Skin Cancer

Today in Derm clinic, I mostly saw presumed skin cancers. I even had the chance to biopsy and excise one out. I don't think I know anybody back home who has skin cancer. Our darker color gives us a lot of protection. My dad has lots of moles, different sizes, different colors. I think he said that one physician advised him to have one of the larger ones be taken out. He points out that the physician is long dead and he is still alive and kicking :).

Mondays

I have hematology clinic on Monday mornings. Most of the patients I have seen have some form of leukemia or "preleukemia". Due to genetic changes causing abnormal cell proliferation, normal cells in their bone marrow are being replaced with abnormal ones. We check their white cell, hemoglobin and platelet counts at each visit. I feel like a cheerleader most of the time. Mrs. A, your counts look great today. Mr. B, there is no evidence that the cancer has come back. But sometimes, we have to say that there is nothing else that we can do. Sometimes we also say that there is this experimental drug that is new that might be worth a try. I'm always tempted to say that it's worth a shot, even if the odds are one in a million. My preceptor reminds me that most of the time, a slight possibility of success is not worth the try especially if the odds are too low and the risks are high.

We have devotional prayer tonight. Odds versus prayers, no competition :).

Meet the Baby

So what do four female medical students do for fun on a lazy Sunday afternoon?
Well, after having an excellent lunch and spending quality time with the baby, we played "Wii". I guess I can describe it as virtual sports. You can play tennis, golf, boxing, bowling, etc. I was a pretty good boxer, ok tennis player, so-so bowler. But I think in real life, it should be the opposite. I'd like to think that I am good bowler haha.

We also watched football. Unfortunately, our team lost :(. This is only the 3rd game I've watched in its entirety. So don't ask me what I know about football 'coz I really don't know much. Our team won the Super Bowl last year so I'm trying to pay attention :). That is if I don't fall asleep watching the game ;).

P.S. I just got news from another classmate that she's expecting, too! All these baby news is making me want one. Maybe I should start dating, as in right now haha :). Ready or not, I am taking the big plunge. I might fall hard, get hurt, but who cares. At least nobody can say that I was afraid to try. Stay tuned ;).

Wishard photo

Taken after our noon conference with a visiting physician from China.

Men In Yoga Pants

I still don't know what to think of men who like yoga. There are 4 men in my yoga class. They are kinda amusing :).

Think of me, think of me fondly..

I introduced myself to my 81-year-old patient. He asked me to repeat my name. I repeated it slowly suspecting that he is hard of hearing. I proceeded to show my ID to help him out. He seemed lost in thought. I turned to his wife and showed my ID. She smiled knowingly. "His ex-girlfriend's name is Myra," she said. I smiled, "Oh, ok.. How long have you two been married?". "58 years," she said.

I remember the car radio playing..

Unforgettable, that's what you are..
Unforgettable though near or far..

Study Tips

I just saw an old friend who had to take a leave of absence last year. I tried to pass on some "study" tips. I really struggle in studying. When PB was here he was asking why he never saw me open a book. Or if he did see me holding one I was fast asleep. It's very hard for me to focus. I have some sort of learning disability :).
But each day, I try to learn something new so I am hoping that I am building up my knowledge base slowly but surely.

So she said she failed the Neuro exam. I told her that I passed just by studying the old exam questions. Not the best way to study probably but I somehow passed. She said she really wants to understand every detail so she is overwhelmed. I've noticed this with some other friends as well. I think it is admirable to want to understand everything but at what point do you let go so you don't get overwhelmed? But I think for some people they just have this baseline anxiousness that they have learned to live with. Maybe it's what drives them to do their best. I told her that I just wanted to get through with the hopes that I will understand the details in the future. She is a very smart woman. She did much better than me in our Master's program. We used to study together and it seemed that I never knew anything. I told her that she just needs to remember that if I somehow made it through she should be able to as well. I wish her the best!

Library

I am here at the library partly by choice, but mostly by necessity :).
You see, it's starting to get cold out here in the American Midwest. We just had our first frost the other day. I still have no heat at the house plus my home computer is dead. So I came here tonight hoping that I can get some work done.
I like this library. It inspires me, challenges me and moves me! And since I just woke up from a 3-hour "nap", apparently, it also rocks me to sleep ;). The library is closing in a few minutes. I did have good intentions but I guess no studying is happening tonight. Until tomorrow then!

Changing Templates

It's about time that I change the color of my blog. Lots of changes happening. Changing hair colors.. changing plans.. changing dreams, just lots of changes. With each change certain things get lost in the wayside. I used to have this counter which tells me how many visitors stop by my blog. But now, it's gone. I guess I could put it back on. But maybe now I can write more freely into the unknown ;).

Meeting His Girlfriend

So a few nights ago, I dreamt that I would see him with his new girlfriend at the library last night. So I went but I didn't see them. Maybe I'll meet her some other time. In my dream, his girlfriend is tall, boyish cut brown hair, pretty, wearing scrubs.

Today I went to get an oil change. Typical me, I was oblivious to my surroundings. As I turned around after paying at the cashier, guess who said hello. Another classmate, a previous rotation partner! Apparently his girlfriend noticed that I was carrying around a review book. Funny that he was also carrying around a review book. Typical med students us hahah. We used to go to the operating room with me complaining that my scrubs are too long. He mentioned that his girlfriend is about my size and she orders her scrubs from a specific place. So I asked her to pass on the information to me. Hopefully, the days of ill-fitting scrubs would be over :).

The Empty Room

The room seems bigger. There's some sense of loss. There's also a bit of freedom regained. No more dinners to come home to. I will have to clean and take out the trash again on my own;). No more worrying when he'll get a job, though. Good luck to my brother as he goes out in the real world!

I finished another rotation. I got 4 social invites from classmates within the last 24 hours. The best time for most of us to get together is right after a rotation. We swap stories, catch up, renew old friendships and nurture new ones.

Losing Stuff

My computer died last night. So I got to thinking whether I own anything that I can't afford to lose. Really, nothing. I came to this country with 2 suitcases. I intend to leave with 2. Probably not with the suitcases I came in with although I still have them. I like change. I will get new suitcases.

A Day at the Museum

Hi Doc!

You probably miss me so I thought I'd stop for a second and share some of my thoughts today..

A man in a wheelchair said hello as the three of us in our white coats walked hurriedly past the hospital entrance. I smiled politely as my classmate said hi back. I thought he was one of his patients. Then he asked me if that was my patient. I looked back and saw the patient looking still as if we had an unfinished conversation. I still could not remember if he was my patient. I ran through our list of 23 patients in my head and then it hit me that he was my patient! As I was busy typing my notes this morning, my resident mentioned that we are discharging him. He was transferred to our service 2 days ago, so before 7 am each morning, I have been waking him up to examine him and ask him how he is doing. He said he didn't feel ready to go this morning so I wasn't expecting that he will be going. I meant to stop by his room and say goodbye but I was rushing to finish my 'history and physical' for a patient we admitted last night. I don't like it when I don't get to say goodbye. I wanted to walk back and wish him well and remind him yet again to quit smoking. But we were late for a lecture so I didn't get a chance to do so. It would have only taken a second to say goodbye this morning. It's taking me minutes now to write about it.. Tomorrow, I will make it a point to say goodbye.

Weekend Pictures

Lungs for Life 5K run



Bible study- Bloomington, Indiana



Before the Worship Service


Indianapolis Choir


Indianapolis Children's Worship Service Officers

Love and Faith

My mom tells me that my brother is pushing through with a civil wedding in December. My brother understands that my parents will not be going. He had asked my grandparents who are not yet members of the Church to be his witnesses. I guess he is just continuing with family tradition. My dad just keeps quiet. I'm sure everything will work out in the end. But still, for the record, I must say, I do not approve. It's not exactly the ideal way to start forever. A friend who visited me last summer jokingly chastised me for having "crushes" on guys who are not from our Church. Another friend once told me that when these things happen one should just pray for the feelings to go away. If it's meant to go away, it will go away. And yes, surprisingly enough, you just wake up one day and it's all gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

Little Orphan Me (the green dress)

It just hit me hard that I have been living life essentially as an "orphan". I can now understand the look of pity others have when I mention that I have not lived with my parents since I was 11. In the last 15 years, I have only seen my parents once. I imagined that I have an excellent relationship with them even though I only get to speak with them over the phone. It never occurred to me that it was not real. Does this give me then the entitlement to be childish (complete with tantrums)? ;) Can I ever reclaim all of the baby time I lost? Yikes, I am really so flawed. :)

But hopefully, my parents will be here soon enough. When they get here maybe I will get all the baby time I need. Until then, I will try to patiently wait my turn to be their baby. Special thanks to the green dress for letting me see life as it is and not as I imagined :).

Code Blue

Every time I hear Code Blue announced from the public address system, I feel like running. My heart pounds and sinks at the same time hoping that the patient survives. The patient is typically on the pulmonary unit. I ran once when I was seeing a patient just across the hall. It was actually a patient on our consult list who we have seen earlier. It seems that the whole hospital runs towards the unit. I don't really know why I ran since I am still not trained to handle a code. Thankfully, the patient made it. But yeah, every time I hear Code Blue I feel like running. But I stay put, hoping the day will come when I can be of help.

Women are from Venus

It's such a cliche. You expect men in your life to think and feel like you and they don't. Is it too much to ask that they try to anticipate how you would feel? :) You try to "protect" them from other women. But are you really protecting them or are you protecting yourself? You see another woman's hidden motivations a mile away and they just don't see it. Does it take a woman to read another woman? When you explain to them why you feel the way you do, it does sound silly. You kinda understand their perspective, that it's really not a big deal. Emotional "maturity". It's a long journey. One step at a time, maybe I'll get there. (Don't worry mom, I promise that I'll try my best to be a good big sister :)).

warm sunny days

i love days like this. i woke up around 10:00 a.m. left for school around 11:00 a.m. walked out to a lovely 73-degree weather (23 in Celsius). this month is my radiology research month. i really appreciate that i can come in whenever i feel like it. (i do try to stay for the whole 8 hours, so don't accuse of me being a slacker. ;)) yesterday, as i stared blankly at yet another CT scan, i asked myself, is this really what i am signing my life away for? :). i had lots of dreams last night, my mind must have been trying to reconcile a lot of stuff. and reconcile it did. i woke up wanting to look at more short gut imaging. so here i am, back at it.

Visualizing...

i saw this picture of one of our chapels online. can you also see me getting off a white limo with a long veil? ;) what do you think? haha

Confessions of a Primadonna and Control Freak

(A big sister's note to her little brother.)

Dear PB,

A week from now, you should be here in Indianapolis. I can't imagine what sorts of emotions you are going through right now. You must be so excited to make the trip. At the same time, I know you must be anxious about working here. As you know, I am the eternal optimist, so I am telling you that things are going to work out for the best. The worst thing that could happen is that you wouldn't like working here. And even then, home is just a plane ride away. You must be asking yourself, how would you know that you made the right choice to come here? Here's the simple answer. If you find yourself even closer to God, taking up an office in the Church, perhaps, being more spiritually active in general; then you would know that this is where God wants you to be. I have even picked out an office for you :). What do you think of Finance (Pananalapi)? I think it would be a good fit.

And for the record, contrary to popular belief, I am not a primadonna nor a control freak ;). I can do up to 50% of the household chores. I'll do half of the cooking, cleaning, etc. Oh yeah, except for ironing. I don't really know how to iron and even if I did I wouldn't want to iron anyone else's clothes. I have plenty of my own clothes to iron, thank you very much. (Certainly, you can volunteer to iron my clothes, if you would like :)). And yes, I do like making suggestions. But don't you worry that I'll take it against you if you don't agree with my suggestions. Just don't come back to me whining, ok? :) Seriously, I would really like for you to make your own decisions. You can consult me every now and then. But please don't be afraid to make mistakes. That's really when you can learn the most.

I do think that we will get along fabulously. We're both easygoing and laidback. We both want the best for our family. I am sure that all of them are cheering us on! :)
See you soon!

Ate Mhy

ER humor

Growing up, there were Reader's digests lying around in the house. My dad must have had a subscription. I especially liked the vocabulary and jokes/funny stories sections. I learned last summer that one of my med school classmates actually had one of her funny stories published there. It inspired me to think that maybe I could also publish one of mine someday. I think that there is a section called All in a Day's Work. (Hmmm, is there also one called Laughter is the Best Medicine?)

So I worked in the ER today. I absolutely love working there. Sometimes you just click with some of your patients. They are appreciative that you care for and actually care about them. Sometimes they are delighted that you are actually funny, too. Today, I actually had one of those patients. This is his story.

A 32-year-old white male comes to the ER complaining of a deep laceration in his forearm gushing with blood sustained early in the morning. He had been drinking and fell through a glass window. As we prepare to suture him, the registration person comes in and hands him some paperwork.

Registration: Sir, this paper explains payment procedures for those without insurance.
Patient: I wonder how much all of these would cost me.
Med student: It would cost you an arm!
Patient: It would cost cost me an arm and a leg?
Doctor: No, just an arm.

I know it's probably not as funny on paper. But the patient's family laughed really hard. It definitely made my day :).

Michigan On My Mind

My port of entry 15 years ago was Detroit, Michigan. I finally got to see the chapel and attend the worship service there last January. A friend started his fellowship there this past summer. My rotation partner in Peds grew up there. A friend's boyfriend will start a job there next month. A classmate is about to date someone who lives there. Finally, my radiology mentor told me the other day that she knows of this small residency program there that might take someone who has below average grades and board scores. She is suggesting that I do an away rotation there next year to up my chances. All along I've been thinking of some place warmer like Texas. But I guess, Michigan it is!

Physician Under Siege

During my very first day in my Family Medicine rotation last month, the office staff were abuzz that there is this doctor being investigated for overprescribing strong narcotics and short-acting anti-anxiety drugs. I didn't really pay much attention. I overheard them saying his name as Dr. Minilo (?). In the next few days, my preceptor would get calls from his former patients wanting to know if she would prescribe the narcotics for them. I think I already wrote about my preceptor's position on this matter and so the answer was no. One day, we had one of his former patients come in as a "work-in" (walk-in)patient. The receptionist wrote out on front of the chart that this is a former patient of his. So I read his actual last name and it is actually the same as Bro. Felix's. So I told my preceptor that he could actually be Filipino and I tried to educate her with the correct pronunciation. I guess it's hard for some Americans to pronounce the "a" sound like in apple in his name. So anyways, it occurred to me to google him and see where he went to medical school. And in fact, he graduated from UP. He is a cardiologist but he would have patients on cash basis in his office even until after midnight waiting for a prescription. It would be sad if his motivation was primarily money. I guess it would be too naive to believe that he just really wanted to ease his patients' pain and anxiety. But clearly boundaries have been crossed in this case.

Time for some pictures. I spent last weekend with college friends Tala and Carolyn.

Tala is growing an organic lettuce garden. I was tasked to pick some for lunch.


This is where Tala works. Carolyn dreams of working here next year. I dream of using some of the "appropriate technology" developed here someday.













I took this picture of the Seattle chapel. It was a very spiritual worship service last Sunday. The district minister of Australia happened to officiate the service. His daughter residing here got married last weekend.




Waiting for the Dave Matthews concert at the Gorge amphitheater, quite possibly the most gorgeous outdoor concert venue.











Tala and Julio (her husband) salsa dancing. Tala and Carolyn are avid salseras so we salsa danced for 2 nights. I probably should take lessons. My hips still do not want to move. I still yet to find my inner "landi" (flirt) ;).




Carolyn is running a half-marathon next month. She has inspired me to sign up for a 5K run this month. I'll be sure to ask PB to take pictures of me running then :).

The Dread Has Lifted

I just ran into one of my neighbors who gives me updates on the 'hood since most of the time I am oblivious to what's going on. The house across me has been boarded up. My neighbor who I suspect may have broken into my house before and probably stolen packages on my porch has been arrested last Sunday. He is one creepy guy. He was a new neighbor last year so I let him cut grass for me before. He also helped me clear snow a few times. He just creeped me out because I would used to go home from the library at midnight and he would cross to my side of the street as soon as I pull over. Everytime I come home it seems that he is watching me. I am glad that he is now locked up.

The other guy who lives next to me is also gone. He was also a new neighbor last year. I also suspect that he has broken into my house a number of times. I thought he was a person to trust. He was helping me fix my house. Last month, he knocked asking for sandwich bags. I told him to come back some other time. A few days later I noticed that my door was open and my sandwich bags were gone. For the next few days, I would come home and my door would be open. My window was not fixed properly so it was easy to pry it open. I didn't really notice anything else missing at first until on the fifth day or so my little refrigerator was gone. That really pissed me off. I confronted him but of course he denied that he took it. I got the refrigerator for $30 I think at a pawn shop so it wasn't really valuable. But I was just pissed that he would steal from me. Since then he has not been able to look me in the eye. So for a month now I don't even have any cold beverages. And I think he also stole my friend's old checkbook which he left on his side of the house 3 years ago. I would get these letters that his checks have bounced. Of course he didn't write them because he is in the Navy. But anyways, apparently he moved out of the neighborhood last Saturday. So it looks like in one weekend both of my shady neighbors left. Sweet!

On a much happier note, I heard this really cheesy 80s song on the radio the other day and it might just be my song of the moment. It keeps playing in my head. I will write part of the lyrics here with the hopes that it will go away ;).

The Colour of Love
Billy Ocean

If I had to paint a picture
To show the world how true love can really be
I would use the brightest colours
To create a vision of harmony
It would be a reality
'Cause its only what's inside of my heart
You would see I've always loved you right from the very start

Tell me what is the colour of love?
What do you see?
Is it warm is it tender when you think of me
I see the colour of love when I'm thinking of you
As a picture perfect painting of love forever true

Mama Mia

My mom is 100% nice. (I only have half of her genes, so you do the math ;).) But don't be fooled by her sweet gentle childlike innocence. Underneath it all actually lies a resilient woman, emotionally strong even in the face of a catastrophe. She had the misfortune of going through a horrific business failure. She tried to save a sinking ship that could not be saved. Regretfully, in the midst of it all, I was not there for her. I was thousands of miles away, starting college, unable to afford even a phone call home. Nobody was really there for her to understand what she was going through. But I guess all of us have that defining moment when we are at our darkest hour. That is when our conversations with God becomes deeper. Our belief that we are His child is affirmed. Never again do we lose confidence that He will always comfort us. Never again do we doubt that He will show us the way. The financial repercussions of "the problem" cast a long shadow in our family. But really we are ok, that is our only problem; we've learned to get by with having nothing. We have the more important stuff. We have our health, we have each other, and most of all, we are strengthened together by our faith.
Each new day only gets better.

On this day, I wish my mom a happy, happy birthday. I thank my mom for all that she is and all that she is not. What I admire most about her is her endless capacity for unconditional love. Thanks so much for all your love, mommy! May all your dreams come true!

Charmed, Part Deux

So I went to his office sort of chanting in my head, don't be charmed, don't be charmed. He was trying to explain something to me but my mind wandered off, the algorithm running in my head. He is not that cute but he always make me smile. He is kinda chunky so maybe he knows how to cook. He is very smart and very passionate about what he does. He seems to be that kind of guy who will take care of you. I know that he is not married. I am not sure if he has a girlfriend or not. But a friend of mine saw him at brunch one time and she reported that he was by himself. I don't get the vibe that he plays for the other team, so that's good :). But where will he be say 10 years from now? I strongly suspect that he will be exactly right here. And I just don't know if right here is where I want to be then. (Sometimes I imagine being in another country learning a new language.) Who knows even where I'll be in 2 years for residency? Should I ask him now if he goes to church? I don't think I like his last name. Ok. That's enough. Please stop the silliness :). Focus. Where were we? Right, short gut...

Difficult Conversations

I am really liking my Family Medicine rotation a lot. Hands down, I like it even more than my Pediatrics rotation, very much to my surprise. I still see kids but now I get to hear their heartbeats while they are in their mother's womb. I see them as they miraculously go through the birth process. I see them reach their developmental milestones. I see kids go through adolescence. I see grown-ups, moms and dads, grandmas and grandpas. You see a whole gamut of patients each presenting with an interesting story. Even the family dynamics are quite fascinating.

We got asked earlier in the week what kind of doctor we pictured ourselves to be when we first thought of becoming a doctor. This is very much what I imagined a doctor will be doing, taking care of each member of the family. I still remember our town doctor, Doktora Palacol. I don't think she delivered babies but she took care of adults and children. I don't know if she continues to practice. I remember her favorite diagnosis: kidney disease! She would hit you on your sides and if you complain of flank pain, she'd say -- aah, you have sakit sa bato! (kidney disease!) :).

Today was very interesting. My first patient was almost near death a couple of weeks ago. She has long-standing pulmonary hypertension and she was being worked up for its cause. She went in for a routine outpatient endomyocardial biopsy and the last thing she remembered was somebody saying, "oh, something is terribly wrong". They had punctured her heart! Her husband was told that they weren't sure if she would live through it. Obviously, she did, thankfully! :). She just got so wary of medical interventions now that she did not feel comfortable starting a CPAP for her sleep apnea which may very well be the cause of her hypertension. Another patient was a teenager with bipolar disorder. She came in with her mom who she adores and thinks of as her best friend. I went through the review of systems and physical exam. Then she requested that her mom leave the room because she wanted to tell me something. I thought she was going to confide some sort of risky behavior but it turned out that she just has questions about female stuff. It amazes me how much trust goes in a patient-doctor relationship. Another patient was a 9-month old girl with congenital heart defects. She has a very loud heart murmur complete with a palpable thrill that even I could not miss :). They were initially waiting for her to grow more prior to additional surgeries but my preceptor suggested that they call the cardiologist immediately since she seems to be getting worse fast. I pray for her surgeries to be successful.

My last patient for the day was a 17-year-old on Vicodin for migraines and joint pains. He is a new patient and I was curious to find out whether he should really be on Vicodin which is a strong narcotic. His mom was in the room when I came in. I
asked about his migraines and whether he would be willing to try out anti-migraine meds. His mom was adamant that he stays on Vicodin which he's been on for 2 years now. I tried to explain that it's not good for him to be on Vicodin long-term. I told them that there are different kinds of pain and we have different medications to treat them. I even mentioned that if he is really in so much pain, we can even refer him to a pain clinic for pain management. I left the room with the feeling that I have at least let them know of different options that we have in managing his pain. I staffed him with my preceptor and then we came back to the room. My preceptor told him right off the bat that she is not the type of physician who would prescribe Vicodin to teenagers with migraine pain without exhausting other alternatives. His last doctor prescribed him 60 pills and he finished it all in less than a month.

They were really upset about this so when my preceptor left the room I purposely stayed behind. I felt our conversation earlier went very well and I had a connection with them. I told them earlier that my classmates tease me that I have the genetic condition he has because I can bend my little finger all the way down. I told them that I have a strong fascination with Medical Genetics and he is the first person I've met with that syndrome. So I tried to convince them that my preceptor has his best interests at heart. And I didn't think it was a bad idea to try other medications. So I eventually convinced them that they should at least try some of the sample meds that we have. I didn't realize that I had a lengthy talk with them. My preceptor teased me later that she wasn't sure if I needed "rescuing" :). I just didn't want them to leave totally upset. Pain is one of those iffy areas for me. Maybe they'll come up with a blood test or something to diagnose the level of pain :). Maybe it will be easier to figure out if a patient is having legitimate pain. Then I don't have to second-guess myself whether or not a patient is really having as much as pain as they say they do. Maybe they would not have to manufacture fantastic stories or harm themselves even just so they can get their hands on strong pain meds.

Culture of Poverty

Race. Class. Gender. Aaahh, the formidable trio. I want to ponder on class today since we had a discussion this morning. It's interesting how one table can articulate part of your family's experiences. On possessions- we're happy to have each other. On money- to be used, spent. On food- quantity important; key question: did you have enough? On time- present most important, decisions made for moment based on feelings or survival. On destiny- believes in fate; cannot do much to mitigate chance. On driving force- survival, relationships, entertainment.

The reading goes on to say that one of the biggest difficulties in getting out of poverty is managing money. I've always teased my parents on why we've never got a handle on money. Maybe they are right, it is an unfair question. How can you manage something you've never had? I used to always ask why they had more children than they could comfortably raise and put through school. Again, probably a very unfair question. But I look at my brothers and sisters now and realize that everyone is so precious. My youngest sister just gives so much joy to everyone. I can't imagine my parents being happy without her. My youngest brother gives most of his income to my mom and that just totally warms her heart. It's been a financial struggle all the way but I don't think my parents would have it any other way. They would say, "No worries. We survive somehow." They will still not save money because there is nothing to save. There would still be no budget since their income is not steady. There will still be unexpected expenses. My heart will still break every time I get a plea to send more money on top of what I have budgeted for and I am unable to oblige. Am I supposed to cancel my vacation plans so I could have sent the extra money to them? At the end of the day, yes, I will still take that vacation. I would never want to have feelings of resentment. I don't really like the word "sacrifice". I prefer the term duty. I feel joy when I fulfill my duties. I do have to define for myself what my duties are. Once defined, whatever it takes to fulfill them, I will gladly do with love, joy and peace. If you are happy doing all the things you do, is it still considered a sacrifice? There is only one example of ultimate sacrifice. There would be nothing that I can do to even compare. My purpose is not to sacrifice. I'm here to accept my duties and fulfill them cheerfully.

Challenging the Process

The job interviewer asked me if I could change one thing about my college, what would it be? My gut answer was that I really loved my college experience and I would not change a thing. The second those words left my mouth, I knew that I would not get a second interview with that company. Oh well, I try to be authentic, I told myself. I was interviewing for a business consultant position that spring of my senior year. Consultants by definition are called upon to study a company, find areas that could use improvement, and then provide solutions.

I am not one of those people who naturally seeks ways to improve the system. If somebody points out a problem, that's the only time I try to think of solutions to the problem. I can't really come up with problems on my own. Is there such a thing as being too content? I alternate between admiration and curiosity for those who are always finding something wrong with the status quo. I do agree that there is always room for improvement. I do have empathy for other people's concerns. I am curious though, do you have to be personally discontented to challenge the process? Or is it enough that other people are? I don't know if I ever want to be discontented. I somehow equate that to being unhappy. And I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I would become unhappy :).

Other things come a little bit easier for me. Making connections... encouraging the heart...inspiring others.. modeling the way. But challenging the process, thinking outside the box, aaahh my Achilles' heel! ;)

First Baby

My preceptor got paged twice while we were in the middle of talking to a patient. The baby must be coming out soon! The hospital is just 3 miles from the office so we were there in about 5 minutes. My heart was pounding as we ran to the delivery room. I didn't really know what to expect. My mom delivered at home at least thrice and I can remember her yelling and screaming :). We got to the room and mom looked calm thanks to her epidural. It's her fifth child so she did not have any worries. It felt surreal as the baby's head started to come out as mom pushed as hard as she could. It was going on smoothly until the baby's shoulder got stuck. It seemed like an eternity to me. I could see the baby turning real blue. My preceptor then helped the delivering intern put pressure on mom's abdomen until finally the baby came out. Whew! I was afraid that something would go wrong. I was tense until the baby finally let out a loud cry. We left the room with baby on his mother's arms while his dad proudly looked on. We're going back tomorrow to circ him. His birth is probably one of those images that will stay with me for a long time. So that's the story of my first baby :).

The Princess Has Ugly Hair Color

So I got new highlights and hair color last Friday. I immediately suspected that the new color looks absolutely horrible on me. My friends noticed the color change but were too polite to let me know what they really thought of the new color. So for the last few days I've been trying to see if the color would grow on me. Finally tonight, the minister's wife, seeing me for the first time with the new color, whispered to me that I've got to do something about my hair. That's what I thought! I wished that somebody would have told me sooner ;). So I got one of these hair color stuff from the drugstore. Here's hoping that it would work. I'm supposed to be reading up on the differential diagnosis for the acute abdomen my patient had today. But here I am instead being vain trying on a new hair color. And I used to think that people who color their hair are so fake :).

Real Estate Markets

Of the nation's 40 biggest metros, which one has the most affordable housing?

Famous College T-shirts

My favorite college T-shirt was featured in the New York times recently.

Pisay the Movie

Ohmigosh! Has anyone seen this movie? I thought I heard rumors that a movie is being made but I lost track. I happened to just see an article on inquirer.net that it will be shown at the Toronto International Film Festival. Can someone get me a DVD copy whenever it comes out? I still remember the exhilaration upon finding out that I passed the entrance examinations. The trailer shows the school as I remember it-- front lobby, grandstand, soccer field, chemistry lab, dorm room. It's hard to forget our uniforms, dances, stargazing activities and best of all our camaraderie with one another. Here's a description of the movie.

Spring Break 1995

Edith, Glenda and I decided to spend Spring Break '95 in the Washington D.C. metro area. The parents of Glenda's boyfriend then had offered to host us. We also invited our 2 new friends from the class above us, seniors Toby and Jessica, to come along for the ride. Toby and I share the same birthday. I was turning 19 that week and Toby was turning 22. So we packed our bags, rented a van, and excitedly left Mount Holyoke for the nation's capital.

The nation's capital did not disappoint. We loved the Smithsonian. The Holocaust Museum moved us. We also went to Mount Vernon and Colonial Williamsburg. Edith also wanted to visit her friend who was then studying at the College of William and Mary.

I met up with Edith and Glenda in New York last December. Edith has been living in Ecuador. Her husband works at the Guayaquil U.S. consular office. She was just back in town to deliver her 2nd child. Edith mentioned then that her friend that we visited that Spring Break has been murdered. It was so sad to hear of a promising life so quickly extinguished. I remember him as being very smart and very committed to public service. Edith just sent me this link that a year since the murder, the case remains unsolved.

Happy Birthday Daddy!

My dad is probably my blog's #1 fan. So today on his 59th birthday, I am dedicating this post to him. I am told that everyday he checks if I have written something new. I think my dad gets very much amused by my silly stories, comparative sociological analysis and deep insights into the human psyche ;).

I'm sure that he is proud of where I am now, almost a decade and a half from the day he let me go to experience the world. I suspect though that a part of him longs to know the specifics of my journeys. Every little post then becomes a clue to the person I have become. Every story adds color to my past and present. With every sigh, he gets to share my yearnings for the future. I then become less of the "imaginary" daughter, I become more "real", a little bit closer each time.

I meant to write on Father's day that truly I could have not asked for a better father. I may not be "needy" in the usual ways, but I don't want my dad thinking that I don't need him. He doesn't need to worry about putting me through school nor making decisions for me. But part of what has given me courage during times of uncertainties is the implicit assurance that he will always be there for me no matter what.

I thank my dad for not giving my mom any reason for her not to be crazy in love with him after all this time. I thank him for being kind, logical, and selfless. Providing for seven children surely has not been easy for him. Through his blood, sweat, and tears, he made sure that we all got an education. I asked him earlier what he wants for his birthday. He said that he just wants us to remain as good children. With him as our role model, it should not be too hard to do :). Happy birthday, Daddy ko!

Occupational Hazard

I was seriously examining the cutest 5-day-old newborn today when he decided to relieve himself just as I was taking off his diaper. He did not get my face but he did wet my pants :). Welcome to outpatient Pediatrics!

Transformers

more than meets the eye.. autobots something something... decepticons.

i watched a lot of tv growing up. here are other favorite cartoons i still remember:

1. Superbook
2. Super Friends
3. Bugs Bunny
4. Richie Rich
5. Astro Boy
6. Mighty Man and Yukk
7. Smurfs
8. Popeye
9. Scooby Doo
10. Flintstones

Charmed

I might look back to this day and say that this was the day when forever started. It's probably highly unlikely but I thought I would at least mark this day with a short post. I know, I know, I'm such a hopeless case :). But a girl can still dream, right? ;). Here I go again daydreaming, as usual. Sorry, it's my nature, I can't help myself hehe.

Starting Over

You could say that I have a fertile imagination. I like to anticipate what will happen the next day, the next week, the next month and so forth. My imaginings are usually quite entertaining. But today, I thought maybe I should stop imagining things and just concentrate and enjoy the present. There is no guarantee that my imaginings will ever happen. But the present is here, the present is real. And I'm afraid that if I continue daydreaming my life away, I'm missing the present. So as I go off and enjoy the present moment, I'll have to say goodbye for now to you my very dearest blog readers. It's been great sharing myself with you all!

The Art of Directing

I just got assigned to be our locale's GEM NET (Global Expansion Media Network) representative. Life is hectic as it is but somebody needs to do the task so it's really hard for me to refuse. Here in the US, via satellite, we now get a 24-hour Iglesia ni Cristo TV channel. They need material to air so they have asked all congregations to submit videos. They are also planning to launch a MySpace-like video blog. So my new responsibilities include writing scripts for the videos of our activities, directing "talents" (newscasters/reporters), or even being the one in front of the camera. I also need to shoot videos of the brethren who would like to send videos for the video blog. The Church has provided the questions that needs to be answered. These are questions about faith and Christian life. The idea is that this can be another tool for us to share our faith. The only thing is I don't have a video camera nor do I know anything about video editing hehe. I'm sure I'll learn somehow :).

So, mom, you might see me on TV pretty soon! (One of my mom's dreams is to see one of her children/grandchildren on TV :). Before I left home, she told me to find a blond, blue-eyed boy to be sure that I'll have gorgeous children. The plan is that she'll then have them audition for Philippine TV ;).) Our strawberry picking activity is this Saturday. I'll write the script for our video tomorrow. I don't know if my mom remembers but I wrote a script in 5th grade. I wrote about a modern-day Nativity story. For some weird reason, I remember that the first line was "may bagyong namumuo sa gitnang Luzon" (a storm is brewing over Central Luzon). I remember my mom finding the script hilarious ( it doesn't take much to amuse either of us :)). In high school I wrote a script for a puppet play for an Asian history class. It was a flop. I think the script was so serious my classmates fell asleep :). When I was in Boston, our minister asked me to direct a children's play that he wrote. It was a hit! After college graduation, I moved to Philadelphia, he also happened to be the minister assigned there. He asked me again to direct the play with the kids there. We presented it on New Year's Eve and the parents really loved it. Philadelphia also hosted a Children's Theater Festival in 1999. Each of the 13 or so congregations in the district presented a Bible story. We got assigned the life of Apostle Paul . I was able to find a children's video where I based the script. We have a brother there with real directing experience who directed the play. We both worked together on finding the right auditorium. I oversaw the rehearsals, picked the background music, scouted for costume materials and coordinated with the seamstresses. The event was a huge success. With God's grace more than 1,000 brethren attended the event from all over the northern East Coast. Our little Apostle Paul was so talented . He even made some of the brethren cry with his song and monologue at the end. We designed him a reversible robe. One side was for he was still the mean apostle Paul (Saul). Then after he got called on the road to Damascus, he reversed his robe. It was a powerful scene. Oh yeah, at the time, I was working on my master's degree doing experiments on the chicken embryonic eye. We had an egg incubator. So for a market scene for the play, I let some of the eggs hatch, so we had real chicks running around during the performance! Sometimes I wonder if the 9 years between college and medical school was a waste of precious time. Then I remember all these fun things I got to do :).

Home improvements are hopefully starting this week. I have a very limited budget so I'll probably go real slow. I want to be able to invite people over so they can watch some of the church programs. I've cleared my living room. I've started tearing down the wallpaper. Hopefully painting will be done this week. I've hired one of my neighbors to help me out. I'll try to post some before and after pictures. I think tomorrow I'll go to Lowe's which is a hardware store to pick out some bathroom fixtures. The fun never ends :).

Good Morning!

It's 12:25 a.m. I just got home from a 6 hour shift at the ER after completing an 8-hour exam earlier. I have been up since 5 a.m.! I'm finally done with my Step I exam. I think it went ok so hopefully I passed :). I probably have enough adrenaline in me to stay up until 5 a.m. today but I still have a pediatric GI lecture and Spanish class tomorrow so I better sleep. Who said that life after Step I would be less hectic? Prioritize, prioritize, I tell myself ;).

Sob Stories

Sometimes I make up sob stories. These are true stories but they didn't really make me sob that much. I share the story maybe with a little touch of drama. For example, we have a Family Medicine rotation. To stay in Indianapolis you need to write a letter. I wrote one saying that my house got burglarized recently and I am "afraid" that if I leave for a month, I will get burglarized again. I got an Indianapolis spot! I'm not really afraid to be burglarized again. Maybe I should really be. So maybe my sob story is justified.

Procrastinating...

One of my high school classmates just posted this picture in our yahoogroups. From I-Jade, of the 24 of us who finished high school at Philippine Science, at least 9 of us went into medicine. George will be starting his fellowship in Sports Medicine at Univ of Michigan. Edsel is doing an Infectious Disease fellowship in Cleveland. Lia is now a practicing endocrinologist in Minnesota. I heard Jorge is now in Texas but I haven't talked to him yet so I don't know what he is up to.

I'll be starting my third year clerkships pretty soon. I got my top choice: Pediatric GI. Sweet! I should really be careful what I wish for. Lately, I seem to be getting what I want ;). No complaints here, of course :). During a mentoring dinner I co-organized, I talked briefly with our pediatric GI prof. I mentioned to her that I put down pediatric GI as my top choice. She said that she is actually the professor who will be "in service" that month. I don't know if that's the reason I got the spot. One of the other students in the rotation is probably one of the smartest women in our class. She started medical school at 17! I am really looking forward to the rotation. I am sure that I'll love the kids. I am also sure that I'll learn a lot and get to know interesting people.

Malasezzia furfur

Sorry if the name sounds scary. Sure I know this fungus causes tinea versicolor. We've seen pictures of patchy hypopigmentation in Derm class. In Micro and Path we've talked about its "meatballs and spaghetti" appearance. What I didn't know is that tinea versicolor = anan. One classmate asked me once, "Tinea versicolor is very common in the Philippines, right?" With a blank look I said, "Huh?" He explained that one of his ex-girlfriends is from the Philippines and she has these hypopigmented spots. I thought about it for a second and postulated that he must be talking about "anan". I didn't really know for sure. They always show big patches of hypopigmentation but I remember anan as little white spots. Today, I invited a friend to our Pathology review session. She's an OB/GYN but she still needs to take the boards to practice here. I just mentioned the term tinea versicolor and she said, "oh yeah, anan". She agreed that the picture they show in class is much more severe. I asked her if she can think of other Filipino names for diseases. She reassured me that most diagnoses is given in English. I guess it's good to know that sometimes an appendicitis is just an appendicitis :).

Papayas

I was talking with one of my favorite classmates, Kent, about papayas. He happens to not like them. I told him that there are two kinds of papaya plants: male and female. But I look it up on this site , there are actually three kinds. So if you're curious about papayas, check it out. Maybe Kent just needs to be introduced to the best papaya- the Philippine kind ;).

Feisty Girl

Disclaimer: Some names have been altered for confidentiality reasons ;).

She seems to have this uncanny ability to sense big egos simmering under otherwise amiable personas especially amongst the officers of the congregations she passes through. Sweet little innocent girl that she is somehow inevitably collides with one of them :). Throughout her journeys she must have encountered 4 such officers so certainly there is not a whole lot of them but they do exist, unfortunately. The first encounter was somewhat distressing and shocking. She did not grow up in an argumentative household. Her parents never argued to her mom's credit; her mother never once raising her tone of voice. She grew up having utmost respect to all of her elders especially Church officers. She expected them to be humble, caring and rational. So when she had that first argument with a deacon over a silly matter she felt somewhat guilty. Was she the one out of line? If there's anything that ticks off this girl, it is the inability of those with big egos to admit that they have made a mistake. A deaconess told her to be patient and let the offensive behavior go. She told her that it's God who placed them in these offices, God must still find something good in them so they remain in their duties. She completely agreed, later on finding that other brethren had issues with this particular deacon. She felt better knowing she is not the only one concerned about this deacon's behavior and character. Much much later this deacon, and big ego #2 would involuntarily step down from their duties. Big ego #3 eventually voluntarily stepped down from his duty as well.

So this is the story of big ego #4. Again the issue is really rather silly. They were in the officer's caucus last Thursday night. She had told the minister before the worship service that she's done with her classroom work so she can really be 100% involved with all the activities. In fact all day she's been thinking about the logistics of her proposed strawberry picking activity for the children. She called the farm in Starlight, Indiana and had asked for brochures. She outlined the other fun things that they can do there. She was really excited to share and promote the activity with the parents by talking to them personally. The minister asked her to start staying for the leadership caucus, she's supposed to stay every week but she had requested to be excused before because of school. So during the caucus, she talked about the planned activity with the other 4 attendees. Mr. Big Ego #4 is the Buklod president (the organization for the married brethren), he is in charge of the July 4th picnic. He wanted to make a poster to promote the picnic and he told her to make one for the strawberry picking. She said she doesn't want to do one, she'd much rather talk to the parents individually and give them brochures. The minister said that is fine. But Mr. Big Ego somehow took her refusal personally and questioned her right to say no. This really annoyed feisty girl. And when she gets annoyed she tends to speak in rapid fire English and to some Filipinos speaking in straight English can somehow come across as cold and arrogant. She was making the point that there are different ways that the activity can be promoted. If she doesn't want to do a poster that should be perfectly fine. She couldn't help but mention that she has a lengthy leadership experience on this sort of event planning from her previous congregations. This is one of the strengths given her, she knows how this can be successful, she's very good at this, thank you very much! The minister agreed with her that she doesn't have to do the poster if she doesn't want to but this did not sit well with Mr. Big Ego. He was so upset with this silly thing that he actually walked out of the meeting. And the ironic thing is the lesson that night was about humility and meekness. His brother who is one of the head deacons apologized to her. The minister said not to worry about him since he is having some personal issues. She said that somehow unwittingly her gloves come on when faced with irrational behavior.

But the gloves are officially retiring, feisty girl is getting too old for this. (Besides she always wins anyway by total knockout so it's no fun ;)). The mature question that she asks herself -- what is it exactly again that she is winning? The backstory on that brother is that he is newly baptized within the last 3 years. Maybe instead of saying an outright no she could have explained herself and said that she thinks the poster is a great idea but she is not the artistic type so she is not able to do this. Maybe when he started to get agitated, she should have taken the high road and said that she did not mean to upset him personally. It was just so tempting, his big ego seemed begging to be crushed. But the sad thing is, he and his family didn't come to the worship service today. No one is the enemy here. We're supposed to edify one another. We're supposed to be living stones being built up as a spiritual house. Some might say that feisty girl is just being used as an instrument to "reveal" (maghayag) proud hearts. She's not sure if she wants that. The reason she enjoys planning these sorts of activities is that they are good ways to enhance the love of the brotherhood. As she thinks about the love of the brotherhood, she'll leave you with quite possibly her favorite passage...

I Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Sayonara Second Year

It's official. I passed all my final exams! I'm now half a doctor hehe. Applause, please :). I was having dinner with some classmates yesterday. We were attending this informational session on residency programs offered by a local hospital. When people asked us what year we were, we weren't quite sure if we'd call ourselves second years or third years. So I finally said we're third years minus the BOARDS. Speaking of the boards, it's kinda hard for me to get motivated still. I pushed back my Step I test date to June 5 so it feels like I have a lot of time but really I don't. Tomorrow I think is the day hardcore studying begins :).

The police were here again. Some punks stole the license plate off of a car a friend has given me. I told my friend that my brother is coming so she just gave me her car that she's not using. It just needs new batteries to run. Sometimes I think that I don't deserve knowing too many nice people :). I just hope that I can be nice to others in return.

Saying "I Love Yous"

So I am sitting here in the library across a guy who apparently got a call from his sister. He ends the call by saying "I love you, sis!". I thought that was kinda sweet and funny at the same time. Our family doesn't really say these words that often. My mom recently started saying it more often to me over the phone. I sort of tease her about it so she eventually stopped. I don't know. Maybe it's just so obvious that we love each other that actually saying it in words is redundant? I guess it is nice to hear once in a while. But to be expected at the end of every phone call- I don't know about that. So I pose a question to my Filipino friends and family- is it just our family who doesn't say "I love yous" to each other that often? Or is it part of our culture that we're just not very verbal with our love for our families? I even tried to think about my past 3 romantic relationships how often I said "I love you" but I can't seem to remember or I have chosen to forget hehe. I do remember the first guy playing his guitar and singing More than Words by Extreme quite often.

A Boy (Girl) Story

Sometimes I imagine conversations in my head. I thought most people did this but a friend pointed out that she only does this for some phone conversations. So before she picks up the phone she rehearses what she would say in her head. As for me, for example, when I want to find out something from a guy, I think of how I would phrase the question. So when the opportunity presents itself, I know exactly what to say.

So for the last 5 months or so, I have stored in my head how I would ask something from this particular guy. I have thought about the direct approach for which I am infamous for ;). But the years have made me more classy and tactful hehe. So it came to me that maybe I should just ask about whether he has brought him to the Philippines. It seems that every time we get to chatting he asks me when was the last time I was home.

So today, I went to our cafeteria around 1:30 p.m. not even thinking about him. Actually, yesterday, I had dragged a classmate there thinking I would see him. He has said before that he eats there every Monday and Thursday. As most of you know, my brain turns into mush everytime I fall for somebody :). So I had deliberately avoided the cafeteria on those days so I would not see him hence not risk failing out of medical school. But yesterday since our final exams are over, I thought it might be safe to talk to him again :). So anyways, as I was paying for my food, I saw a guy in a white coat with that unmistakable walk and hair bounce walk by. I asked myself, "could it be him?". So I tried to find him so I can sit with him.

Sure enough he asked me when was the last time I was home. I must say, I am really psychic :). I asked him when he was planning to go home. Then, I went in for the million-dollar question. "Do you bring him to the Philippines?". For a second, I thought he was gonna choke, but he recovered quickly and said no. Then we talked about where my high school classmates are now doing their fellowships. One of them happens to be in the city where he did his residency and fellowship. So my second question, "Did you meet him in Ohio or here in Indiana?". First he said, here in Indiana then I guess he relaxed and said they actually met in Ohio. Then later on he asked me where I see myself in 10 years. I said, I should be married with 4 kids :). Then my last question, "Are you guys planning on adopting or something?". He said that they haven't talked much about it. (Ha! Closure at last!) After those three difficult questions, it felt like the conversation flowed much more smoothly. It felt like we've been friends for a long time. He even invited me to do research with him during my fourth year. Sometimes I wonder why most of my guy friends have girlfriends, married, or gay. How come it is hard for me to be friends with single guys? Maybe I am nicer to a guy once I know that there is zero possibility that I would fall for him? I should just be really nice to everybody :).

Mommy ko

I wanted to write something beautiful for my mom today but I think I am at a loss for words... I do want to say that I wish I can be with her in person today. We will hug in silence... She'll tell me again the story of the birth of the most beautiful baby girl ever... I'll tell her how fortunate I am to have her for a mom. We'll both giggle knowing fully well in our hearts that we just can't help but have so much love for each other :).

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy ko!

Approved!

My brother's H1B work visa just got approved! By the second day of filing for the upcoming USCIS fiscal year, there were about 150,000 work petitions already submitted. They can only approve 65,000 so they had to do a random selection. It was the same case for him last year. His petition was not selected so he had to wait another year. I'm glad that it all worked out. It's probably for the best that he is able to settle his affairs with his company in the Philippines before moving here. His start date is October 1st. It would really be nice to have family relatively close by for a change. He would be a traveling computer programmer so we don't know where his assignment will be. But he'll probably be here in Indianapolis for at least a couple of weeks before he starts working. I already told him to learn how to cook ;). I see a lot of sightseeing in our future! :)

In-dis-pen-sa-ble

One time, I was tagging along with my dad and I happen to overhear him talk to some brethren in our congregation. I must have been 10 or 11. My dad used to be a head deacon in the Church. The meeting of the deacons and deaconesses were at the same time as our children's choir practice. It must have been right after that when we went to the chapel caretaker's apartment. They were discussing that there were those who think that they do so much for the congregation that without them the congregation would not be able to go on. My dad said, "Wala namang indispensable sa Iglesia." (Nobody is indispensable inside the Church).

Our head deacon stepped down from his duty recently. I don't really know why and I did not ask. I just hope that a part of him did not think that the congregation cannot go on without him. I suspect that after a time of reflection he would resume his office shortly. Maybe nobody really can do all that he does, but for sure the other brethren will fill in. It was very heartwarming to see last Sunday how the other brethren came together to make sure the place of worship is ready. It was indeed a beautiful sight to see them making the preparations together in unity.

I was just thinking on the way to Church that day that no matter how almost weary I get, I would not quit from my duties. I pray hard for strength. There's a line from a poem, "rest if you must, but don't you quit". I have been late for choir practice assembly or choir drill three times in the last month. The minister had exhorted us that we should always be on time. I thought I was gonna be late again last Sunday, so I was already preparing in my head a request for a vacation. Maybe I do need some rest. But then I was thinking I don't really have an excuse to be late. I am single. I don't have a child to dress. I don't have a husband to cook breakfast for. All the other choir members are wives and mothers. They tell stories how they have to get up early, make sure their family's clothes are prepared, make sure the house is in order before they leave, and they get to the choir practice with time to spare! I think I just have a mutation in the punctuality gene (and the cooking and the cleaning genes..);).

Then as I was rushing to dress into my choir robe, being the clumsy person that I am, I dropped my stuff. But one of the sisters helped me gather my stuff and offered to carry my bag. It's always nice to know that at times that I feel almost weary there's always someone given to help me along. And I go on again cheerfully and faithfully for yet another day :).

Here's a part of a hymn we sang:

Bless my hope that it may never waver,
Bless my faith whatever befalls;
And within Your Church, my precious Savior,
Bless my love to overcome all.

Happy Month of May

May here in the US is not summer but spring. They have a saying that "April showers bring May flowers". My tulips are getting ready to bloom! May is synonymous with Mother's day and graduations. I am writing in my head a special post for my mom on that day. One time I woke up in the middle of the night trying to think of what I would write. I actually ended up crying hehe. I hope that I do get the words down in "paper", right here. I am appreciating my mom more and more as I think more about getting ready for big commitments like marriage and kids. I just need to get over my pesky Boards and I think I would be ready for blind dates, match. com, flirting, speed dating and all that good stuff you all tell me about :). (So, if you know of anyone to set up with me, if I don't get scared, I promise you, I would not say no yet again :)). It was a little bit difficult for me to write that bit of self-advertisement but 35 is just around the corner. I want to put down in paper and say in no uncertain terms that I will get married that year. Am I scaring you? :). I am just afraid that if I don't put it in my "to do" list, I might just forget. You can already surmise my introductory line, "Hi, I'm Myra and I want to get married in 4 years, and oh yeah, I would like to have 4 kids". I hope that you found that hilarious hehe. Probably a good way to scare all the guys away :). I did have a dream one time earlier this year that I got married. The funny thing was there was no rehearsal dinner or reception. The guy didn't know that he was to pay for all that. Apparently, it was a cross-cultural miscommunication :). Also in my dream, the best part, the wedding songs were not sung. I always cry at weddings when we sing the wedding songs. One goes "walk hand in hand with me, God is our destiny...". The other goes " this day has come, I've waited all my life, to stand with you and pledge to you undying love... we two become now one as man and wife, before the sight of God." Very romantic!

I got baptized on May 14, 1988. My mom had two dresses made for me, a red one and a beige one. Of course, I liked the red one better. But I told my mom that I would like to wear the red one during the worship service prior to the baptism and the beige one for the celebration afterwards. I just thought that it was fitting for me to wear the red dress prior to being immersed. Though my "sins are like scarlet", by grace they shall be "white as snow". I probably should have worn a white dress after but I don't look good in white so beige was close enough :).

Here are couple of pics from my MS Biology graduation from Purdue a couple of years ago. It took me 9 years after college to get the degree! Like I always say, better late than never..

Mount Makiling

I was studying a radiology lecture today. It said that the risk of mammography is equivalent among other things to 1/3 minute of mountain climbing. I remembered the first mountain I climbed way back during my senior year in high school. Our biology teachers organized the climb up Peak 2 of Mount Makiling. I went with a handful of schoolmates. I don't think I asked permission from my parents. They probably would not have allowed me to go. I think my parents saw me as very unathletic. During grade school, I pretty much stayed inside and read. My mom was really surprised when I showed her a picture of me my first year of high school almost winning a distance run competition.

So up we went, 3756 feet! I think it took us half a day to climb. We camped overnight at the summit. It was really cold but I was so excited that I could see my breath for the first time. I've always described the mountain as a tropical rainforest. I remember that it was rainy and there was a good variety of flora. But I looked it up today. The proper description seems to be that it is a "dipterocarp forest" and the summit is a "dwarf mossy forest" (whatever that means :)).

Belly Dancing (Queen)

I have always wanted to learn how to belly dance. Love the music... love the costume. My gym where I hardly go to offers classes periodically. So today I went on a mission to try to discover my inner Shakira ;). Unfortunately, it looks like even though my hips don't want to lie, they just don't have the natural ability to shimmy :). But it was a fun workout nonetheless. I might still come back next time. I might even get a belly ring ;). Just kidding!

My Fake Coach Bag

One of my friends love signature bags. I have never really cared for signature stuff since I can't really afford them. She said she was selling Coach bags for a really cheap price. I hate disappointing friends so whenever they sell me stuff it's hard for me to refuse. I figured that it's just a few dollars for the merchandise, I can never repay them back for all their kindness. So I paid $70 for a fake Coach bag. It's a cute bag. Whenever people compliment the bag, I always tell them it's just a knockoff. So it was one of the things the burglars took from my house. I didn't notice right away that it's missing since I'm not really attached to the bag.

So tonight, I was coming home after visiting a classmate's church. I saw Ms. D, a lady of the night who "walks" my street. I've known her since I moved in the neighborhood 3 years ago. I told her that someone broke into my house. She asked me what was taken. I told her that my old camera is gone along with my fake Coach bag. Also, they took my food, 1 CD, 1DVD, 2 bottles of shampoo, 1 bar of soap and 6 rolls of toilet paper. I think this is the final list of all the missing items :). She said that somebody was just selling her a bag. She said that she will go talk to them and try to retrieve my bag. So she came back a few minutes later with the bag. She said she paid them $10. I only had a $20 bill so I gave her that. I'm hoping that that's equivalent to one less man she has to sleep with. She said that she was going to look after my house. She also updated me that the house across which used to house maybe 10 people has been empty since last July. I have been oblivious all this time! The people who rented rooms there just used to sit out on the porch so nobody has ever messed with my house before.

So there are a couple of things I can remember from the speaker at my classmate's church. One is the word "reframing". It's basically turning every situation to a positive situation or looking at things in a positive light. My optimism is off the charts so I do this automatically without too much effort. Now I have a word for it :). Maybe I can use it when I try to remind people that the situation is really not that bad. He also had a Walmart story. He said that his dad lines up in the checkout lanes next to somebody who he thinks needs some cheering up. I think that that is an easy and worthwhile thing for me to do. I like talking to people. I might just try that whenever I am shopping :).

Yesterday, I attended a rock concert with a couple of my friends from school. Both of them were saying that they are dreading our Psychiatry rotation. They said that it would be so boring for them. I told them that it's funny that I just met a doctor who singled out Psychiatry as the area he liked the least. I sheepishly told my friends that I think I will enjoy Psychiatry :). As a matter of fact, Myers-Briggs said that the fields of Psychiatry, Family Medicine and Pediatrics will suit me best. I asked one of them what her Myers-Briggs profile is. I didn't really know her our first semester when we got our results. It was interesting to me that she is also my exact opposite like another friend who could not come last night. They are both ISTJs and I'm an ENFP. I told her that I didn't understand why I got along with them :). But maybe opposites do have affinity for each other. Maybe in friendships the differences are as important as the commonalities. Until here, I'll sign off for now and attempt some studying. Cheers!

Friendships

I am fascinated by friendships. I try to trace the origin of relationships. When and how did people meet? Did they go to the same school? Were they in the same small group? Do they have a common friend? Do they study in the same place? Are they part of the same school organization? I try to analyze why the friendship works. Do they share the same humor? Are they intellectually matched? What interests do they have in common? Which of their qualities complement? What's the gender distribution of their friends? What does it mean if a woman has more friends of the opposite gender? Is she less of a girlie girl (whatever that means :))? What does it mean if a guy has a lot of female friends? Does it mean that he's a flirt? Or is it more like he just has a general caring personality? Can you stay friends with a single ex who you obviously find attractive but just can't imagine spending the rest of your life with? How does it happen that one thinks there is more to the friendship but the other is oblivious? Should you remain friends with somebody who you suspect is attracted to you but you know you could not possibly date? Or the opposite scenario, do you stay friends with somebody you are attracted to, who couldn't care less about you that way? Why do some friendships remain platonic and others progress to something more? How different are people's definition of what a friendship is?

A friend once told me that she didn't have too many women friends at Church while growing up. She was one of 4 sisters, all beautiful and smart. She realized later that part of it is that she was content hanging out with her sisters. She didn't really see the need of branching out to make new friendships. Some people may also have felt intimidated by "the sisters" who seem to have it all. I told her that I never really had any problem finding my group of friends. For the most part, I was the "average" girl, average looks, average smarts, average boy magnetism ;). Nobody really had any reason to envy me. I am pretty much happy with myself so I never really had any reason to envy anybody. Also, since I have lived apart from my family, I learned to get along with most people. Somebody asked me if I get lonesome. My gut answer was I'm used to being alone. A more appropriate answer probably is that I have been blessed with such rich friendships. I may not be with my nuclear family but I have an extensive Church family who genuinely cares for me. Throughout my journeys I have met and kept fascinating friends. They have all helped me to grow, experience new things, hear different perspectives. So to borrow from a sitcom theme song, to all of you, "thank you for being a friend!" :)

Crime Scene

So the inevitable happened today. Somebody broke into my house. I left for school around 9:40 a.m., got home around 6:30 p.m. I saw broken glasses on my front porch and then noticed that the glass on my front window has been smashed. My door was unlocked and I saw drops of blood on the floor. I immediately went outside to talk to some of my neighbors to ask if they have noticed anything but they said they were at work. Funny how before they always ask me if they can do some work for me since they don't have jobs. They asked me if anything was taken. I said I don't think so since there is really nothing to take. I went back into my house. I saw my stethoscope is still here. My doctor's bag with all my diagnostic tools are still here. My digital camera is still here. Obviously, my computer is still here. My passport is still here. My clothes seem to be all here. And to play into the Filipina stereotype, yes all my shoes are still here :).

I did notice that my leftover Taco Bell from last night was eaten. The person must also have been thirsty since my liter of Coke is now half-empty. I also noticed that my 4 bowls of instant noodles which I keep as emergency food are all gone :). Now I feel bad for the person. It seems that he's really hungry. Unfortunately for him, I don't keep food in the house. I don't really go grocery shopping. There's only Chinese leftover in my tiny refrigerator. And the only reason I still had the instant noodles is because I did not like how they tasted.

I have called the police so they should be here shortly. I probably also need to call somebody to have the glass replaced. Maybe it is also prudent to sleep at a friend's house just in case they come back tonight. Today was really not the best time for them to break in. I was planning on an intimate night with my Pharmacology notes. Oh well, what can you do, life often throws you a curved ball. I just always think a new experience is always a good experience :). So don't worry for me. I am just thankful that at least I was not here when it happened. Maybe it is also time for me to reassess my living situation. I hope your day was better than mine. And it looks like I'll keep on blogging. Here I was thinking the next few weeks will be boring but I guess I really do not know what lies ahead. I can think my brains out on what the future will bring but really life as God intended it to be just happens. I do enjoy my journeys and thanks for sharing it with me by reading my blog :).

Oh yeah, I was really touched by a lunch talk I attended today. A guy who used to head the World Food program spoke. He really has such a passion in alleviating world hunger. He commended one doctor from our school who has labored for a successful HIV treatment/community development program in Western Kenya. He described him as being a doctor "for all the right reasons". Sometimes I forget what really called me into medicine. It was really nice to hear inspiring talks like this.

PDA

No, not that kind. I'd like to think that I am a warm and affectionate person but I'd really rather not hold hands in public :). I'm shopping for a personal digital assistant that we are required to have for our third year. I was just walking home with a classmate who I met during orientation. We instantly bonded since she also comes from a foreign country. She has this very lovely French accent. We just reminisced on that first day and we can't believe that we now just have a few days of classes left. Time really flew. So by the numbers... 11 days of classes and 1 exam before finals, 6 exams to pass in our 2-week finals and then 3-4 weeks of studying for the BOARDS!!! These next few weeks are going to be busy so I can't promise too many posts. Quick tip, I know that at least a couple of people have subscribed to my blog. I don't really know how they did it. I think one is through Bloglines. This way you don't have to check my blog daily, you can just be alerted whenever I have a new post. This way, you won't ever feel disappointed that I haven't posted something new :). I think the next few weeks will just be all about studying so I probably won't have anything interesting to share. Don't miss me too much!

Partnerships

I think I am more of a solo worker. My default tendency is to go at it alone. No expectations, no disappointments, everyone's happy. My dad used to say to me that "no man is an island". I never really understood what he meant then :). I just looked it up today and it said that human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. It's apparently a quote from John Donne. I first heard of him while watching Wit starring Emma Thompson on HBO. Incidentally, a portion of this film was shown to us in an ethics exercise last year. The professor said that she has shown a Star Trek episode for this exercise in years past. I would have enjoyed that as well :).

So it always amazes me when partnerships do work. Sometimes partners choose us, sometimes we choose our partners (though I can't recall ever choosing one). Sometimes the circumstances choose the partners for us. I think the key for me is that I need to know my own strengths and my partner's strengths. I need to be able to delegate things that I may not be good at and take charge of the things I do well. I need to know my partner's limitations so I can serve as the backup troubleshooter. I need to humbly acknowledge that other people can have more creative and novel ideas. I don't have that particular strength. But you can give me an idea that I agree with and I can run with it. The idea might not have originated from me but I can make that idea concrete. I like making sure that little details fall perfectly in place. So here's to partners that rock and successful projects accomplished :).

On Eloping (The Faith of our Spouses)

My dad eloped with my mom (with my maternal grandparents' permission, they quickly add!). My only married brother also eloped about 8 years ago. So I teased my brother last night, maybe he should also elope. His fiancee's baptism has been delayed because of some silly paperwork. He teased me if I would ever consider getting married outside the Church. I teased him back that my faith is "stronger". Of all my brothers and sisters, he is probably the only one who did not hold any office in the Church. The rest of us all sang in the children's choir. My sisters and I still hold duties in the Church. All my brothers do attend church actively. The extra X chromosome probably makes all the difference :).

My dad and my brother were expelled from the Church (II Corinthians 6:14). They were able to return after their wives got baptized. I guess my brother's fiancee is questioning why they can't just proceed with the wedding since they have already set the date. (I tell my brother that he is silly for setting the wedding date before the baptism!). After all, it looks like it is just so easy to return. I guess it is hard for him to explain to her what "holy fear" is in terms of transgressing God's commandments. Joining the Church for the purpose of marriage instead of fully understanding and believing the teachings is plain silly. My mom and my sister-in-law remains faithful. But for every happy ending like that there are countless spouses who have turned away. They have stopped making God as the center of their lives. We are taught that you should seek a spouse who would bring you closer to God. The corollary must be that for you to be a good spouse you should be able to bring the other person closer to God. The word synergy comes to mind, it is not simple arithmetic anymore. The two of you together becomes much better servants. To end, I wish my brother well. May his fiancee mature in faith. I wish them a blessed marriage, full of faith and understanding.