A Boy (Girl) Story

Sometimes I imagine conversations in my head. I thought most people did this but a friend pointed out that she only does this for some phone conversations. So before she picks up the phone she rehearses what she would say in her head. As for me, for example, when I want to find out something from a guy, I think of how I would phrase the question. So when the opportunity presents itself, I know exactly what to say.

So for the last 5 months or so, I have stored in my head how I would ask something from this particular guy. I have thought about the direct approach for which I am infamous for ;). But the years have made me more classy and tactful hehe. So it came to me that maybe I should just ask about whether he has brought him to the Philippines. It seems that every time we get to chatting he asks me when was the last time I was home.

So today, I went to our cafeteria around 1:30 p.m. not even thinking about him. Actually, yesterday, I had dragged a classmate there thinking I would see him. He has said before that he eats there every Monday and Thursday. As most of you know, my brain turns into mush everytime I fall for somebody :). So I had deliberately avoided the cafeteria on those days so I would not see him hence not risk failing out of medical school. But yesterday since our final exams are over, I thought it might be safe to talk to him again :). So anyways, as I was paying for my food, I saw a guy in a white coat with that unmistakable walk and hair bounce walk by. I asked myself, "could it be him?". So I tried to find him so I can sit with him.

Sure enough he asked me when was the last time I was home. I must say, I am really psychic :). I asked him when he was planning to go home. Then, I went in for the million-dollar question. "Do you bring him to the Philippines?". For a second, I thought he was gonna choke, but he recovered quickly and said no. Then we talked about where my high school classmates are now doing their fellowships. One of them happens to be in the city where he did his residency and fellowship. So my second question, "Did you meet him in Ohio or here in Indiana?". First he said, here in Indiana then I guess he relaxed and said they actually met in Ohio. Then later on he asked me where I see myself in 10 years. I said, I should be married with 4 kids :). Then my last question, "Are you guys planning on adopting or something?". He said that they haven't talked much about it. (Ha! Closure at last!) After those three difficult questions, it felt like the conversation flowed much more smoothly. It felt like we've been friends for a long time. He even invited me to do research with him during my fourth year. Sometimes I wonder why most of my guy friends have girlfriends, married, or gay. How come it is hard for me to be friends with single guys? Maybe I am nicer to a guy once I know that there is zero possibility that I would fall for him? I should just be really nice to everybody :).

Mommy ko

I wanted to write something beautiful for my mom today but I think I am at a loss for words... I do want to say that I wish I can be with her in person today. We will hug in silence... She'll tell me again the story of the birth of the most beautiful baby girl ever... I'll tell her how fortunate I am to have her for a mom. We'll both giggle knowing fully well in our hearts that we just can't help but have so much love for each other :).

Happy Mother's Day, Mommy ko!

Approved!

My brother's H1B work visa just got approved! By the second day of filing for the upcoming USCIS fiscal year, there were about 150,000 work petitions already submitted. They can only approve 65,000 so they had to do a random selection. It was the same case for him last year. His petition was not selected so he had to wait another year. I'm glad that it all worked out. It's probably for the best that he is able to settle his affairs with his company in the Philippines before moving here. His start date is October 1st. It would really be nice to have family relatively close by for a change. He would be a traveling computer programmer so we don't know where his assignment will be. But he'll probably be here in Indianapolis for at least a couple of weeks before he starts working. I already told him to learn how to cook ;). I see a lot of sightseeing in our future! :)

In-dis-pen-sa-ble

One time, I was tagging along with my dad and I happen to overhear him talk to some brethren in our congregation. I must have been 10 or 11. My dad used to be a head deacon in the Church. The meeting of the deacons and deaconesses were at the same time as our children's choir practice. It must have been right after that when we went to the chapel caretaker's apartment. They were discussing that there were those who think that they do so much for the congregation that without them the congregation would not be able to go on. My dad said, "Wala namang indispensable sa Iglesia." (Nobody is indispensable inside the Church).

Our head deacon stepped down from his duty recently. I don't really know why and I did not ask. I just hope that a part of him did not think that the congregation cannot go on without him. I suspect that after a time of reflection he would resume his office shortly. Maybe nobody really can do all that he does, but for sure the other brethren will fill in. It was very heartwarming to see last Sunday how the other brethren came together to make sure the place of worship is ready. It was indeed a beautiful sight to see them making the preparations together in unity.

I was just thinking on the way to Church that day that no matter how almost weary I get, I would not quit from my duties. I pray hard for strength. There's a line from a poem, "rest if you must, but don't you quit". I have been late for choir practice assembly or choir drill three times in the last month. The minister had exhorted us that we should always be on time. I thought I was gonna be late again last Sunday, so I was already preparing in my head a request for a vacation. Maybe I do need some rest. But then I was thinking I don't really have an excuse to be late. I am single. I don't have a child to dress. I don't have a husband to cook breakfast for. All the other choir members are wives and mothers. They tell stories how they have to get up early, make sure their family's clothes are prepared, make sure the house is in order before they leave, and they get to the choir practice with time to spare! I think I just have a mutation in the punctuality gene (and the cooking and the cleaning genes..);).

Then as I was rushing to dress into my choir robe, being the clumsy person that I am, I dropped my stuff. But one of the sisters helped me gather my stuff and offered to carry my bag. It's always nice to know that at times that I feel almost weary there's always someone given to help me along. And I go on again cheerfully and faithfully for yet another day :).

Here's a part of a hymn we sang:

Bless my hope that it may never waver,
Bless my faith whatever befalls;
And within Your Church, my precious Savior,
Bless my love to overcome all.

Happy Month of May

May here in the US is not summer but spring. They have a saying that "April showers bring May flowers". My tulips are getting ready to bloom! May is synonymous with Mother's day and graduations. I am writing in my head a special post for my mom on that day. One time I woke up in the middle of the night trying to think of what I would write. I actually ended up crying hehe. I hope that I do get the words down in "paper", right here. I am appreciating my mom more and more as I think more about getting ready for big commitments like marriage and kids. I just need to get over my pesky Boards and I think I would be ready for blind dates, match. com, flirting, speed dating and all that good stuff you all tell me about :). (So, if you know of anyone to set up with me, if I don't get scared, I promise you, I would not say no yet again :)). It was a little bit difficult for me to write that bit of self-advertisement but 35 is just around the corner. I want to put down in paper and say in no uncertain terms that I will get married that year. Am I scaring you? :). I am just afraid that if I don't put it in my "to do" list, I might just forget. You can already surmise my introductory line, "Hi, I'm Myra and I want to get married in 4 years, and oh yeah, I would like to have 4 kids". I hope that you found that hilarious hehe. Probably a good way to scare all the guys away :). I did have a dream one time earlier this year that I got married. The funny thing was there was no rehearsal dinner or reception. The guy didn't know that he was to pay for all that. Apparently, it was a cross-cultural miscommunication :). Also in my dream, the best part, the wedding songs were not sung. I always cry at weddings when we sing the wedding songs. One goes "walk hand in hand with me, God is our destiny...". The other goes " this day has come, I've waited all my life, to stand with you and pledge to you undying love... we two become now one as man and wife, before the sight of God." Very romantic!

I got baptized on May 14, 1988. My mom had two dresses made for me, a red one and a beige one. Of course, I liked the red one better. But I told my mom that I would like to wear the red one during the worship service prior to the baptism and the beige one for the celebration afterwards. I just thought that it was fitting for me to wear the red dress prior to being immersed. Though my "sins are like scarlet", by grace they shall be "white as snow". I probably should have worn a white dress after but I don't look good in white so beige was close enough :).

Here are couple of pics from my MS Biology graduation from Purdue a couple of years ago. It took me 9 years after college to get the degree! Like I always say, better late than never..

Mount Makiling

I was studying a radiology lecture today. It said that the risk of mammography is equivalent among other things to 1/3 minute of mountain climbing. I remembered the first mountain I climbed way back during my senior year in high school. Our biology teachers organized the climb up Peak 2 of Mount Makiling. I went with a handful of schoolmates. I don't think I asked permission from my parents. They probably would not have allowed me to go. I think my parents saw me as very unathletic. During grade school, I pretty much stayed inside and read. My mom was really surprised when I showed her a picture of me my first year of high school almost winning a distance run competition.

So up we went, 3756 feet! I think it took us half a day to climb. We camped overnight at the summit. It was really cold but I was so excited that I could see my breath for the first time. I've always described the mountain as a tropical rainforest. I remember that it was rainy and there was a good variety of flora. But I looked it up today. The proper description seems to be that it is a "dipterocarp forest" and the summit is a "dwarf mossy forest" (whatever that means :)).

Belly Dancing (Queen)

I have always wanted to learn how to belly dance. Love the music... love the costume. My gym where I hardly go to offers classes periodically. So today I went on a mission to try to discover my inner Shakira ;). Unfortunately, it looks like even though my hips don't want to lie, they just don't have the natural ability to shimmy :). But it was a fun workout nonetheless. I might still come back next time. I might even get a belly ring ;). Just kidding!

My Fake Coach Bag

One of my friends love signature bags. I have never really cared for signature stuff since I can't really afford them. She said she was selling Coach bags for a really cheap price. I hate disappointing friends so whenever they sell me stuff it's hard for me to refuse. I figured that it's just a few dollars for the merchandise, I can never repay them back for all their kindness. So I paid $70 for a fake Coach bag. It's a cute bag. Whenever people compliment the bag, I always tell them it's just a knockoff. So it was one of the things the burglars took from my house. I didn't notice right away that it's missing since I'm not really attached to the bag.

So tonight, I was coming home after visiting a classmate's church. I saw Ms. D, a lady of the night who "walks" my street. I've known her since I moved in the neighborhood 3 years ago. I told her that someone broke into my house. She asked me what was taken. I told her that my old camera is gone along with my fake Coach bag. Also, they took my food, 1 CD, 1DVD, 2 bottles of shampoo, 1 bar of soap and 6 rolls of toilet paper. I think this is the final list of all the missing items :). She said that somebody was just selling her a bag. She said that she will go talk to them and try to retrieve my bag. So she came back a few minutes later with the bag. She said she paid them $10. I only had a $20 bill so I gave her that. I'm hoping that that's equivalent to one less man she has to sleep with. She said that she was going to look after my house. She also updated me that the house across which used to house maybe 10 people has been empty since last July. I have been oblivious all this time! The people who rented rooms there just used to sit out on the porch so nobody has ever messed with my house before.

So there are a couple of things I can remember from the speaker at my classmate's church. One is the word "reframing". It's basically turning every situation to a positive situation or looking at things in a positive light. My optimism is off the charts so I do this automatically without too much effort. Now I have a word for it :). Maybe I can use it when I try to remind people that the situation is really not that bad. He also had a Walmart story. He said that his dad lines up in the checkout lanes next to somebody who he thinks needs some cheering up. I think that that is an easy and worthwhile thing for me to do. I like talking to people. I might just try that whenever I am shopping :).

Yesterday, I attended a rock concert with a couple of my friends from school. Both of them were saying that they are dreading our Psychiatry rotation. They said that it would be so boring for them. I told them that it's funny that I just met a doctor who singled out Psychiatry as the area he liked the least. I sheepishly told my friends that I think I will enjoy Psychiatry :). As a matter of fact, Myers-Briggs said that the fields of Psychiatry, Family Medicine and Pediatrics will suit me best. I asked one of them what her Myers-Briggs profile is. I didn't really know her our first semester when we got our results. It was interesting to me that she is also my exact opposite like another friend who could not come last night. They are both ISTJs and I'm an ENFP. I told her that I didn't understand why I got along with them :). But maybe opposites do have affinity for each other. Maybe in friendships the differences are as important as the commonalities. Until here, I'll sign off for now and attempt some studying. Cheers!

Friendships

I am fascinated by friendships. I try to trace the origin of relationships. When and how did people meet? Did they go to the same school? Were they in the same small group? Do they have a common friend? Do they study in the same place? Are they part of the same school organization? I try to analyze why the friendship works. Do they share the same humor? Are they intellectually matched? What interests do they have in common? Which of their qualities complement? What's the gender distribution of their friends? What does it mean if a woman has more friends of the opposite gender? Is she less of a girlie girl (whatever that means :))? What does it mean if a guy has a lot of female friends? Does it mean that he's a flirt? Or is it more like he just has a general caring personality? Can you stay friends with a single ex who you obviously find attractive but just can't imagine spending the rest of your life with? How does it happen that one thinks there is more to the friendship but the other is oblivious? Should you remain friends with somebody who you suspect is attracted to you but you know you could not possibly date? Or the opposite scenario, do you stay friends with somebody you are attracted to, who couldn't care less about you that way? Why do some friendships remain platonic and others progress to something more? How different are people's definition of what a friendship is?

A friend once told me that she didn't have too many women friends at Church while growing up. She was one of 4 sisters, all beautiful and smart. She realized later that part of it is that she was content hanging out with her sisters. She didn't really see the need of branching out to make new friendships. Some people may also have felt intimidated by "the sisters" who seem to have it all. I told her that I never really had any problem finding my group of friends. For the most part, I was the "average" girl, average looks, average smarts, average boy magnetism ;). Nobody really had any reason to envy me. I am pretty much happy with myself so I never really had any reason to envy anybody. Also, since I have lived apart from my family, I learned to get along with most people. Somebody asked me if I get lonesome. My gut answer was I'm used to being alone. A more appropriate answer probably is that I have been blessed with such rich friendships. I may not be with my nuclear family but I have an extensive Church family who genuinely cares for me. Throughout my journeys I have met and kept fascinating friends. They have all helped me to grow, experience new things, hear different perspectives. So to borrow from a sitcom theme song, to all of you, "thank you for being a friend!" :)

Crime Scene

So the inevitable happened today. Somebody broke into my house. I left for school around 9:40 a.m., got home around 6:30 p.m. I saw broken glasses on my front porch and then noticed that the glass on my front window has been smashed. My door was unlocked and I saw drops of blood on the floor. I immediately went outside to talk to some of my neighbors to ask if they have noticed anything but they said they were at work. Funny how before they always ask me if they can do some work for me since they don't have jobs. They asked me if anything was taken. I said I don't think so since there is really nothing to take. I went back into my house. I saw my stethoscope is still here. My doctor's bag with all my diagnostic tools are still here. My digital camera is still here. Obviously, my computer is still here. My passport is still here. My clothes seem to be all here. And to play into the Filipina stereotype, yes all my shoes are still here :).

I did notice that my leftover Taco Bell from last night was eaten. The person must also have been thirsty since my liter of Coke is now half-empty. I also noticed that my 4 bowls of instant noodles which I keep as emergency food are all gone :). Now I feel bad for the person. It seems that he's really hungry. Unfortunately for him, I don't keep food in the house. I don't really go grocery shopping. There's only Chinese leftover in my tiny refrigerator. And the only reason I still had the instant noodles is because I did not like how they tasted.

I have called the police so they should be here shortly. I probably also need to call somebody to have the glass replaced. Maybe it is also prudent to sleep at a friend's house just in case they come back tonight. Today was really not the best time for them to break in. I was planning on an intimate night with my Pharmacology notes. Oh well, what can you do, life often throws you a curved ball. I just always think a new experience is always a good experience :). So don't worry for me. I am just thankful that at least I was not here when it happened. Maybe it is also time for me to reassess my living situation. I hope your day was better than mine. And it looks like I'll keep on blogging. Here I was thinking the next few weeks will be boring but I guess I really do not know what lies ahead. I can think my brains out on what the future will bring but really life as God intended it to be just happens. I do enjoy my journeys and thanks for sharing it with me by reading my blog :).

Oh yeah, I was really touched by a lunch talk I attended today. A guy who used to head the World Food program spoke. He really has such a passion in alleviating world hunger. He commended one doctor from our school who has labored for a successful HIV treatment/community development program in Western Kenya. He described him as being a doctor "for all the right reasons". Sometimes I forget what really called me into medicine. It was really nice to hear inspiring talks like this.

PDA

No, not that kind. I'd like to think that I am a warm and affectionate person but I'd really rather not hold hands in public :). I'm shopping for a personal digital assistant that we are required to have for our third year. I was just walking home with a classmate who I met during orientation. We instantly bonded since she also comes from a foreign country. She has this very lovely French accent. We just reminisced on that first day and we can't believe that we now just have a few days of classes left. Time really flew. So by the numbers... 11 days of classes and 1 exam before finals, 6 exams to pass in our 2-week finals and then 3-4 weeks of studying for the BOARDS!!! These next few weeks are going to be busy so I can't promise too many posts. Quick tip, I know that at least a couple of people have subscribed to my blog. I don't really know how they did it. I think one is through Bloglines. This way you don't have to check my blog daily, you can just be alerted whenever I have a new post. This way, you won't ever feel disappointed that I haven't posted something new :). I think the next few weeks will just be all about studying so I probably won't have anything interesting to share. Don't miss me too much!

Partnerships

I think I am more of a solo worker. My default tendency is to go at it alone. No expectations, no disappointments, everyone's happy. My dad used to say to me that "no man is an island". I never really understood what he meant then :). I just looked it up today and it said that human beings do not thrive when isolated from others. It's apparently a quote from John Donne. I first heard of him while watching Wit starring Emma Thompson on HBO. Incidentally, a portion of this film was shown to us in an ethics exercise last year. The professor said that she has shown a Star Trek episode for this exercise in years past. I would have enjoyed that as well :).

So it always amazes me when partnerships do work. Sometimes partners choose us, sometimes we choose our partners (though I can't recall ever choosing one). Sometimes the circumstances choose the partners for us. I think the key for me is that I need to know my own strengths and my partner's strengths. I need to be able to delegate things that I may not be good at and take charge of the things I do well. I need to know my partner's limitations so I can serve as the backup troubleshooter. I need to humbly acknowledge that other people can have more creative and novel ideas. I don't have that particular strength. But you can give me an idea that I agree with and I can run with it. The idea might not have originated from me but I can make that idea concrete. I like making sure that little details fall perfectly in place. So here's to partners that rock and successful projects accomplished :).

On Eloping (The Faith of our Spouses)

My dad eloped with my mom (with my maternal grandparents' permission, they quickly add!). My only married brother also eloped about 8 years ago. So I teased my brother last night, maybe he should also elope. His fiancee's baptism has been delayed because of some silly paperwork. He teased me if I would ever consider getting married outside the Church. I teased him back that my faith is "stronger". Of all my brothers and sisters, he is probably the only one who did not hold any office in the Church. The rest of us all sang in the children's choir. My sisters and I still hold duties in the Church. All my brothers do attend church actively. The extra X chromosome probably makes all the difference :).

My dad and my brother were expelled from the Church (II Corinthians 6:14). They were able to return after their wives got baptized. I guess my brother's fiancee is questioning why they can't just proceed with the wedding since they have already set the date. (I tell my brother that he is silly for setting the wedding date before the baptism!). After all, it looks like it is just so easy to return. I guess it is hard for him to explain to her what "holy fear" is in terms of transgressing God's commandments. Joining the Church for the purpose of marriage instead of fully understanding and believing the teachings is plain silly. My mom and my sister-in-law remains faithful. But for every happy ending like that there are countless spouses who have turned away. They have stopped making God as the center of their lives. We are taught that you should seek a spouse who would bring you closer to God. The corollary must be that for you to be a good spouse you should be able to bring the other person closer to God. The word synergy comes to mind, it is not simple arithmetic anymore. The two of you together becomes much better servants. To end, I wish my brother well. May his fiancee mature in faith. I wish them a blessed marriage, full of faith and understanding.

Philanthropy

There is a picture of two brothers who died before their prime. One died while doing humanitarian work during the Rwanda refugee crisis. The other died before fulfilling his dreams of becoming a medical missionary. I remember thinking the first time I passed through that it must be nice for the privileged to have this "luxury" of carving a life fully devoted to service. I would surely be honored to have sons who have hearts like that. For some of us, it seems that just making sure the extended family's basic necessities are met would seem to comprise most of life's work. But maybe at the end of the day, we don't really need as much as we think we need. And there is really plenty of energy and resources left to pursue your passions as long as you are clear who you are trying to honor through your work. Maybe the most challenging part is just defining what gives you joy and where you can be most useful. I think I may be starting to form ideas what my ideal situation would be say 10 years from now. And I must say, the scenario in my head is markedly different from when I saw this picture my first semester of medical school. But first, let me study for my exams so I'll be sure to get there. :)

Mountains Beyond Mountains

For my birthday last week, a friend of mine sent this book by Tracy Kidder. I've been trying to get back to reading so this gift is really well appreciated :). The cover reads: the quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, a man who would cure the world. As I think about what things are truly important to me, this book promises to be really inspiring.

Love is All Around

I need to renew my passport. One requirement is to submit a copy of my birth certificate. As I search through my piles of paper, I came across a poem written by my first boyfriend K circa 1995/1996. As I was reading the poem, this song by Wet Wet Wet came on the radio. This was one of the songs he used to sing to me. It brought me back to bittersweet memories of my first love.

Here's the poem:

a poem to discard
(missing you)

lolling on a
midsummer bench
wet-painted with
sultry sun long overdue
on red brazen carpet
of molten cobblestones
like barefoot embers
where butterflies dance,
dance their dandelion game
of find the coolest gust
a bit of hide-in-shade
while the rulebook
spells only futility
lolling i squint at full bloom faces
colored like the sun,
and worshipper spirits
jumping skywards as
the very smiles perspire
in cloudless searing pastel
hot-drowned stillness,
thinking this was just
what happines meant
last winter.

He said he wrote this poem in downtown Stockholm. So what was the dealbreaker with K?
Early in the relationship he mentioned in passing that he did not really believe in God. It must have not registered in me. After all, how can one not possibly believe in God? Surely I thought, if I invite him to Church, he will eventually believe that there is a God. (His dad who was one of the leaders of the Communist Party of the Philippines is a political exile in Sweden.) He did start attending church but in the end he said that he did not see himself converting into my religion. Flashbacks of my dad's only relationship instruction to me when I left home: never date anybody who is not a member of our Church. I read somewhere that women always look for a lesson learned in a failed relationship. I think what I have learned from this one is that people believe what they believe in. There is no amount of love that can change someone's fundamental beliefs. Of course, you always pray for grace that the other person finds his own truth.

Put Your Records On

I just heard this on the radio. This is my song of the moment.

Put Your Records On
Corinne Bailey Rae

Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong,
but it's alright
And nothing seems to change,
and it all will stay the same.
Oh, don't you hesitate.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blue as the sky, sombre and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the road side,(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Gotta love that awful hairdo.

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead,
let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

You're gonna find yourself somewhere,
somehow.

Just more than I could take,
pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake,
I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise,
that you don't even have to try any longer.
Do what you want to.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Girl, put your records on,
tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans,
I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.

Oh, You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.

Blog Anniversary

I just realized a few seconds ago that today is actually my blog's one year anniversary! It's funny that I am once again in the library on this day procrastinating on studying. The big difference is I don't have a big test coming up next week. So I don't feel so bad sharing you a story. Like I said in my very first post, I thought of finally having a blog in the summer of 2005. Sometime in 2004, 2 of my high school classmates (Mel and Vero) started their own blogs. I thought it was really cool. My primary reason for having a blog is to share my journeys. I envisioned that I will try to visit all the houses of worship of the Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ) all over the world. I would then post pictures of the chapels and the brethren. With that in mind, in the summer of 2005 I bought a digital camera and planned on a cross-country trip before the beginning of medical school. I meant to write about the trip on my very first post but I didn't get around to blogging until February of last year. So here it is, better late than never (story of my life! ;))

Gypsy is one adjective my friends used to describe me since I moved around so much. I have been here in the US for about 14.5 years. I have lived in Massachusetts, California, New York, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky and Georgia. I was listed in the following Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ) congregations: Boston, MA; Redwood City, CA; Philadelphia, PA; Baltimore, MD; Dayton, OH; Indianapolis, IN; Louisville, KY; Portage, IN and North Atlanta, GA.

Here are some pictures from my 9-day cross-country trip from Indianapolis to California and back in the summer of 2005. I drove by myself with my trusty 2001 Ford Focus. I lost my cell phone on my trip to Seattle a few days before so I drove w/out one. I also do not have a clue how to change a tire. Not very ideal but nothing would have stopped me from taking the trip. I was just armed with the passion for travel and the faith that God will not let anything untoward happen to me. The stops I planned out along the way were places of worship. I figured if anything bad would happen, I have the Pasugo (God's message) magazine with the congregations' contact numbers, and I am sure one of the brethren would "rescue" me. So I was not worried.

Oopsy I am having technical difficulties, I can't seem to upload the pictures. Oh well, I'll try again sometime.

Spare Keys

You would think everyone should have them, but unfortunately I don't. Maybe it's the risk-taker in me. Ok, I will grant you that there's a touch of stupidity in not getting them. Why did I not duplicate my house keys? I don't really now. Maybe I thought there was no way that I would lose my keys because they were attached to my Kubotan. But my kubotan was confiscated at the airport way back in October. I meant to get another one but I just didn't get to it.

So yesterday I was at my friend Joe's house for the Superbowl (Indianapolis Colts, won!). He and his wife just got this hi-def 50-inch plasma TV. He invited our other friend Wei and her husband. He also wanted to invite Heidi but she was working. We were all classmates in the MS Biology program in IUPUI and we all eventually made it to medical school. I drove to Wei's house first and decided to carpool with her. Somewhere along the way, I lost my keys. Yes, all of them car, house, locker keys, etc.

Wei was so upset for me. But I think I'm always calm in the face of disaster. So, I told her not to worry. I think I might even like being face to face with disaster, specifically a new disaster. I think being face to face with the same disaster twice is not smart at all. But the first time, I think you learn a lot in many ways.

Fortunately, I did some rummaging through my stuff this past summer and found my duplicate car key. I set it on my dining table just exactly for when this sort of disaster might happen. It was under a pile of lots of paperwork but I knew it was somewhere in there. I also knew that my bedroom window is broken so you can actually open it from the outside. I always hope for the best and expect the worst. Although I did not get spare keys, I have sort of rehearsed in my head what I will do in case I get locked out. So I calmly asked Wei's husband to drive me to my house. I also borrowed a chair that I can climbed on to reach my window. He was so afraid that the neighbors will think that we are burglars. So, last night at about 11 pm, I actually had to break into my own house :).

I was hoping somebody in Wei's apartment might find my keys so I haven't changed my locks. I actually just left my kitchen door ajar this morning so I can get back in. I just hope there will be no surprises when I go home tonight. My house is freezing cold. I didn't even have hot water in my bath this morning. I think my pipes are frozen! I don't think an intruder will survive in there ;). I will probably change the locks tomorrow. I already planned out before this disaster happened that I will be studying in the library tonight until midnight. It's kinda hard for me to change my plans once I have set my mind. I was thinking of fixing the locks this Saturday but that might be too late so maybe I'll do it tomorrow. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to call a locksmith or if I can do it myself. But yeah, from now on I'll never be without spare keys!

Today's Recap

Just to give you an idea how a day goes for me...

7:45 AM I finally hear my alarm ringing. Take a shower, get ready for school

(what to wear? what to wear? my clothes seems to be disappearing. did i leave them at the laundry mat? :))

8:35 AM Out the door, into my car

(shoots, it snowed again. i forgot that i am out of windshield wiper fluid. i'm running late so i just have to drive with an icy windshield. :))

9:00 AM Lecture on Cardiac Arrhythmia

10:00 AM Lecture on Anti-arrhythmic drugs

(oh by the way, the professor tells us after all that, these things are not all that useful.)

11:00 AM More lecture about the heart, heart valves and infective endocarditis

12:00 Noon Free lunch! Sponsored by the Emergency Medicine student interest group.

(One of the best lunches I have ever attended. The professor presented 50 cases that have come in through the emergency room doors. Really cool!)

1:15 PM Prepared and mailed PB's job application

(I hope he learns to cook before he gets here!)

2:00 PM Check e-mail at the library. Made sure I officially passed my exams.

(I scored above the mean on my pulmonary medicine exam. Can put that in my very short list of specialties I might actually be good at, along with psychiatry and rheumatology :).)

3:00 PM Lecture on cardiac imaging

4:15 PM Met with Danielle to discuss logistics for the AMWA Spring Dinner

4:30 PM Back at the library, waited for almost half an hour for a first year who wants to buy AMWA glasses.

(I didn't think she was going to show up but she came in just as I was walking down the stairs).

5:00 PM Free dinner hosted by Med-Peds SIG.

6:00 PM Meeting for the Vagina Monologues

(I'm helping with getting sponsors for the school production.)

7:00 PM Yoga at NIFS

(I just love to stretch and stretch!)

8:30 PM Returned Glenda's call on the drive home, picked up washer fluid

9:00 PM Called home

9:30 PM Ironed white coat and white uniform for Sunday school

10:00 PM Organize notes

10:30 PM Browse through chapter on Peripheral Vascular System

(We see patients at the VA so we might see a number of diabetics tomorrow.)

11:00 PM Watch Sex and the City (I have no cable so just the PG version.)

11:30 PM Write this post

12:00 PM Get ready for bed, maybe catch a little bit of Leno or Letterman

Good night!

One Down!

We finished our first set of exams today. Thankfully, I think I passed them all. When it comes to academics, I have embraced the good enough or the passing grade. It would just take so much effort for me to remember all the details. I think as long as I know the major concepts I should be ok. The top 15-20% of our class get Honors. The next 30-40% get High Pass and the bottom 40% get Pass. I am definitely in the bottom 40%. And I think I am ok with that. From past experiences, I know that class rank does not really prevent you from doing what you want to do. My college grades spanned the whole alphabet. I got As, Bs, Cs and Ds :).

Having survived the first series of exams, I would like to revise the imagery of this semester. I think likening it to an abyss is a bit too negative :). It is more like a dimlit tunnel. There are 146 of us traversing this tunnel. We lost about 10% of our Indianapolis class in the last 3 semesters for various academic and personal reasons. In this tunnel, you meet a lot of interesting people. For the most part, everyone is excited about learning and eventually being able to help others. This is the last semester we are on the same schedule so we are still journeying on the same path. We pass milestones together. For example, we did our first pelvic exam on a standardized patient this month. We are focused on accomplishing the same tasks like passing the Boards in May or June. I think I am going to miss a number of people when we go our separate ways after this semester. We do get to meet new people as the other half of our class from other campuses join us for clinics.

Since right before every exam I try to focus, there's usually a long list of delayed tasks that I need to work on. Here's a partial list this time:

1) Send PB's job application for his working visa
(Hopefully, he'll be here this September!)
2) Call home/get details of brother's wedding planning
(I wonder what color my bridesmaid dress is..)
3) Return calls from Nu, Tala, and Glenda
(It's great that I have such low-maintenance friends :))
4) Complete business tax returns
(Such a pain..)
5) Send pictures of the children's field trip to Bro. Ross
(Long overdue!)
6) Schedule dentist appointment
(The appointments never end..)
7) Catch up on Cardiology
(The heart is my least favorite organ right now ;))
8) Get plane ticket to the Philippines/ mail passport renewal
(Home sweet home soon!)
9) Start looking at Qbank
(I really do have good intentions..)
10) Pluck my eyebrows
(Hmm, why? Apparently that's what girls do :))

To end, things are well for me here. I hope things are well for you all, too. Drop me a note sometime so I'll know what's happening with you. I'll try to post again tomorrow on what my schedule is on a typical day. Stay tuned. I heart you all! :)

The Retreat

Quite unexpectedly, in medical school, I find myself meeting and drawn to a number of people who profess faith in the Bible and our Lord Jesus Christ. Growing up in the Philippines, most people described themselves as Catholics or Protestants like Methodist, Baptist, etc. And of course we describe ourselves as Iglesia ni Cristos or members of the Church of Christ. Someone explained to me that "Christian" can refer to a denomination or it could mean that the church they belong to is non-denominational. And over the radio, I heard some people call themselves Catholic Christians. But a classmate I sit next to who is a devout Catholic said that that is a very rare combination. As Iglesia ni Cristos, we firmly believe that we are the "true Christians". We were not really encouraged to listen to any sort of religious instruction.

I remember in grade school we were supposed to leave the classroom whenever the nun comes for the religion class. But I guess, even at an early age, I was interested in what other people believed in. I remember distinctly that I stayed one day and the nun told the story of the prodigal son. The story of the prodigal son is the story of the prodigal son whichever you look at it so I did not see any harm in staying. Our school was next to a church so whenever it's breaktime and the American priest would happen to pass by, most children will run to the priest to be blessed. I didn't really care for the priest that way. I knew that the Catholic church is not the same church our Lord Jesus Christ established. I did like some of their hymns so sometimes I would sing along with them. Our house was just shouting distance from the church. I don't remember thinking much about salvation then. It's not like I went around and told everybody else that they are going to hell. I just reveled in the fact that I am child of God and I am so blessed to be a part of his chosen people.

In high school, we did not talk about religion much. Most of us lived in the dorms. We shared a room with 3 other people. One friend said that there is no point of talking about faith. We believe in different things and a discussion would just lead to arguments. So I just went about by merry way, attending worship services Thursdays and Sundays. Then I went to college in Massachusetts. There was no campus Christian activity whatsoever. There were all sorts of clubs except for a Christian club. Faith did not seem to enter in most of the conversations. I did find out that one of my classmates is "Christian". We were both doing an internship at the New England Medical Center in Boston then and we got to talking about faith and such. I just saw her last reunion. She is now working in this fabulous Christian health care center called Lawndale in Chicago. She still remembered that I went to Boston every weekend for Church. It was a 4 hour bus ride.

So I find myself now in the Midwest. It seems that family values are actually perceptively better preserved. In school we actually have an organization called Christian Medical and Dental Association. I attend the Women's Bible Study every week. Mostly to learn about other people's faith. In our church, we are big about inviting people to Bible studies and worship services. I figured if I understand where they are coming from it would be easier for me to extend an invitation to them.

So this past weekend, I attended a retreat with 4 wonderful first year students from the Women's Bible Study. It was just such a great thing to enjoy fellowship with them. We talked about school and faith. It was a luxury that is rarely available to us. One of the organizers of the retreat jokingly said that the IU people would get the reputation of being "non-participants". It's because at the end of the structured talks we ended up not mingling with other schools. We ended up just enjoying each other's company until way past midnight. We got back to our cabins and everybody else were asleep!

What was great about it too is that I was able to share some of beliefs of the Iglesia ni Cristo. I tried to explain why we believe that there must be one true Church. I think their reaction was that idea is impossible. They expect that they cannot possibly agree with all the teachings in their church and all denominations are just the same. At the very least, now, they know that there is a Church who believes that every teaching should have a Biblical basis. It should be possible that there is a Church that is doctrinally sound. Of course, with all humbleness and respect, we think we are that Church.

I also told them that we do not believe in the Trinity doctrine. We believe that there is only one God, he is a spirit with no flesh and bone. He is our Creator. He has no end and no beginning. Our Lord Jesus Christ is our Savior. He is a man in nature. He is the greatest and firstborn of all creations. He is not an ordinary man for he did not sin. We also worship Christ but not as equal to God. Our Almighty God is the Supreme Being who exalted Christ so that every knee should bow before him. But Christ himself would be subjected under God. I also asked them what would change for their faith if they think of God and Christ as distinct entities. One of them said that she's confused about the Trinity but it is to be expected because it is a "mystery". I may not have said it exactly but I was trying to say that the knowledge of the true God is important because that would lead to eternal life. Of course, I could not approximate the level of explanation a minister can offer to them. So hopefully, I can be like the Samaritan woman who said that she has heard the good news and instead of preaching the good news herself she invited the people to listen to the one who teaches.

I read some Christian blogs sometimes. It could be paralyzing. I marvel at the way they put their words together. They express their thoughts so well. So beautifully. So profoundly. They also talk about these great humanitarian acts they are doing. What do I have to say that could even compare? Then I read more carefully and then I realize that I can just write about simple truths that are so obvious to me and all the Iglesia ni Cristos. One particular blog mentioned that she was embarassed for Jesus who did not initally want to help this woman at first and quite possibly compared her to a dog. Embarassed for Jesus? Wow! Totally unthinkable. This story is in the book of Matthew. I would read it as another validation that our Lord Jesus Christ was not sent by God for everybody. God always sets apart His own and that is evident from the time there was a distinction between Seth and Cain.

At the retreat, the speaker introduced a "provocative" idea. Apparently to him, the idea that the main thing that God wants us to do is to glorify Him is a new revelation. Even my Sunday school kids probably already know that. If you ask them, what is the reason for our creation. They should be able to answer that we were created to honor and glorify God. It's just the way it is.

I feel I still have a lot to stay but I think it's time for me to sleep. Until next time then...

What's in a name?

You're probably wondering why I am writing so much. I just feel that I should write something before I sink into the abyss that is medical school, more specifically the last semester with the Boards looming over. You won't probably be hearing from me for a while. At least you shouldn't because as it is I am already behind one week in school :).

So I went to a retreat this past weekend. I will write about that next. I met two Esthers. They are both Koreans. Esther must be a common name for Koreans who describe themselves as Christians. I told both of them that my mom's name is Esther (her full name is actually Estrellita) and that I hardly meet any Esther in my age group. My dad's name, by the way, is Pastor. Not a few times I have been asked what my father's name is. I would say it and they would ask me for his first name. I would say Pastor is his first name not his title.

So on the drive back from Michigan, I started thinking of females I know personally who have Biblical names. For females I know Eve, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, Leah, Deborah, Miriam, Elizabeth, Priscilla, Mary, Maria, Magdalena, Ruth, Naomi, Keziah (one of Job's daughters), Martha among others. There are also the feminine forms like Jesusa, Danielle, Emmanuelle, Josephine, etc. I also know Faith, Charity, Hope, Joy, Grace, Love. There are also the gems like Ruby, Pearl, Gold. There are also names of places and one of which is my name in Acts 27:5. The city is now part of SW Turkey. It's definitely on my list of places to visit.

This morning as I was getting ready to leave camp to attend church in Detroit, the other girl who also woke up early asked me for my name. She then told me that her mom's name is also Myra. I told her that I hardly meet people here in the US who have the same name. I commented that it must be an older woman's name. She said that she did meet a 4-year-old Myra. The name must be regaining popularity :).
It was funny later on that the name of the minister's wife in the Detroit congregation is also Myra.

Growing up my parents told me that my name means "wonderful". So for the most part I just reveled in the fact that I have been named so aptly ;). In college, I met a Malaysian girl who told me that my middle name Tajan, means "to bear" in Malay. In Filipino, it means not to cry or stop crying. And of course my last name is Cruz which means cross. So if you put it all together my name means "wonderful to bear cross." I just hope that everyday I can live up to that :).

Shotgun Weddings

I got a call from a good friend in Philadelphia just a few minutes ago. She informed me that Armando got married last week. She was wondering if I knew about it. I still kept in touch occasionally with him even after I realized that I could not give up medical school for him. I remember calling him after failing my second Biochemistry exam sometime early November of my first year. Prior to that, I was thinking that I will just go through first year then drop out just to prove to myself that I could have been a doctor if I wanted to. I would just have happened to choose being a minister's wife because that's the more noble thing to do. But med school did not turn out to be a piece of cake. And I actually enjoyed learning. And at that point, I haven't even seen Armando for 2 years, who knows if I still liked him? There was also the nagging thought that there were only a couple of things I admired about him. One is that he is really dedicated to his duty. His ministry would be all that he would live for and he would always be content. I hardly meet people who are just always content with whatever they have or whatever they are doing. The other is that he is really good about making other people feel that he cares about them and their problems whether or not he does. Were those two qualities enough for me to spend the rest of my life with him? (I probably should also add that he is always on time and he loves to cook and clean. Also, my mom is going to kill me for this, but I thought he was a good kisser.) What about honesty, integrity, self-reliance, appreciativeness, sincerity, genuine good-heartedness? Only one thing was clear then, I was fixated on being a minister's wife at all cost. I somehow thought that if I marry a minister, that would validate that I am a "good girl". After all, all good girls marry ministers, right? It sounds all so incredulous now. But at one point, I must have fully believed that in my heart.

So that Novermber I told him that there's really no point of me hanging on to the relationship when I knew it could not be my priority at the moment. He also understood that being the firstborn in my family I had the obligation to support them financially. He used to say that he would send the official request to marry me as soon as he graduates. But he then realized a lot of factors were working against us. He said he would not send the request for me since he knew I will just say no. Besides he figured that I would have not been happy being a stay at home wife and mother just fully devoting my time to taking care of my family. He said that I would just have regrets. Plus, of course, he said his mom doesn't like me for him because "hindi niya ako kaya". That roughly translates to that I am too independent for her to control. Armando is 34 years old. It is such a shame that he puts so much stock to his mom's irrational thoughts. But in a way, I am glad that she feels that way. I would have been so laden with guilt if my pursuit of education would have been the only reason why I was not marrying him. I did ask him later, if I were to decide right then and there to pack up my bags and go would he have married me? He said no. It hurt a lot then but I am glad that he did say no. He essentially made the decision for the both of us. It is somehow comforting that I did not have to make the final decision.

So I told my friend in Philadelphia that I last spoke with him in October and at the time no date was set yet. He had requested permission from the Church administration to court the girl back in August. He just arrived in the congregation April 2006. He was resolute that he would marry soon. They are granted permission to marry upon graduation from ministry school. He just felt that it was time and there was no reason for delay. Apparently, he started talking to her in May. So, he only knew the girl for almost 4 months before he made the decision that she was the one he would marry. I asked him how did he know she was the one. Apparently the minister in his congregation encouraged him to marry this girl. Of course, I had to ask him if she was "better" than me? You know, I am just so full of myself. I cannot possibly believe that he could find a nicer,smarter, sweeter person than me so quickly. He said that he agrees but he was not necessarily looking for someone "better". He just wanted someone "good enough". And she happens to be so. And he did pray for guidance on this. He just felt that God has given her to him as an answer to his prayers. So, how can I argue with that? I guess to end this ranting, I must say that I am happy for them. I think love in whatever form is always a blessing. I am sure that God has brought them together because they are perfect for each other. So I wish them well..

Also, one of the other ex-bfs, (i dated him briefly after one of my breakups with Armando) called last week (yes, mom, the navy guy). I had to break up with him because I thought I still had feelings for Armando. Plus of course, our personalities just did not match. Apparently he went home to the Philippines last month for a vacation. He met this girl who he thought was madly in love with him. He married her within 4 days of meeting her! Of course, I had to ask again if she is "better" than me? I could really be so childish sometimes. Interestingly enough he said no but she was "puwede na" or good enough. So, I couldn't help but wonder (borrowed from a Carrie Bradshaw line), at what point do we settle for "good enough"?

You Wanted Pictures

Here goes some pictures from last December...


Multinational Women of Mount Holyoke
Glenda, Dallas, Tx; me, Philippines; Edith, El Salvador; Krysia, Peru
Upper West Side, New York City


With honorary nephew/little buddy James (Glenda's son)



With Glenda, Edith and their kids
American Museum of Natural History


Ladies who Lunch in Medical School
L-R Miranda, Samantha, Charlotte, Carrie ;)
(Christi, Molly, Wei, me)
Wei's birthday dinner, Maggiano's Indianapolis

Moms of St. Louis, Missouri Group Worship Service who kindly adopted me for the New Year's weekend


New Year's Eve 2006 with friends in St. Louis

Coffee?

I don't drink coffee. When I was young, my mom told me that coffee would only make me "nervous" and it would cause me to shake. I did try drinking coffee but I never developed a taste for it. I don't need coffee in the morning to wake me up, I don't need coffee at night to keep me awake. Besides, I don't think anything is so important that I have to pull an all-nighter for it.

So, I got an email from my mentor earlier today. We have a mentoring program at school between female students and women physicians. I am actually one of the coordinators of the program, so being that I am interested in pediatric radiology, I paired myself up with a pediatric radiologist. The subject line said "meet?". Hmmm, I thought to myself, I just shadowed her a couple of weeks ago why would we need to meet again. It turns out she copied a pediatric gastroenterologist in the e-mail. When I shadowed her she mentioned that she knows of this Filipino doctor and I should definitely get to know him. I said that I haven't really met all the Filipino doctors at school but would certainly be interested in meeting all of them in the future. So we tried paging the doctor but he didn't answer the page so she figured he must be on vacation.

She also emailed me last week encouraging me to do radiology research over the summer. Now, she's saying in the email that she thinks we should collaborate with this Filipino doctor. So, I also got copied on his response to her and he gave his pager number. I sent an email to both of them saying that I am looking forward to working with both of them. Then I got another email from my mentor saying that she thinks maybe I should "meet him for coffee just because he is a nice and young faculty (on your own...)".

Hmm, I thought to myself, could she be playing matchmaker ;). (I translated her email via my twisted hopelessly romantic head to read as: he's single and available.) But then I thought that would be silly. There must be all sorts of rules about faculty dating students. Besides, he is probably married with kids. My imagination surely runs wild sometimes haha.

But I figured, sure I should ask him to meet for coffee sometime. So, I paged him. He called right back. But all the while I was talking to him, I was thinking why should I ask him to meet for coffee when I don't even drink coffee. Then I thought maybe lunch but then it's always crowded at the cafeteria during lunch. Dinner? Well, dinner is a bit much. Why does this feel that I am about to ask him out on a date or something? I'd rather be dead than ask a boy out :). So, in short I didn't have the nerve to ask him to meet for coffee. I was kinda nervous talking to him. I was not really paying attention since these questions were running through my head. He was trying to explain his interest in the short gut syndrome. For the life of me, I couldn't say something intelligent about this syndrome. It must be the syndrome where the gut is short, haha. Then he asked me what's my plan, I guess that's the part where I was supposed to ask if he would like to meet for coffee sometime to continue the discussion. I just said that I don't have a plan. I said something lame like I didn't even know I'm supposed to do research. He said he will talk to my mentor and discuss possibilities. He said that I should definitely keep in touch. He also asked earlier where I live. I probably should have asked him where he (and his family) lives so I would have found out if he's married or not. But I did find out when he graduated from medical school so I have a rough idea of how old he is. But anyways, I just can't believe that at my age I have difficulty asking someone out for friendly coffee. I guess I am just an old-fashioned sixteen year old girl at heart! :)

Passing Out

A funny thing happened to me the other day. Last Thursday, to be exact. It was the day before the start of our final exams. For a few weeks now I have been excited about life in general. I was excited about studying and getting through this semester. I was excited about the new people I have met. I was excited about friendships deepened and renewed. I was excited about trying to learn how to cook. I was excited about traveling to New York City. I was excited about the yearend Thanksgiving worship service. I was really excited about life in general!

Just to give you a snapshot of just the week leading up to Thursday. The previous Thursday, our class had a field trip to the Indiana Medical History museum. Our neuroanatomy class finished early so I asked my friend Joe if he wanted to have lunch at the cafeteria. Typically, on Thursdays I attend a Bible study session at school but that day I decided to skip. They were having a Christmas party and we members of the Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ) do not celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ the same way other people do. (I'll probably post regarding this subject one of these days). So I got my food from McDonald's and Joe suggested that I go ahead and look for seats. As I was looking for vacant seats, guess who I saw eating by himself? Yep, our very handsome Rheumatology prof who I strongly suspect is gay. But for that moment, I temporarily suspended this bit of info and just enjoyed the opportunity to have lunch with him. Then Friday was my trip to New York City. Spent the night at a friend's place in Times Square. The city is just so alive even at 2 in the morning. The next day I met with some college friends and their families. We took the kids to the Museum of Natural History. We also walked around the Rockefeller Center. Then back again to Indianapolis. The next week was our devotional prayer for Thanksgiving worship service so I would go to school, attend classes, go to the library until about 5:30 p.m., go home and then head to the devotional prayer.

So to make the long story short, Thursday night, I was feeling calm. I was even commenting to myself that this is great. I was not at all stressed out for the finals. I was not tired or anxious. Then during the officer's prayer for the worship service, my back started to ache, my left eye started twitching followed by my right eye. I sat down in the middle of the prayer hoping the feeling will go away. When the choir started the processional, I was debating whether to follow. In the end, I did. Apparently, I lost consciousness after that. But the funny thing is they said that I walked at least 20 steps until I finally fell on the Christmas tree. There was a covered-up tree in the hall we are renting for the worship service. It was my very first time passing out. But all is well with me now. I have finished my Pathology and Neuroanatomy exams. I just have two more exams and this semester will be no more. And yes, I am taking things a little bit slower, talking slower, walking slower, driving slower, taking on less responsibilities. I finally have an excuse for not being on the go all the time. My body would just not tolerate a fast-paced life ;).

Quick Hello!

Here's just a quick hello to my few but faithful readers :). I wish that you would all leave a comment or two so I know that you like hearing from me. Maybe I'll be more inspired to write. Speaking of being inspired, the Gap is selling this red T-shirt with the word INSPI(RED). It's really cute, for a good cause plus red is my favorite color. Maybe, I'll get a shirt one of these days. Or if you are thinking of buying me a present... (hint! hint! ;)) So, what's up with me? I'm here again in our library on a Friday night. Alas, no date except for Mr. Robbins (our Pathology text)! We'll be done with the semester in just 19 days. I'm trying my best to fill my head with endless details. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with all the material. But I just remind myself that I don't have to know everything right now.

There's something about the 1st day of the month that always puts me on a good mood. Could it be the promise of new beginnings? Could it be the satisfaction of having lived another month well?

I'm sure you also want to hear about my "boy stories". Sorry, I have nothing but bad news to deliver in this department :). I met this cute professor who happened to be born and raised in the Philippines. But unfortunately, I strongly suspect that he is gay. I think I have also mentioned before that I have a crush on one of my classmates. I knew he had a girlfriend last schoolyear. I subsequently learned that they already broke up. But I just learned the other day that he had another girlfriend over the summer. I guess that means, he is not interested in me at all.
Oh well, I must have just imagined that we had some sort of connection.

That's it for now. I need to hit the books again!

October Glamor Nights

Northern Midwest Musical GEM- Chicago, IL Oct. 14, 2006



With the District Minister, Bro. Raniel and sisters from Milwaukee

With friend Geremay




Regina's Wedding Day- Castaway, Burbank, CA, October 21, 2006



PSHS Batch 1992 - [L to R: Monette, Veronica, Ezra, Melissa, Faye (Choy's wife) and me]





Single gals unite!





With lovely couple Choy and Faye






With the bride


With the bride and groom

September pics

9/3/2006 Wyndham Hotel- Schaumburg, IL
Still waiting for the one to teach me how to swim :).



9/4/2006 Sack race-Team Indianapolis (Round Lake Beach, IL)



9/11/2006 Viand Bar and Kitchen - Magnificent Mile, Chicago
Mini-reunion with high school classmates Mich Z. and George P.

Pity Party is Over

This post is for my family and friends who might be worried that I am still sad. I have been praying a lot lately asking for guidance on how I can better manage my emotions. (Incidentally, we had a whole lecture in Psychiatry class about defense mechanisms!). I think I am ok now. It started last night, we had an online exam to take this weekend. I was fully expecting to fail on first try (we have 2 chances of passing). I have only studied one week of 3 weeks of lecture. But thankfully, I passed. So instead of stressing about retaking and studying for the test on this fine Sunday afternoon, I am posting here once again :). I still have to study the other 2 weeks eventually but being the procrastinator that I am, I will gladly delay that task. I went to bed happy that despite all the grief going through my head I have managed to still learn my neuroanatomy. I even wondered that maybe all this emotional turmoil is helping me retain the material hehe.

Then I woke up early. Very not typical for me on a Sunday morning. I even had time to straighten my hair. Drove to church for the 10:00 AM service. We have choir practice right before the worship service. The hymns sounded more special than ever. One chorus goes - " O to be near the Father I adore, And to hear the love in his voice, Will end my heartaches and my tears; And forever more I will rejoice."
After performing in the adult worship service, I then changed into my white uniform for the Children's Worship Service. The lesson was about the time our Lord Jesus Christ sent his eleven disciples to make disciples of people everywhere, after his resurrection, before he ascended to heaven. I felt very energized. We had lots of children attending from as far away as Kentucky. The children recited verses after the service. I also congratulated those who participated and won medals in the districtwide Family Olympics held in Round Lake Beach, IL (1 hour north of Chicago) last Labor Day.

After the service, we had a meeting for all Binhi/Kadiwa members. These are the organizations for the unmarried baptized members of the Church. Being the Kadiwa President, I enumerated to the attendees our planned activities for the next few months. We are planning to go to GreatTimes where they have miniature golf, go-karts and games. We will also go bowling and ice skating.

After the meeting, I went to my car and took out my doctoring instruments. I practiced taking blood pressure on several people at Church. It was really fun knowing that I am acquiring new skills. I then realized God has placed me exactly where I need to be. I may not be married to a minister but that does not mean I cannot accomplish my missions in life. One of which is to be a blessing to other people. The other could be to say something funny at least once a day :). So there, I am appreciating the good things I have in life, knowing that I am making a contribution. And yes, daydreaming sometimes hope against hope that there may still be a minister out there for me when I am ready :).

Crying in Public

I didn't realize that I was in so much pain until I cried in public today. I have joined a noon time Bible study group at school. We read a couple of passages today. One of which is Proverbs 31:10-31. The one about the characteristics of a good wife. God knows how I so want to be a great wife and mother. I also want to be a great doctor. I had an 8-year on-again, off-again relationship with A. I thought he was the one. I was looking forward to being a great minister's wife. With the stresses of my first year in medical school plus the burden of a long distance relationship, I lost faith that things could work out between us. After all, there was no certainty that in case we would get married that I can still continue to be in medical school and work afterwards. Typically the ministers' wives do not work. There are some who do so there is a small possibility that something can be worked out. Long distance marriages are also not common. My medical school is here in Indianapolis and he is in Calamba, Laguna. I have heard of ministers in some Asian countries and the Middle East who do not bring their wives with them. So in theory, there's also a slim chance that a long-distance marriage while I am in medical school can be worked out. But again the possibility is very slim.

I thought I was over him. He had said some hurtful things in the past, the last of which was in June. I had the willpower not to call him for about 2.5 months. He told me way back in June that he thinks he might be falling for someone else in the congregation where he was assigned right after his graduation last March. When I spoke to him the other day, he said he thinks that she might be the one he would marry. I thought it was so unfair. For 8 years, it took a lot of effort from me to make the relationship work. Now, he meets this girl for 4-5 months and he's ready to marry her? My first instinct is to fight, fight, fight! I have worked so hard to make the relationship work. But maybe that is a red flag. I should not have to work hard for a relationship to work. If it is meant to be, it is meant to be. I think this is my insecurity in life. I am afraid that I will end up marrying somebody that I am not passionately in love with. Is it better to be with someone you love or to be with someone who deserves your love? I know God has a special plan for me. I look back in the past 8 years and the "bad times" in the relationship have actually led me to this day, one day closer to becoming a doctor. If things were always so rosy between us, I would have not have left Philadelphia where we met. I really feel privileged to be in this path of being able to help others in their suffering. I just need to not dwell in the state of my relationships or the lack thereof.

Anyways, at the end of the Bible study, we had some prayer requests. And I requested that may God show me the right path to sort through this rough emotions. One of my classmates prayed for me. It's typical for people at Church to shed a tear or two during heartfelt prayers since everybody's eyes are close anyways. I don't think everybody's eyes were closed during the Bible study so it was slightly embarassing for me to show emotions. But I could not help that the silent tears just kept coming. I don't know what the tears were really for, for losing an idealized imperfect love, for the fear of not loving again or for the guilt that I lack faith that God will provide for all my needs?

First Couple of Days

I just finished Day 2 of my sophomore year in medical school. It's great to be back. I was a little anxious last week of the amount of work that lie ahead. But slowly but surely, I am back to my carefree ways. I figured if I have made it this far, the next year should be manageable. :)

I am trying something new this semester. I am totally focusing on schoolwork! Since my senior year in high school about 15 years ago, I have worked while being in school. It's great not to have to work this time around.

I am also excited that I get to know more classmates in depth this year. I still hang out with close friends from last year. It's nice to get to know them even more. I also get to meet other classmates through school activities. I love meeting new people and connecting with them. Almost always there's something about them that inspires me. More often than not, they are sweet, caring and fun. They truly make medical school more enjoyable.

Castaway Ending

I just caught the last few minutes of the ending of this Tom Hanks movie.
"Who knows what the tide could bring?", he rhetorically asked. I echo his hopefulness as I am about to begin my second year in medical school.

I remember last year we took the Myers-Briggs test as a tool to enhance our self-awareness. I'm the ENFP type, otherwise categorized as "most optimistic".
What's your type?

Ghetto Life

Yep. I live in the ghetto. By choice, really. It gives me satisfaction that I own my little house. I currently don't have to worry about mortgage nor rent. I sold half of my duplex house to an old friend. So, essentially I live in a one-bedroom house (more like an apartment) about 600 square feet in area plus basement. The space is plenty for me as I hardly own much plus I rarely entertain guests. I did not grow up in an "entertaining" house, we're more accustomed to being guests rather than hosts. I have lived here for more than a couple of years now. There has been no major incidents so far in terms of threats to my personal safety. There are the occasional annoyances: stolen burning car next door, stolen outgoing mail, stolen center caps of my hubcap, and most recently shredded car antenna. No big deal, really.

So what has inspired me to write about my neighborhood? Today, I was playing hookie from work. Or I should say, I'm working from home :). So, I decided to walk over to the bank as I usually do. I typically don't carry my purse around just by common sense. I just bring the check I need to deposit plus my photo ID. The bank as well as the grocery store is just a short walk from the alley behind my house. I then noticed a couple of police cars at the bank's parking lot. Inside the bank, I saw the officers talking to an old lady. It turns out that she was robbed in broad daylight a few minutes before I got to the bank! The bank tellers were saying that it was the 5th robbery in front of the bank in the last 3 months (not even counting actual robberies inside the bank). They told me to be careful. I told them that I need not worry since I typically don't have any money on me.

So, I walked back home and I see this car parked behind my neighbor's house. I just know that new neighbors had recently moved in. The woman in the car said hello. So I chirpily responded to the woman and the man with her, "Oh, are you my new neighbors?". She said no and that they were just looking at the house. I asked if the house was for sale. She said no. And then it hit me that she must be one of the "pretty women" plying my neighborhood.

So, that's a slice of my life here in the 'hood. I don't mind living here at all. It certainly makes for colorful stories. :)

Best Dad in the World

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

It's my dad's 58th birthday today. I used to think of my dad as the anti-romantic hero. No flowers to my mom ever. No chocolates. No sweet nothings. But throughout the years I have appreciated him more and more. :) His devotion to family is matchless! He is God-fearing, selfless, hardworking, loyal, faithful, and loving. What could be more romantic than all of that and more combined?

Bridesmaid Dresses

I am scouting for good tickets to California for a friend's wedding in October.
I am really happy for her that she found her "the one". As I think about weddings, I count the number of times I have been a bridesmaid. Six times! Here are a couple of pictures.



Channeling Marilyn in Bloomington, Indiana (July 2005)



Wedding by a Seattle beach (June 2005)

Sixth Grade

I went back to my old school for sixth grade. I'm standing third from left, again right next to my good friend from grade school, Rosalyn (2nd from left).

My grandmother in my father's side died when I was in sixth grade. We attended her funeral in Bulacan. From my home province of Bataan, our family traveled by jeepney to pay our respects. I did not really know her that well. From what I hear, we could have a lot of similarities. She was a very independent woman. Her faith was central to her life. I guess that's part of the reason I am writing my memoirs here in my blog. Maybe my future grandchildren and greatgrandchildren will be able to read this and through my stories understand themselves better.

Happy Birthday, Wewe!

My brother Vincent (nicknamed Wewe) celebrates his 29th birthday today. My youngest sister Viva affectionately calls him Kuya (Big Brother) Attorney. He passed the bar exam in 2003. His girlfriend also passed the bar recently so wedding bells for them might be ringing sooner than later. My dad always jokes around that he is a frustrated lawyer. He is really proud that we have a lawyer in the family.

When we were about 8 and 9, Wewe and I used to quiz each other about capitals of different countries. We had these 2-volume Grolier's Encyclopedia/Dictionary where we got our information. When we got done with the capitals, we combed the dictionary for entries on U.S. Presidents. I don't know why we were interested in learning them in chronological order.

Statistically Speaking

For all those so inclined...

http://www.guzer.com/animations/100_people.php

Fifth Grade

My dad lost his job at the bank a few months before my fifth grade. We couldn't afford the house payments so we moved from our lower middle class existence in the village to our old house in the town proper of Mariveles, Bataan. My mom's parents had given us this house built on rented land. The landowner apparently did not want to sell off the land. So, in theory we could have been evicted at any point. My mom felt guilty when one day the landowner fell off the roof of his house. She wasn't sure whether she's partly to blame for thinking that the landowner was very mean.

I guess my parents could not afford to send me to private school that year so I attended the local public school. It was a totally different experience. The new school is really huge. There was at least 8 sections of 30 students in my grade.
I did not have problems at all fitting in at the new school. I even learned a very important lesson that year. That it is no big deal to "fail". I have gotten top academic honors the 2 prior years at the old school. It was a shock to me that at the end of the fifth grade, I only finished second. I was still number one academically but somehow the overall marks also depended on "character". It was not clear to me that I was assigned to clean the windows. Since apparently I did not clean the windows, I did not get a good grade for "character". That was the last year they graded "character" that way. We grew up mostly having household help so up to this day you still can't expect me to volunteer for household chores :).

Grades 3 and 4

Apparently, we don't have a copy of the third grade pic, so I'm jumping to 4th grade. Can you guess which one is me? I'm standing at the third row, second from right.

The classmate to my left was B. I'm not sure if he was also in our third grade class. He had seizures so ever so often we would witness one of his episodes. It was very sad. The class would be quiet as the teacher places a spoon in his mouth to prevent him from biting his tongue. I think he passed away when we were just in high school. I was already studying in the city then so I was not able to go to his funeral.

Grade 2

I'm the 5th one from the right, with bangs and shoulder-length hair.

Hmmm what do I remember from 2nd grade? I remember learning the musical multiplication table. I remember playing Monopoly at a classmate's house. I had fun there and I was so impressed that they had an ice cream maker. Anybody else remembering anything from second grade?

First Grade

Thanks to my grade school classmates for scanning and posting this class picture. I don't even remember having a copy of this picture. I'm sitting at the second row, far left, the one with chubby cheeks and long bangs.

I can't say I remember much from the first grade. I just remember being in kindergarten one day and then the next day I was transferred to first grade. I still know all my teachers from the picture. They were still teaching at Mt. View even after we finished grade school. I still recognize most of my classmates, most of us stayed at the same school until 6th grade. Our village was relatively small. Everyone pretty much knew everybody. We just walked to school by ourselves. We played in the streets. We visited each other's houses. We caught dragonflies in the fields. All in all, we pretty much led simple lives.

Good for another 100,000 miles

I was sitting at the reception area of the cardiologist's office today. My appointment to train him for the hospital's computer system was supposed to be at noon. He got called to the wards so I ended up waiting for at least 45 minutes. While waiting, I noticed an elderly man sitting across the room. I was reading my book, the one about reflections of women doctors, to pass the time. A few minutes later, in my peripheral view, I saw an elderly woman come out to the reception area. I heard the elderly man who I am assuming to be her husband say, "So, you're good for another 100,000 miles?". I looked up at him since I thought that his comment was really funny. He had such a warm loving smile directed to his wife. He glanced at me briefly, he must have noticed that I was also smiling. His wife didn't hear him at first so as he approached her he said again, "good for another 100,000 miles?". His wife laughed and they walked off to the sunset.

The Road to Becoming a Domestic Diva

Hello family and friends! I did not realize that it's been a month since my last posting. So, what have I been up to? I just bought my first cookbook today! I am determined to learn how to cook :). I am pretty sure I can follow recipes. How hard it can be? I have a degree in Biochemistry, ahem ahem. I can follow complex molecular biology protocols. I have studied apoptosis in traumatic brain injury in rats. I have worked in elucidating the controls of angiogenesis in the chicken eye. I have studied signal transduction pathways in leukemic cell lines. My credentials can just go on and on ;). It is just a matter of finding the motivation to actually cook everyday. And no, Mr. Right has not come knocking at my door. If I wait to cook until he finds me, I might not learn in this lifetime hehe. That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I am cooking and it's all for me.

There are about 300 recipes in this book. I'll start with recipe #1 which is longanisa. I can probably easily buy that at the store. But for the sake of being able to say that I can cook longanisa from scratch, I will try it tomorrow. For tonight, I got some fish to fry and I have red ripe tomatoes to go along with that. Yum! Yum! So, don't be surprised if you see me 20 pounds heavier the next time we see each other. :)

A Piece of My Childhood

Guess what came to my doorstep today? The 24 volumes of Disney's Wonderful World of Knowledge (copyright 1973)! When I was trying to update my profile for this blog, I remembered that one of my favorite books is volume #14 of this series. As I flipped through the fairytales now, I can remember myself as a little girl reading the book over and over again. I fantasized about being Cinderella, Rapunzel, Princess Briar Rose, the Little Mermaid, the girl with the red shoes, etc. I lost this book at least 20 years ago. You see, in our house everything disappears ;). Our family is just not very particular when it comes to neatness and orderliness. At least that's the excuse I say to myself whenever I come home to my place that always looks like a tornado has just passed by hehe. If ever you have wondered why I have not invited you to visit, that is the reason :). But anyways, thank goodness for eBay, I now have my favorite book again. I just need to get a bookcase for the collection so it will have a proper place in my house. I am saving it for my future daughter(s). But don't you fret my feminist friends. I will not let them grow up to be damsels in distress. They will also hear the politically correct bedtime stories where women are so capable and there's no "living happily ever after" myth with Prince Charming. :)

Coming Home

Greetings from South Hadley! Ten years to this date I graduated from Mount Holyoke College in this lovely town in western Massachusetts. It's great to be back, to see old friends and walk familiar paths of times past. My journey here in the United States started in this place. I can't help but to shed a tear or two as I reminisce where I have been and look forward to where I am going, excited about all the promises of the future that still lie ahead. I was sixteen when Mount Holyoke gave me a life-changing scholarship. From a small town in the Philippines, I was given the chance to cross the seas to a new world. I look to and draw upon that 16-year old self whenever the going gets tough, whenever the future seems so uncertain. I remember how I was back then, so certain that I will get to wherever I want to go, certain that the path I am taking is the path that God wants me to walk on. They say that to whom much is given, much is expected. I have been truly blessed with so much. I think I am ready to give as much as I can now. Maybe this is what growing up is all about. I can feel within me that I am ready to be transformed to be a nurturer after years of being nurtured. I am ready to share and live my faith unapologetically. I am ready to strive for what is best for all concerned. I may not have the answer to the problems of this world but I surely want to be of help to you as our paths cross. I know it's hard to reach this ideal self but I just want to say for the record that I am trying :).

Weekend Update

George just sent me this pic from our mini-reunion in Chicago! (7/12/06: Gracias George!)

I spent the last weekend in Chicago. I attended a special worship service geared towards the unmarried brothers and sisters in the faith from the whole district of Northern Midwest. It was a very spiritual service, a good reminder that I am indeed truly one of God's children :).

During the socializing afterwards, I met a sister from Milwaukee, WI who will be applying to medical school this year. I told her to try Indiana. Maybe God wants us all to study in Indiana since there's another sister in my class from the Portage, IN group worship service. I also finally met the sister from Chicago who is a neuroradiologist. She got her fellowship from Harvard so she was encouraging me to apply there when the time comes for me to do a fellowship. Long shot probably, but like she said prayers are powerful.

I was also able to attend the Sunday service in Park Ridge, IL. It was my first time to attend service there so I was really excited. I can now check it off my list of places of worship. I also saw a family there who used to attend the Boston congregation. I have not seen them since I graduated from college so it was really nice to see them again. Interestingly enough, I am actually going back to Boston next weekend for my 10th year college reunion!

After the service, I then headed to the Magnificent Mile to meet a high school classmate. I have not seen him since high school graduation,14 years ago. He said he was wondering why I never showed up at homecoming reunions. He didn't even realize that I just live in Indianapolis. He thought I was coming to Chicago all the way from the Philippines. We had lunch at the Cheesecake Factory by the Hancock tower. He is now almost in his last year of residency for Family Practice. It was nice of him and his wife to spend some time with me that day. It was actually their wedding anniversary. Thanks George and Julie!

The End of the First Year

I got the results of my final exam in Physiology last night. It's with a sigh of relief that I want to share with you all that I have officially finished my first year of medical school! Some days needed more prayers than others. I am so thankful that somehow I have managed to get through.

I now have more time to update my blog so I welcome you to follow along in my journeys. I'll also attempt to post some pictures to liven up this blog :). So here's what I have been up to in the last week. We took that exam in Physiology last Friday. I hurriedly finished the test and headed off to Louisville, Kentucky to attend a Bible study at a friend's house. The serial number of the brethren there is just 25. It is so nice to see them active in doing missionary work. You can also feel their love for the brotherhood. I attended the Louisville group worship service from May-July 2003. Louisville is about 2 hours south of Indianapolis.

Last Saturday, I also participated in our medical school's spring house calls where we helped to beautify the yards of neighboring elders. I learned how to plant flowers so I am hoping that I can work on my own yard pretty soon.

Sunday, I invited a friend and the minister's family to the zoo. We all had a blast. The dolphin show was fun. We also rode a roller coaster and I think I get the award for being the loudest screamer. I am not too comfortable with coasters but I figured that the zoo coaster is just a baby coaster so I should be able to handle it well. Not! hehe

Tuesday, I started my job as medical informatics intern for Clarian Health. Clarian Health is composed of hospitals associated with our medical school. I share the job with 3 other fabulous medical students. We will be training doctors and residents on how to use "PowerChart" which is basically a customized electronic medical record system. It looks like this summer is going to be fun.

Ok that's it for now. I am still finishing up my work for my company. My contract as a service coordinator (SC) for the state will end June 30 since they don't want independent SCs anymore. I could have chosen to be a regular employee but with med school and all, I am deciding against it. So I'm just trying to tie up loose ends so I can start on a new venture. I will be contracting physical therapists to work for my company in a month or so. I am not really aiming to make a lot of money yet but I think this would be an interesting business exercise.

I am really looking forward to sharing the stories of my life for a year or so. I have to set a limit so I won't be afraid that I am divulging too much. :) I hope your days are as bright as mine.