Study Tips

I just saw an old friend who had to take a leave of absence last year. I tried to pass on some "study" tips. I really struggle in studying. When PB was here he was asking why he never saw me open a book. Or if he did see me holding one I was fast asleep. It's very hard for me to focus. I have some sort of learning disability :).
But each day, I try to learn something new so I am hoping that I am building up my knowledge base slowly but surely.

So she said she failed the Neuro exam. I told her that I passed just by studying the old exam questions. Not the best way to study probably but I somehow passed. She said she really wants to understand every detail so she is overwhelmed. I've noticed this with some other friends as well. I think it is admirable to want to understand everything but at what point do you let go so you don't get overwhelmed? But I think for some people they just have this baseline anxiousness that they have learned to live with. Maybe it's what drives them to do their best. I told her that I just wanted to get through with the hopes that I will understand the details in the future. She is a very smart woman. She did much better than me in our Master's program. We used to study together and it seemed that I never knew anything. I told her that she just needs to remember that if I somehow made it through she should be able to as well. I wish her the best!

Library

I am here at the library partly by choice, but mostly by necessity :).
You see, it's starting to get cold out here in the American Midwest. We just had our first frost the other day. I still have no heat at the house plus my home computer is dead. So I came here tonight hoping that I can get some work done.
I like this library. It inspires me, challenges me and moves me! And since I just woke up from a 3-hour "nap", apparently, it also rocks me to sleep ;). The library is closing in a few minutes. I did have good intentions but I guess no studying is happening tonight. Until tomorrow then!

Changing Templates

It's about time that I change the color of my blog. Lots of changes happening. Changing hair colors.. changing plans.. changing dreams, just lots of changes. With each change certain things get lost in the wayside. I used to have this counter which tells me how many visitors stop by my blog. But now, it's gone. I guess I could put it back on. But maybe now I can write more freely into the unknown ;).

Meeting His Girlfriend

So a few nights ago, I dreamt that I would see him with his new girlfriend at the library last night. So I went but I didn't see them. Maybe I'll meet her some other time. In my dream, his girlfriend is tall, boyish cut brown hair, pretty, wearing scrubs.

Today I went to get an oil change. Typical me, I was oblivious to my surroundings. As I turned around after paying at the cashier, guess who said hello. Another classmate, a previous rotation partner! Apparently his girlfriend noticed that I was carrying around a review book. Funny that he was also carrying around a review book. Typical med students us hahah. We used to go to the operating room with me complaining that my scrubs are too long. He mentioned that his girlfriend is about my size and she orders her scrubs from a specific place. So I asked her to pass on the information to me. Hopefully, the days of ill-fitting scrubs would be over :).

The Empty Room

The room seems bigger. There's some sense of loss. There's also a bit of freedom regained. No more dinners to come home to. I will have to clean and take out the trash again on my own;). No more worrying when he'll get a job, though. Good luck to my brother as he goes out in the real world!

I finished another rotation. I got 4 social invites from classmates within the last 24 hours. The best time for most of us to get together is right after a rotation. We swap stories, catch up, renew old friendships and nurture new ones.

Losing Stuff

My computer died last night. So I got to thinking whether I own anything that I can't afford to lose. Really, nothing. I came to this country with 2 suitcases. I intend to leave with 2. Probably not with the suitcases I came in with although I still have them. I like change. I will get new suitcases.

A Day at the Museum

Hi Doc!

You probably miss me so I thought I'd stop for a second and share some of my thoughts today..

A man in a wheelchair said hello as the three of us in our white coats walked hurriedly past the hospital entrance. I smiled politely as my classmate said hi back. I thought he was one of his patients. Then he asked me if that was my patient. I looked back and saw the patient looking still as if we had an unfinished conversation. I still could not remember if he was my patient. I ran through our list of 23 patients in my head and then it hit me that he was my patient! As I was busy typing my notes this morning, my resident mentioned that we are discharging him. He was transferred to our service 2 days ago, so before 7 am each morning, I have been waking him up to examine him and ask him how he is doing. He said he didn't feel ready to go this morning so I wasn't expecting that he will be going. I meant to stop by his room and say goodbye but I was rushing to finish my 'history and physical' for a patient we admitted last night. I don't like it when I don't get to say goodbye. I wanted to walk back and wish him well and remind him yet again to quit smoking. But we were late for a lecture so I didn't get a chance to do so. It would have only taken a second to say goodbye this morning. It's taking me minutes now to write about it.. Tomorrow, I will make it a point to say goodbye.

Weekend Pictures

Lungs for Life 5K run



Bible study- Bloomington, Indiana



Before the Worship Service


Indianapolis Choir


Indianapolis Children's Worship Service Officers

Love and Faith

My mom tells me that my brother is pushing through with a civil wedding in December. My brother understands that my parents will not be going. He had asked my grandparents who are not yet members of the Church to be his witnesses. I guess he is just continuing with family tradition. My dad just keeps quiet. I'm sure everything will work out in the end. But still, for the record, I must say, I do not approve. It's not exactly the ideal way to start forever. A friend who visited me last summer jokingly chastised me for having "crushes" on guys who are not from our Church. Another friend once told me that when these things happen one should just pray for the feelings to go away. If it's meant to go away, it will go away. And yes, surprisingly enough, you just wake up one day and it's all gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

Little Orphan Me (the green dress)

It just hit me hard that I have been living life essentially as an "orphan". I can now understand the look of pity others have when I mention that I have not lived with my parents since I was 11. In the last 15 years, I have only seen my parents once. I imagined that I have an excellent relationship with them even though I only get to speak with them over the phone. It never occurred to me that it was not real. Does this give me then the entitlement to be childish (complete with tantrums)? ;) Can I ever reclaim all of the baby time I lost? Yikes, I am really so flawed. :)

But hopefully, my parents will be here soon enough. When they get here maybe I will get all the baby time I need. Until then, I will try to patiently wait my turn to be their baby. Special thanks to the green dress for letting me see life as it is and not as I imagined :).

Code Blue

Every time I hear Code Blue announced from the public address system, I feel like running. My heart pounds and sinks at the same time hoping that the patient survives. The patient is typically on the pulmonary unit. I ran once when I was seeing a patient just across the hall. It was actually a patient on our consult list who we have seen earlier. It seems that the whole hospital runs towards the unit. I don't really know why I ran since I am still not trained to handle a code. Thankfully, the patient made it. But yeah, every time I hear Code Blue I feel like running. But I stay put, hoping the day will come when I can be of help.

Women are from Venus

It's such a cliche. You expect men in your life to think and feel like you and they don't. Is it too much to ask that they try to anticipate how you would feel? :) You try to "protect" them from other women. But are you really protecting them or are you protecting yourself? You see another woman's hidden motivations a mile away and they just don't see it. Does it take a woman to read another woman? When you explain to them why you feel the way you do, it does sound silly. You kinda understand their perspective, that it's really not a big deal. Emotional "maturity". It's a long journey. One step at a time, maybe I'll get there. (Don't worry mom, I promise that I'll try my best to be a good big sister :)).

warm sunny days

i love days like this. i woke up around 10:00 a.m. left for school around 11:00 a.m. walked out to a lovely 73-degree weather (23 in Celsius). this month is my radiology research month. i really appreciate that i can come in whenever i feel like it. (i do try to stay for the whole 8 hours, so don't accuse of me being a slacker. ;)) yesterday, as i stared blankly at yet another CT scan, i asked myself, is this really what i am signing my life away for? :). i had lots of dreams last night, my mind must have been trying to reconcile a lot of stuff. and reconcile it did. i woke up wanting to look at more short gut imaging. so here i am, back at it.

Visualizing...

i saw this picture of one of our chapels online. can you also see me getting off a white limo with a long veil? ;) what do you think? haha

Confessions of a Primadonna and Control Freak

(A big sister's note to her little brother.)

Dear PB,

A week from now, you should be here in Indianapolis. I can't imagine what sorts of emotions you are going through right now. You must be so excited to make the trip. At the same time, I know you must be anxious about working here. As you know, I am the eternal optimist, so I am telling you that things are going to work out for the best. The worst thing that could happen is that you wouldn't like working here. And even then, home is just a plane ride away. You must be asking yourself, how would you know that you made the right choice to come here? Here's the simple answer. If you find yourself even closer to God, taking up an office in the Church, perhaps, being more spiritually active in general; then you would know that this is where God wants you to be. I have even picked out an office for you :). What do you think of Finance (Pananalapi)? I think it would be a good fit.

And for the record, contrary to popular belief, I am not a primadonna nor a control freak ;). I can do up to 50% of the household chores. I'll do half of the cooking, cleaning, etc. Oh yeah, except for ironing. I don't really know how to iron and even if I did I wouldn't want to iron anyone else's clothes. I have plenty of my own clothes to iron, thank you very much. (Certainly, you can volunteer to iron my clothes, if you would like :)). And yes, I do like making suggestions. But don't you worry that I'll take it against you if you don't agree with my suggestions. Just don't come back to me whining, ok? :) Seriously, I would really like for you to make your own decisions. You can consult me every now and then. But please don't be afraid to make mistakes. That's really when you can learn the most.

I do think that we will get along fabulously. We're both easygoing and laidback. We both want the best for our family. I am sure that all of them are cheering us on! :)
See you soon!

Ate Mhy

ER humor

Growing up, there were Reader's digests lying around in the house. My dad must have had a subscription. I especially liked the vocabulary and jokes/funny stories sections. I learned last summer that one of my med school classmates actually had one of her funny stories published there. It inspired me to think that maybe I could also publish one of mine someday. I think that there is a section called All in a Day's Work. (Hmmm, is there also one called Laughter is the Best Medicine?)

So I worked in the ER today. I absolutely love working there. Sometimes you just click with some of your patients. They are appreciative that you care for and actually care about them. Sometimes they are delighted that you are actually funny, too. Today, I actually had one of those patients. This is his story.

A 32-year-old white male comes to the ER complaining of a deep laceration in his forearm gushing with blood sustained early in the morning. He had been drinking and fell through a glass window. As we prepare to suture him, the registration person comes in and hands him some paperwork.

Registration: Sir, this paper explains payment procedures for those without insurance.
Patient: I wonder how much all of these would cost me.
Med student: It would cost you an arm!
Patient: It would cost cost me an arm and a leg?
Doctor: No, just an arm.

I know it's probably not as funny on paper. But the patient's family laughed really hard. It definitely made my day :).

Michigan On My Mind

My port of entry 15 years ago was Detroit, Michigan. I finally got to see the chapel and attend the worship service there last January. A friend started his fellowship there this past summer. My rotation partner in Peds grew up there. A friend's boyfriend will start a job there next month. A classmate is about to date someone who lives there. Finally, my radiology mentor told me the other day that she knows of this small residency program there that might take someone who has below average grades and board scores. She is suggesting that I do an away rotation there next year to up my chances. All along I've been thinking of some place warmer like Texas. But I guess, Michigan it is!

Physician Under Siege

During my very first day in my Family Medicine rotation last month, the office staff were abuzz that there is this doctor being investigated for overprescribing strong narcotics and short-acting anti-anxiety drugs. I didn't really pay much attention. I overheard them saying his name as Dr. Minilo (?). In the next few days, my preceptor would get calls from his former patients wanting to know if she would prescribe the narcotics for them. I think I already wrote about my preceptor's position on this matter and so the answer was no. One day, we had one of his former patients come in as a "work-in" (walk-in)patient. The receptionist wrote out on front of the chart that this is a former patient of his. So I read his actual last name and it is actually the same as Bro. Felix's. So I told my preceptor that he could actually be Filipino and I tried to educate her with the correct pronunciation. I guess it's hard for some Americans to pronounce the "a" sound like in apple in his name. So anyways, it occurred to me to google him and see where he went to medical school. And in fact, he graduated from UP. He is a cardiologist but he would have patients on cash basis in his office even until after midnight waiting for a prescription. It would be sad if his motivation was primarily money. I guess it would be too naive to believe that he just really wanted to ease his patients' pain and anxiety. But clearly boundaries have been crossed in this case.

Time for some pictures. I spent last weekend with college friends Tala and Carolyn.

Tala is growing an organic lettuce garden. I was tasked to pick some for lunch.


This is where Tala works. Carolyn dreams of working here next year. I dream of using some of the "appropriate technology" developed here someday.













I took this picture of the Seattle chapel. It was a very spiritual worship service last Sunday. The district minister of Australia happened to officiate the service. His daughter residing here got married last weekend.




Waiting for the Dave Matthews concert at the Gorge amphitheater, quite possibly the most gorgeous outdoor concert venue.











Tala and Julio (her husband) salsa dancing. Tala and Carolyn are avid salseras so we salsa danced for 2 nights. I probably should take lessons. My hips still do not want to move. I still yet to find my inner "landi" (flirt) ;).




Carolyn is running a half-marathon next month. She has inspired me to sign up for a 5K run this month. I'll be sure to ask PB to take pictures of me running then :).

The Dread Has Lifted

I just ran into one of my neighbors who gives me updates on the 'hood since most of the time I am oblivious to what's going on. The house across me has been boarded up. My neighbor who I suspect may have broken into my house before and probably stolen packages on my porch has been arrested last Sunday. He is one creepy guy. He was a new neighbor last year so I let him cut grass for me before. He also helped me clear snow a few times. He just creeped me out because I would used to go home from the library at midnight and he would cross to my side of the street as soon as I pull over. Everytime I come home it seems that he is watching me. I am glad that he is now locked up.

The other guy who lives next to me is also gone. He was also a new neighbor last year. I also suspect that he has broken into my house a number of times. I thought he was a person to trust. He was helping me fix my house. Last month, he knocked asking for sandwich bags. I told him to come back some other time. A few days later I noticed that my door was open and my sandwich bags were gone. For the next few days, I would come home and my door would be open. My window was not fixed properly so it was easy to pry it open. I didn't really notice anything else missing at first until on the fifth day or so my little refrigerator was gone. That really pissed me off. I confronted him but of course he denied that he took it. I got the refrigerator for $30 I think at a pawn shop so it wasn't really valuable. But I was just pissed that he would steal from me. Since then he has not been able to look me in the eye. So for a month now I don't even have any cold beverages. And I think he also stole my friend's old checkbook which he left on his side of the house 3 years ago. I would get these letters that his checks have bounced. Of course he didn't write them because he is in the Navy. But anyways, apparently he moved out of the neighborhood last Saturday. So it looks like in one weekend both of my shady neighbors left. Sweet!

On a much happier note, I heard this really cheesy 80s song on the radio the other day and it might just be my song of the moment. It keeps playing in my head. I will write part of the lyrics here with the hopes that it will go away ;).

The Colour of Love
Billy Ocean

If I had to paint a picture
To show the world how true love can really be
I would use the brightest colours
To create a vision of harmony
It would be a reality
'Cause its only what's inside of my heart
You would see I've always loved you right from the very start

Tell me what is the colour of love?
What do you see?
Is it warm is it tender when you think of me
I see the colour of love when I'm thinking of you
As a picture perfect painting of love forever true