. 1 month costs 34.99. i don't think so! actually even if it were free, that's ok. i'm just looking forward to the next plane ride ;).

is timing really everything?

episode 38.

carrie types on her laptop. i'm now typing on my laptop. life imitating art? ;)
some quotes from the show:

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Miranda: It's amazing. In a courtroom, reasonable doubt can get you off for murder. In an engagement, it makes you feel like a bad person.

Samantha: From my experience, honey, if he seems too good to be true—he probably is.

Charlotte (drunk): I'm nice. I'm pretty, and smart! I'm a catch!

Suicide

I am on my Psychiatry rotation so we always have to ask our patients if they have thoughts of harming themselves. One of my patients said yes today. A friend was just telling me that she was devastated when one of her co-fellows took his own life last year after getting kicked out of their program. She was asking herself whether she would have missed the signs if he was her own patient. It is easy to imagine that when we ourselves are just trying to survive the demands of our professional and personal life, it becomes very difficult to notice when someone is desperately in need of our help. Yesterday, the mother of a former medical student here spoke to us and shared the story of her son who committed suicide when he was a third-year. He was just like us in many ways. At the AA meeting that I attended last night, there was an announcement that one of their own took his life over the weekend. The sadness in the room was palpable. There were probably a number of them asking if they could have done something for him.

The beginning of Canto XIII of Dante's Inferno goes:

The leaves not green, earth-hued;
The boughs not smooth,
knotted and crooked-forked;
No fruit, but poisoned thorns.

On Being a "Girl"

At Mount Holyoke, we were quick to point out that Mount Holyoke is not a "girl's school" but a women's college. Just hearing the word girl made us cringe. When I turned 18 towards the end of my sophomore year, I proudly announced that I was no longer a girl but a woman. I remember this brother from Boston who I had a little crush on. He was 10 years my senior, very kind and handsome guy, just graduated then from Harvard Law School. He looked at me funny and asked with a smile, "What exactly do you mean?" I said, "I am an adult now!".

But somewhere along the way, some of my past posts are good evidence, I somehow reverted to calling myself a "girl". Hmmmm.. Is it a subconscious need for me to fit in amongst my medical school peers? I just got this group email from a friend that began as "hey girls!". I began my previous email to them with "hey ladies!" A "girl" just sound so young, dependent, naive and maybe even unsure of herself. A woman seems to sound more accomplished, more sure of herself and what she wants in life. "I am woman, hear me roar.."

-----

Apparently one of the presidential candidates said that wives should submit to their husbands. One of my classmates was irked that this particular verse was mentioned recently at her Church's service. She said that she couldn't believe that in these modern times this verse is still being read. I didn't say anything. I'm not one to pick and choose which parts of the Bible I would and would not accept. So I wholeheartedly agree that wives should submit to their husbands. Take that with a grain of salt from a single woman ;).

Translations

We got the Holy Supper line-up today. It is always interesting how the hymns get translated, more often than not they are not "literal" translations. Check out the translated titles:

Huwag Biruin ang Pagsamba- Kindly Bless Us Forevermore
Ipinapakiusap- More Than Ever, Lord, I Need You
Huwag Akong Itatakwil- The Meditation of My Heart
Sa Dakila Mong Pag-Ibig- Your Love For Me

Some congregations here still have Tagalog worship services. In Hawaii, I've heard that they even have Ilocano services. In the Southern California area, they have Spanish services. In Central America, at least in Honduras, I was told that they also have Tagalog services in addition to Spanish services. I sent an email to the addresses in the PASUGO before when I was thinking of going to Honduras for a spring break trip. There's one minister who goes to El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras. The minister in Mexico City goes to Nicaragua. This reminds me to email them again. So how did it happen that we have group worship services in Central America? We even have 3 in Nicaragua. Apparently there are no Filipinos there. I suppose the ministers just went there and started preaching. There must be some Filipinos in Honduras since there is a Tagalog service. I wonder what they do there. Ok, I will email Bro. Juan who is mainly based in El Salvador to also find out the scoop in Guatemala and I'll get back to you. It's really exciting to be a potential part of the growth of the Church there.

sorry..

This is the email I just opened for missing a "required" financial aid meeting:

"Although I understand your need for spiritual connection, I doubt seriously that you had to miss our meeting for church beginning at 5:00 p.m. I am disappointed. In any case, I will send the materials we passed out in the meeting."

I wanted to be mad. But I don't think I have the capacity to be mad. Offended, maybe. I get disappointed sometimes but really, never mad. How can he just assume that I am just blowing off the meeting? Maybe I should have sent him a longer email to explain my situation better before today's meeting. So I said sorry for that, for not informing him sooner. I sent a neutral reply that yes, I sing in the choir and that I need to be at church by 6:00 p.m. I'm not even on campus for my rotation. I even mentioned that on days that I have been on-call on a Thursday or Sunday which happened to me while I was on my Medicine rotation, I drove two hours to attend the Wednesday service in Dayton or the Saturday service in Louisville. This is how much it is important to me.

moshe moshe

we had a japanese patient today. i tried to remember my high school japanese but i blanked out. i did remember daddy saying 'moshe moshe' on the phone. so i asked how do i say hello in japanese.

is it moshe moshe?

it's konichiwa!

oh yeah, how can i forget? moshe moshe is just a phone greeting.

i think daddy and i share the fascination for languages/dialects. i remember that we even used to have the kapampangan bible "ing biblia". :) i've studied bits of japanese, german, norwegian and spanish.

pb had also noticed that daddy and i both like talking to people. we ask them where they are from. we try to link them to people we know. i met a deacon in redwood city who is from san miguel which is apparently right next to san ildefonso. his family's last name is pablo and he mentioned two other last names that start with a b and c. daddy must know some of his relatives.

mental hospital

jingle and i liked to go biking around town. we were both in 5th grade then. i was 10, she was 11. we only had one bike. we just alternated between pedaling and being the passenger. one day we decided to bike through the mental hospital. we've seen the "mental" patients wandering about town. there were always "alerts" when one of them escapes. we were curious to see what's inside the hospital compound. we've heard that at least one movie was filmed inside there, showcasing some historic ruins.

i don't remember being stopped by the guards. i guess everyone is free to visit as they please. the grounds were well-maintained. there were lots of trees and flowers. the rooms that we saw looked like jail cells. there were naked patients holding on to the bars. some of the female patients even got pregnant while there. we were horrified. we got out of there as soon as we can.

the psychiatric hospitals here are way different. for the most part, the patients are treated very well. the staff act more like parents. i'm still trying to figure out my style. i don't want to come across as a parental figure. clearly, i can't be the baby, either. i try to be a friend but that's hard sometimes especially if they act up. so, i try to be the detached caring professional. i try to make sure that all their medical needs are met. i try to make sure that i know their individual story. everyday, i try to be a little less afraid. most of them will not be "healed". but just to be a part of the process that helps them to be a little more functional is enough for me to be excited to come back each day.

zsa zsa zsu

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -Carrie

december must be a time for romance. two of my classmates just told me today that they got engaged to their respective significant others over december break!

Today's verses

After a vacation, it's always sweet to return to my Sunday school teaching duties. It reaffirms my purpose of being here. It's such a great privilege to be able to teach these young children. I moved to Indianapolis on November 3, 2002 for the specific purpose of being a teacher. We had the first Children's Worship Service that night.

After the worship service in Dayton that morning, I packed all my belongings into my tiny Ford Focus and drove on. I moved to Dayton from Baltimore three months earlier with the intent of staying there and applying to medical schools but God had other plans for me. They only had 6 kids in Dayton when I arrived. The brethren there were just not "productive" :).

That September, one of my high school classmates happened to visit her brother in Indianapolis. We decided to meet up and of course, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to attend the worship service in Indy. It turned out that one boy just turned 4 that week. They were waiting to reach a total of 10 unbaptized kids over 4 before they could request to have a CWS. They said that I was just in time. I immediately said yes to the prospect of moving! I had pending applications to medical schools then and I was establishing Ohio residency. It didn't matter, I figured I'll just move to Indiana and establish residency there. My green card application was still pending anyway. So that's the story on how I ended up in Indianapolis more than 5 years ago. The kids have grown so much since then!

You might think that I move haphazardly about the country :). But really, it's a simple formula. I move whenever I feel I would be more useful in the next place in terms of my Church duties. Heartaches also propel me to the next place. And now that PB is here, the other reason to move is to be closer to family. I'll try to make my way to California. But I wouldn't mind getting detoured. I find that detours make this life very interesting! :)

Hebrews 10:5

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

John 8:47

"He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

James 1:25

But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Psalms 119:143

Trouble and distress have come upon me,
but your commands are my delight.

New Year's Eve pics

Junjun just emailed me some pics..

California weather

My friend just called me to say that a storm moved into the area last night. They had such great weather just a few days ago. It's been raining heavily and the winds are strong. Her power just went out about an hour ago. I just called PB and he said his area is not affected by the power outage.

Here in Indy, after a couple of days of waking up to 4-degree weather, we're on our way to more warmth! We should be in the high 50s by Monday.

New Job

New year, new job! I just picked up a new job today. I know, I know, where will I find the time? :)

So I am trying to remember all the paying jobs I've held so far:

Library Assistant (First job at 15, Philippine Science)
Food Service Worker (Work/Study Mount Holyoke)
Computer Lab Assistant (Mount Holyoke)
Chemistry Grader (MHC)
Genetics Teaching Assistant(MHC)
Research Associate II (Temple Univ)
Laboratory Assistant (Univ of Pennsylvania)
Tagalog Instructor (Univ of Pennsylvania)
Administrative Assistant, Coupon-Passer, etc. (Today's Temporary temp agency)
Graduate Teaching Assistant (Temple Biology)
Dental School File Clerk (Temple)
Editor/Analyst (BIOSIS, Philadelphia)
Service Coordinator (Indiana First Steps)
Medical Informatics Intern (Methodist)
St. Francis Emergency Extern (Indianapolis)

and now...

Radiology Assistant (Methodist Radiology)

a beautiful mind

i saw this movie with sis. gerlyn when i was in baltimore in 2001. russell crowe is probably my favorite actor. he has some temper issues so i'm definitely not head over heels ;). sis. gerlyn now lives in south africa but soon she and her family will be heading to hamburg, germany. so after graduation, i'm thinking i will visit ate bebe and daisy in london and oxford for a week. then i will head to germany and stay for a week. i also have a college friend who now lives in munich. it will give me a chance to remember some german. hopefully, i will get to see at least 5 chapels on that one trip. wanderlust!

"You can tell people things with just your thoughts, right?" I paused for a second. Certainly, there were times when I felt I was communicating with just a look. Sometimes, I think people are saying something with their eyes. I said, "No.. but wouldn't that be nice?". "You know, you can switch with people, too," the patient added.

"Nah.. why would I want to do that?" Now, who do you think has a narcissistic personality? ;)

Politics

Today was my first day at one of the state's psychiatric hospitals. We got a manual that states things like "use a therapeutic voice". "Do not talk about politics, religion or sex". My thoughts on these subjects are fairly simple, actually. Far from provocative, I would say. When it comes to politics, I really admire good governance. I am keenly aware that politics and the economy are intimately entwined. Without good leaders with integrity, it's difficult for a community to flourish.

Our school has a partnership with a Kenyan medical school. Some of my friends are scheduled to go there this year. So I have been following the news regarding the situation there. Some of the violence has erupted exactly in the town where the medical school is. I just saw in the news that our school has decided to temporarily suspend the program due to the political unrest. It's unfortunate how political instability is deterring the good work that is being done over there.

home sweet home

i made it back! i haven't seen our airport so full of people waiting for their luggage. i didn't have to wait long for mine, though. i also easily found my car since i always park near shelter 10. the house is still here. no intruders ;). 10 degrees and falling!! what a cold welcome, isn't it? i was lamenting in cali that it is very cold and it snows in indy. but as i stepped out of the baggage claim area, i felt the city embracing me :). charming light snow was falling and blowing about. pretty powdery snow was on the ground. the stars are out. winter bliss! i did not leave my heart in san francisco, after all. i still heart indy :).

i need to catch some sleep now. my first day of psychiatry is tomorrow. fun times ahead! i'll post pictures later, ok? night, night..

Dear Wanderer

I just got an email from a friend with the above salutation. It's funny 'coz I just started reading The Alchemist. The story starts off with a shepherd boy who dreams of seeing the world. Sounds familiar? ;).

This vacation turned out to be my best vacation ever in so many levels. PB and Bro. Clint picked me up at the San Francisco airport. The next day we went snowboarding in Lake Tahoe. I've passed by the Lake Tahoe area before during my first cross-country trip. It's even more beautiful in the winter. The day after, I worshipped in Redwood City. It was great to see so many familiar faces. Then my friend, Botoul, picked me up from Bro. Clint's house and we headed to Fremont. I also worshipped in Fremont and was surprised to see our former minister in Philadelphia who I did not get along with. Rumor has it that Armando married his sister-in-law. I was pleasantly surprised that I did not have ill feelings for him and his wife. I sincerely hugged them both. I am really thankful that, if it weren't for them, probably, I would have not left Philadelphia. I am in a very happy place in my life right now, so it really all worked out. :) I didn't even care to ask about Armando. I'm sure now that he is not the kind of person I would have wanted to spend the rest of my life with anyway.

My mini-reunion with my college friends was just fabulous. They were just an inspiring bunch of women. Yesterday, Mel, my high school friend picked me up at Botoul's condo. I didn't get a chance to tell Mel that I was heading to the Bay area. It's a good thing though that apparently she subscribes to my blog! :) And although she doesn't leave any comments, she said that she tries to skim through my stories. Thanks, Mel! It was great spending time with you again. After lunch, she dropped me off at Jun's house. The house sits almost at the top of a steep hill. We were afraid that I would trip over on my high heels and fall all the way to the bottom of the hill ;). The view was gorgeous, though. Jun has a daughter now and a son on the way. It seemed just like yesterday when were children ourselves.

Last night, here in Daly City, we had the year-end prayer at Church. They also had a wonderful program afterwards. There are about 1,000 brethren here. It was so nice to be a part of the celebration. The Rosales family, as usual, has been very welcoming. PB will be joining me later here for our New Year's Eve celebration at Ate Tess' house. My flight back is tomorrow. I will be leaving California temporarily. The minute I land in Indiana, I will start bidding my long goodbye. Indiana has been great to me but I have a feeling that it's really not the place for me.

2008 year looks to be an exciting year. The top 8 things I would like to happen next year in somewhat chronological order.

1. Win a fellowship to help pay for my trip to Guatemala

2. Meet Tala and Caroline in an exotic place.

3. Meet with Glenda and Edith in NY or DC

4. Drive cross-country for the second time

5. Do a month-long elective at Stanford

6. Publish my research in Pediatric Radiology

7. Enjoy Guatemala

8. End the year in the Philippines with my family


Happy New Year to all!!!

Netflix

So there we were, four Mount Holyoke women catching up and enjoying a lovely Thai dinner. One Christian, one Muslim, one Buddhist, one atheist. One Filipina, one Afghan, one Vietnamese, one Bulgarian. Some of the Mount Holyoke themes came to mind, "many women, one Mount Holyoke", "uncommon women on common ground". One is a third-year medical student at IU, one has a master's in chemistry from UC Berkeley, one is a Hematology/Oncology fellow at UCLA, one has a PhD in Computer Science from Carnegie Mellon.

Oh yeah, and on the way to the restaurant, we passed by the Netflix headquarters.

so, what do you think of him?

my college friends are funny. they have been trying to set me up with their filipino friend for a while now. i guess, the natural thinking is that i'm interested in filipino guys. i'm not so sure, actually. we've had discussions on pros and cons of dating within and outside your own race. i suppose in the end you choose someone similar to your own background, culture and beliefs. it is probably just so much easier that way. less complicated. but i'll probably take complicated over boring ;).

Benazir

I am here at my Afghan friend's apartment, just finished eating breakfast. I turned on the computer and read the sad news. We were just at a Pakistani restaurant last night. My friend is Muslim and I am Christian. We had a good talk last night about Islam and Christianity.

The Proper Way

I have been a Children's Worship Service Teacher for a little over 15 years now. Almost half of my lifetime! :) In the bigger congregations, there were usually four of us who alternated teaching. Here in Indianapolis, I pretty much teach every week. Lately, I have been given one Sunday off a month. I must admit that I used to be more diligent in my preparation. A lesson is usually based on about 15 verses and I used to look them all up. I would then write out my "lesson plan" which consisted of questions and lesson applications. Sometimes, I wrote out my prayers, too. Here are some of the verses for tomorrow's lesson. The theme of the lesson is the proper way of worshiping God.

Romans 12:1 NIV

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.

Psalm 29:2 NKJV

Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;
Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.

Proverbs 3:7 NIV

Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

Psalms 118:6

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?


I try to impress upon the children that the assembling of ourselves together is very important. It is our primary duty. God waits for us during the worship service. We had a snowstorm here last Sunday, just in time for our Annual Thanksgiving worship service. I don't think that anyone missed the service. The brethren living outside Indianapolis did not take chances and got hotel rooms in town the night before. I woke up early to shovel and thaw out my car. The roads were icy so I was praying all the way to the place of worship. One family's car spun around but they were kept safe. During the children's worship service, I asked the children to enumerate some of the things that we are thankful for in the past year. One boy stood up and said that he is very thankful that God continues to keep us safe through bad weather. Yep, neither rain nor sleet nor snow can stop us from worshiping :).

Jodie is out

One of my favorite movies is The Silence of the Lambs. It came out my senior year of high school. I've always liked Jodie Foster since then although I can't really say that I liked most of her other movies. What do I think about homosexuality?
Well, I do believe it is a sin. But again, I don't really tell people to their face that they will burn in hell because of their sexual preference. I do have friends who are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. I haven't had the inclination to tell them to renew their ways. If they were my children, that would probably be another story. I would probably start the conversation with something like, "I understand that you are attracted to your own gender, but that doesn't mean that you should act on it."

7 rotation months

under my belt! Woohoo!! Only about 4 1/2 months to go for third year. I still have Psychiatry and the dreaded Surgery block. I anticipate busy times ahead. :)

So for now, a commercial break on my academic life. I leave Monday for San Francisco to meet up with PB. We then head to Lake Tahoe with the Redwood City brethren to ski/snowboard. (I'll try not to break my neck, mom ;)). I have not seen the brethren there since I was at Stanford the summer of 1994! I am also meeting up with a couple of college friends whom I have not seen since graduation. I'm looking forward to having facetime with friends and family. Online communication is very convenient but probably somewhat artificial. Making an effort to reach out in person is probably what counts in the end.

Words of comfort

There are people who are blessed with the ability to provide words of comfort. They calm our anxiousness. They make us believe again in ourselves. They support us. They encourage us. They makes us laugh even though we want to cry. They remind us that God loves us. We hold on dearly to them as we should. We are blessed that they are a part of our lives.

ESP

Sometimes I think I can sense things somehow. Take for example, yesterday, I wrote about goodbyes. And today, sure enough, I found the reason why I had to say goodbye :). Coincidence? I think not ;). Goodbyes are great. It gives you a sense of peace, a sense of closure. I can't wait to finish here. Less than 17 months and counting...

Goodbye

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

--------------------------------

I was studying with a friend tonight and this song came on. I like the melody so I tried to catch the lyrics. Then I realized that this is the song! I turned to my friend and said that this is the perfect theme song for me and the boy she also knows. She laughed and she told me that she was thinking the same thing. We had a heart-to-heart talk about dating 101, american-style, the other night. I agreed with her assessment that he's just not into me. Oh well, it looks like we are heading in different directions, anyway. So it doesn't really matter. Paalam, sinta!

Another one bites the dust

PB just shared with me the wedding photos. Wow! Unbelievable..
For the record, I just want to welcome Abi to our family. Obviously this was not the kind of wedding we would have wanted. But of course, we don't hold any ill feelings since we're just not that kind of family. We're all about unconditional love naman, di ba? :) Congratulations to the bride and groom! See you around this time next year. May you both have time to reflect on faith and what it means to both of you.

wewe's wedding

Wireless Wonder

I thought I needed a DSL installation CD for my laptop to connect to the internet. I ordered the CD the day after Thanksgiving but it never came. My laptop just sat here. It was a bit anticlimactic considering I waited maybe 5 hours in the cold just to purchase it. By the time the store opened, I was practically friends with my linemates :). I now can understand how people can get hurt during a stampede haha.

After getting an earful from a friend about my silly ramblings, I needed to fixate on other things ;). No more silly talk from now on ( well, at least for tonight :)). So I worked on getting my wireless router set up without the CD. Success!

Look ma, no wires! No attachments, but definitely connected! :)

Girl talk

This is just another one of my imaginative boy stories. So if you're sick about hearing them, you can skip to my next post :).

So yesterday, I saw him again down the hallway, twice, as a matter of fact. The first time, I immediately turned left but I was with my attending and he wanted to go straight instead. I waved the first time. I said hello the second time.

I just finished meeting with my research advisor just a few minutes ago. She's leaving for Australia so she wanted to make sure that I am making progress on my research. Since she'll be gone for at least 6 months, I figured I better ask some questions now.

Is he gay?

No, of course not!

Is he still single?

Yes, and he is very lonesome.

He seems nice.

He is very nice that is why I wanted the both of you to meet in the first place. I am hoping that the two of you..

Is it allowed since I am student?

It happens all the time...



He seems to be a really nice person. He does make me smile. He seems to be the kind of guy who'll "baby" me. But when I look at him, I see a typical life in suburban America. I am not really sure that that is what I want. But who really knows what I want? :)

Time is definitely not on my side. Some might say that there is a clock that ticks, ticks, ticks ;). But they say that patience is virtue. I googled "holding pattern love". This quotation came up:

Steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.

Good Dream

I was supposed to be studying last night but I was so sleepy after I got home so I did not get around to it. I remember drifting off to sleep sort of composing in my head a post about the "perfect" child. I was going to write about how too often in a children's hospital there can be a lot of grief- mostly grief about the loss of the dream of having a "perfect" child. It must be so devastating to hear that your child will not be the same as the other kids. But today is not a day for sad posts, so I will not think about my kids until I see them again tomorrow.

I just want to record that I had a good dream last night. In my dream, on the cover of the PASUGO, there was a chapel and a medical clinic right next to it. There seemed to be a caption stating that there is a sister who runs this clinic. The place is Santa something, Santa Rosa, maybe? In my dream, I just assumed that it was in California. I remember thinking that I will plan on volunteering there for a month and see how the clinic is run. It's interesting that the clinic seems to be right next to the chapel. Then suddenly I was there at the clinic, with students sitting in a classroom. The clinic looked like a converted school. Anyways, the moment I woke up, I realized that it was just a dream. We don't really have clinics connected to a chapel. But I thought it was an interesting idea..

Courtship Filipino-Style

I have been writing about the people I like with the hopes that I stop liking them. Today, I want to write about someone who annoys me with the hopes that my annoyance goes away.

There is this Filipino saying, "Walang matimtimang birhen sa matiyagang manalangin."
It roughly translates to - if you like a girl, persevere in getting her attention and she will eventually come around. But this girl is definitely annoyed and there is no chance that she will ever come around.

Last night, after devotional prayer, I literally ran to my car so he would not get a chance to talk to me. But he still followed. So annoying! Here's the plan for tonight. If he talks to me, I'll just tell him straight up to please stop because he is totally annoying me. I am not a mean person. I am definitely not a man-hater. I just don't like it when people are too friendly especially if they don't even know me. There is friendly and there is annoying friendly. I know, I know we're supposed to love the brethren. As soon as he stops talking to me and getting into my personal space, maybe then we can be friends :). It looks like I am really destined to be an old maid! ;)

Process of Elimination

Someone once told me that it's possible to "love" more than one person at the same time. I vehemently disagreed. Maybe it is possible to "like" more than one person at the same time. PB tells me that he is attracted to pretty much all of his female friends :). How can that be? He said that he just stays in touch with them and when the time comes that he is ready for a relationship, he'll just pick from amongst them haha. I am probably on the insecure side. I would definitely not like it if the guy has a lot of female friends :).

So hospitals are not good places to "like" somebody :). The hospital is small and you're bound to bump into one another. It looks like that he is the attending physician for his specialty this week. My first day back at this hospital and guess who I bump into on my way out the emergency room? I managed to say hello :). I was a little bit shocked that I didn't even manage to say hi to the fellow he was with. I was on their service earlier in the year so I pretty much know everyone in their department. This morning after pre-rounding, guess who I saw again on the hallway. I instinctively tried to "hide", took a sharp turn and almost hit the wall :). Silly me! I had nowhere else to go so I proceeded down the hallway and said hello. This silliness gotta stop haha. I need to get back on track on the research project we're working on so I probably should suggest that we sit down and discuss the project. No personal discussions, just purely academic ;).

Laundry Mat

I was "on-call" for Neurology tonight. Basically, that means that I have to follow a resident after hours typically from 4 p.m. to 10 p.m. to see new patients. The resident on-call paged me around 5:15 p.m. After seeing 2 patients in about an hour's time, she let us go home. Gotta love Neurology calls :). The first patient was a woman with known epilepsy who just delivered a baby this morning. We suspected pseudoseizures after multiple unsuccessful IV placement attempts. The second patient was a guy ready to be discharged. He was admitted for a stroke workup.

When we walked into his room, his wife was there at the bedside. The resident introduced me and the wife got excited that she knows me. So I was trying to figure out how she knows me. Was she one of my previous patients? Does she work at the neighborhood diner I go too? Maybe she works at Bar-B-Q heaven? I was thinking hard but I just couldn't place her. I figured I'll just ask her when it's time for us to leave. But her husband beat me to it :). He asked her how she knows me. She said that she knows me from the laundry mat. Oh yeah, how can I forget? I just remember seeing her there last week. Her dad is the minister of the church who owns the strip mall at the corner which includes the laundry mat. It's funny how sometimes you don't recognize people when you see them in unexpected places.

I think I have been telling you all that I want to go to Central/South America. My good friend Edith lives in Ecuador but her husband will get reassigned next July so I was waiting to decide which country to go to based on their assignment. Her husband is in Foreign Service. But an opportunity came up through my school so I have made a decision sooner rather than later. I'll be going to Guatemala! It's not until October 2008 but I'm already planning for it :). I just got my new passport yesterday issued by the Chicago consulate ( My 3 previous passports were issued in Manila, New York, and Washington D.C., I have really moved a lot!)

So mom, I don't really have an idea how safe the country is. But can you really imagine any other single gal more adventurous and more adaptable than me? ;). So I think I will be ok. And yes dad, there is a group worship service in Guatemala. I would really love to meet the brethren there. PB, since you're earning a lot of money now, be sure to make the final payments on our house :). (In PB's congregation there's actually a sister who serves as a Spanish translator during the worship service. I'll make it a point to meet her when I visit PB.)

So I think my dream of being able to visit all our places of worship all over the world is slowly but surely becoming a reality. I once dreamed that I'll be a minister's wife and be assigned to all these places. But you know what, I realized that with me being single, I actually have more flexibility in visiting and living in all of these places. Funny how life turns out. I think I may just have conquered one of my final major fears. I used to have a fear of being raped. I got past that. I still pray that it will never happen but you know what, even if it did, I know I will survive that. I used to have a fear that I will not have children. But now I think, I can always adopt. I used to have a fear of being single, especially living and working in a country other than the US and the Philippines. But I've met quite a few remarkable women who make these kind of plans irregardless of their relationship status. And of course, there always have been men who make plans without regard to their marital status. So I am making plans as a single woman. A husband would be nice ;). But obviously not necessarily a prerequisite for my plans to work out. Someone told me once that God doesn't necessarily give everyone a partner in life. Who knows what God has in store for me? I think I'll be happy either way :). A friend was just trying to set me up with his brother today. I just smiled. I have places to go.. ;).

Syncope-Free

About a year ago, I passed out for the first time the day before our Pathology finals. So when I saw the 2nd-year students lining up to take their finals today, it brought a smile to my face. It's been almost a year and I have been syncope-free :). Yay, I made it! It looks like I am in good health and I am really grateful for that.

My past medical history is fairly benign. I've had acne since I was 10. I used to have nosebleeds but I outgrew them. I used to have motion sickness but I outgrew that, too. I had the usual childhood diseases. Vaccinations were optional when I was growing up :). I had measles, mumps, and also chickenpox. I may have had the flu once but I'm not really sure. And let's not forget the parasites: intestinal worms and pinworms haha! Past surgical history: I had an appendectomy when I was 14. I had jaw and chin surgery when I was 23 to correct my bite. No current medications. No supplements although I probably should take some calcium. No known drug allergies.

So, when I passed out last year, it was a bit scary. What if there's something wrong? I didn't go to the doctor then. I figured, I'll go if it happens again within the year. And it looks like, so far, so good :).

I just saw my favorite Path professor on the way over here to the library. He said he "lost" one of the students during the exam. Apparently, the student just went up to him during the exam and said that there is something wrong with her. She was in a state of total confusion and she couldn't even remember his name. He sent her to the ER to get an evaluation and a head CT. The things that preparing for a Path exam can do to you :).

Death

Today was my last day in leukemia clinic. My spirits were up. My first patient was a woman who had acute lymphoblastic leukemia, in remission now for 5 years. Fast forward to the last patient, somebody with the same leukemia not responding to 2 rounds of chemo. It was the first time I got to witness the process of breaking bad news.

"I'm sorry that we find ourselves here.."

The patient seemed in shock. All she could say was that she didn't expect this. Her husband looked around as if he was trying to find cues on how to process the information. I couldn't help but to look down. My tears were starting to form although I just met the patient. His tears started falling.

I can't imagine what their Thanksgiving would be like. Another chemo doesn't sound promising. They will be thinking about whether it's best to let the disease run its present course. Waiting for death.. aah what a journey that must be.

At the end, my preceptor shook the couple's hand and said, "God bless." What else can you really say at this point? I shook their hands. God bless..

Lunch

So he emailed me back and said I can come by his house anytime I want :). See, he is super nice! I've been studying with my friend Karla (mom- that's not a typo, Karla not Karlo :)). She's actually Iglesia, too! She was five when her family moved here to the US. Isn't it amazing that we ended up in the same medical school class here at IU? I'm actually in her apartment using her laptop now. I am waiting till the after Thanksgiving sale to get one. So I told her all about him and she is interested in meeting him. There are not too many Filipino faculty around. So I emailed him back to let him know that both of us are coming :).

We have an exam this Wednesday so I better get back to studying. I promise I will call home as soon as I am done with the exam. I will also get my ticket to San Francisco then. I plan on spending New Year's with PB and probably the Rosales family. We'll also probably meet up with the Glindros. PB should have met them yesterday since they had a district Bible exposition in San Jose.

Heart Jumping

If I plot out my blogwriting vs my emotions, they should be directly proportional to each other. So on days that I don't write, most likely I'm just lost in everyday routineness. Or it could also be that I'm trying my best to keep my emotions in check.

Whenever my heart jumps, my immediate thought is to write something about it. So instead of studying, I'm writing right now ;). Today, my schedule put me in the same hospital for the whole day. So I decided to eat at the hospital cafeteria. I saw one of my classmates who I have not seen for a while so we chitchat over lunch. Since I normally don't pay attention to my surroundings and she was telling me the romantic story of how she met his new boyfriend, I didn't notice him right away. So he was there in his black leather jacket smiling and waving at me. I smiled and waved back. A part of me wanted to get up and follow him so I can ask him how he is doing. I told her who he is and even though we only had him for one or two lectures, she too remembers thinking then that he is so dashing :). I also told her that I have confirmed in a roundabout way that he is not straight so I don't really understand why my heart jumps every time I see him. She just reassured me that sometimes you can't help but have some sort of attraction to the wrong person. I don't even think now that he's all that cute. But there is just this general niceness about him that I seem to respond to. As I was telling my friend that he makes my heart jump, placing my hand to my chest, he happened to walk by again! I just hope that he did not overhear my silliness :).

But anyways, I think I do want to be friends with him. Probably the only way that this heart will stop jumping is by spending more time with him. So I'll shoot him an email now and suggest that he invite me over to his house for dinner. Maybe his boyfriend will cook up something fabulous :).

Advance Directives

Today we had an ethics discussion. At the end, we were encouraged to let our loved ones know about our advance directives for our end-of-life medical care. Basically, I think I don't want any extraordinary measures/artificial nutrition in the event that I have no chance of recovery. It's hard to think about my own mortality. I meant to sign up as an organ donor when I renewed my driver's license earlier this year. But I hesitated yet again.

Note to self: Try to sign up for the Ethics elective my senior year. It should be interesting to think about ethical dilemmas all month long.

The last time I took an Ethics class was my first semester of college. We read writings of dead, male, white philosophers sort of viewed through a feminist lens. I remember talking about the good life, phallic symbols, justice, etc. My final 20-page paper was on nature and female imagery.

Pictorial

Guilty as Charged

In the hustle and bustle of things, I sometimes find myself frustrated. I actually did not feel like going to the devotional prayer last night. The prayer is for a Bible study this Saturday. I thought that maybe I should just stay home and pray on my own. I felt that the time it takes for me to go there is better spent actually inviting visitors. But I think the real frustration stems from the fact that I am really not good at inviting visitors. As I drove there anyhow, I thought that wouldn't it be nice if I'm off in a strange land somewhere, where the church has not taken roots yet and that I set up shop there. Then I would have a whole village to invite! Then my whole focus would be all about worship and service. Every breath would be a prayer. So I got to the prayer maybe 5 minutes late, uncharacteristically but good for me, the prayer has not started yet. At least 4 other people out of 12 were not there. I don't know, having less people than the day before made it more intimate for me. We sang a hymn and prayed. I felt His presence and my frustrations vanished. We are God's children everywhere we may be. I should not just imagine that the only way I would be a better servant is if I'm off somewhere. That actually would be a much easier task, not having the usual distractions of life. What is probably more admirable are the hearts of those who in both the ordinariness and complexities of their lives amidst this chaotic world, still find themselves strong and steadfast in their faith, not ever frustrated of their duties, united with those who lead us, always seeing the big picture as to what would be best for the Church as a whole so that we may all be holy and blameless, ready to meet Christ, our Savior.

Crutches

We got to play with crutches today. The shortest and the tallest were called upon to do the honors. I stood up immediately, rhetorically asking if anyone else is less than 5 feet tall :). Of the 270+ students in my class, I am probably the 2nd or 3rd shortest. Of course, the others had to look around first and had a harder time figuring out amongst themselves who is the tallest. Maybe tall people don't really size each other up that much. If someone is shorter than me, I definitely notice :).

It took me a while to figure out how to work the crutches. As you know my motor coordination leaves a lot to be desired :) I've never had to get crutches before. It is actually hard work not to have perfectly functioning legs. So as I walked afterwards I had greater appreciation of my legs.

Which reminds me, I want to share that I have theme songs whenever I walk :).

Walking out of the house- pretty woman walking down the street..

If it's really nice and sunny- i see skies of blue and clouds of white, the bright blessed day.... what a wonderful world; or i'm walking on sunshine...

If it's raining- i'll never let you see, the way my broken heart is hurtin' me, i've got my pride and i know how to hide all my sorrows and pain, i'll do my crying in the rain..

If I'm wearing boots- these boots are made for walking, and that's just what they'll do, one of these days these boots are gonna walk all over you.

When walking a lot- i would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more...

When there's pretty snow- walking in the winter wonderland..

Skin Cancer

Today in Derm clinic, I mostly saw presumed skin cancers. I even had the chance to biopsy and excise one out. I don't think I know anybody back home who has skin cancer. Our darker color gives us a lot of protection. My dad has lots of moles, different sizes, different colors. I think he said that one physician advised him to have one of the larger ones be taken out. He points out that the physician is long dead and he is still alive and kicking :).

Mondays

I have hematology clinic on Monday mornings. Most of the patients I have seen have some form of leukemia or "preleukemia". Due to genetic changes causing abnormal cell proliferation, normal cells in their bone marrow are being replaced with abnormal ones. We check their white cell, hemoglobin and platelet counts at each visit. I feel like a cheerleader most of the time. Mrs. A, your counts look great today. Mr. B, there is no evidence that the cancer has come back. But sometimes, we have to say that there is nothing else that we can do. Sometimes we also say that there is this experimental drug that is new that might be worth a try. I'm always tempted to say that it's worth a shot, even if the odds are one in a million. My preceptor reminds me that most of the time, a slight possibility of success is not worth the try especially if the odds are too low and the risks are high.

We have devotional prayer tonight. Odds versus prayers, no competition :).

Meet the Baby

So what do four female medical students do for fun on a lazy Sunday afternoon?
Well, after having an excellent lunch and spending quality time with the baby, we played "Wii". I guess I can describe it as virtual sports. You can play tennis, golf, boxing, bowling, etc. I was a pretty good boxer, ok tennis player, so-so bowler. But I think in real life, it should be the opposite. I'd like to think that I am good bowler haha.

We also watched football. Unfortunately, our team lost :(. This is only the 3rd game I've watched in its entirety. So don't ask me what I know about football 'coz I really don't know much. Our team won the Super Bowl last year so I'm trying to pay attention :). That is if I don't fall asleep watching the game ;).

P.S. I just got news from another classmate that she's expecting, too! All these baby news is making me want one. Maybe I should start dating, as in right now haha :). Ready or not, I am taking the big plunge. I might fall hard, get hurt, but who cares. At least nobody can say that I was afraid to try. Stay tuned ;).

Wishard photo

Taken after our noon conference with a visiting physician from China.

Men In Yoga Pants

I still don't know what to think of men who like yoga. There are 4 men in my yoga class. They are kinda amusing :).

Think of me, think of me fondly..

I introduced myself to my 81-year-old patient. He asked me to repeat my name. I repeated it slowly suspecting that he is hard of hearing. I proceeded to show my ID to help him out. He seemed lost in thought. I turned to his wife and showed my ID. She smiled knowingly. "His ex-girlfriend's name is Myra," she said. I smiled, "Oh, ok.. How long have you two been married?". "58 years," she said.

I remember the car radio playing..

Unforgettable, that's what you are..
Unforgettable though near or far..